Man catches big Pike, still doesn't understand why he isn't more popular on dating sites

Written by Ben Macnair

Sunday, 9 June 2019

image for Man catches big Pike, still doesn't understand why he isn't more popular on dating sites
Now, all I need is an old, overweight bloke to catch me, and my internet fame is guaranteed.

Brian Asshat, 63, grammar pedant, agoraphobic neo-nazi, and closet fisherman, has caught the biggest pike he has ever seen, and is still not proving to be that popular on dating website, Firestarter.com.

'This fish was massive. It was huge, bigger than my arm span, and I still haven't caught the eye of a single woman on the site. I set my sights on people in their 20s and 30s, and I correct all of the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors on their profiles. I think it is the right thing to do, so I am chivalrous to them. I am a good catch - pun intended - I don't know why nobody likes me.

Felicity Dowager, one of the women that poor', deluded fool Brian contacted, said 'Oh, him? Was he that nutjob who told me my spelling was wrong? In his 60s, with a moustache, and a big beer belly? Why would I want to speak to him? I am looking for a chap in his 20s with a six-pack.'

'It is all about looks, isn't it?' asked Brian.

Yes, Brian, sometimes, it is.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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