Jesus Detained by ICE for Conspiracy to Feed and Shelter Migrants
BuzzFeed—Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was detained by ICE today at the US-Mexico border for allegedly helping a migrant and her infant when He was caught by border patrol agents offering them water and sustenance. Jesus, said a spokesman for ICE, w...
Read full storyScott Baiao Plagiarizes Poet, Blames Joe Biden
One-time celebrity Scott Baiao was, in 2016, a formerly famous person who once had a small role in a popular TV series, and then a starring role in a non-network, syndicated project. Still clutching at any hint of fame, he managed to wrangle an invit...
Read full storyMan Reckons Song Doesn't Go On For Anywhere Near Long Enough
A man listening to a song by French rock band, The Limiñanas, has said that, for his liking, anyway, the track doesn't go on for anywhere near long enough, and could do to be extended by about another three minutes. The song, 'Dimanche', a stompin...
Read full storyLondon Jewel Heist Cops Probe Palace Bling
London, UK - A $50m stolen jewellery trail from a City of London heist is suspected of having been fenced into eager royal hands. The 2015 Hatton Garden theft saw a gang of professional safecrackers tunnel their way into a jewellery shop’s undergr...
Read full storyGenerally Authentic Woman Makes False Lunch Promise Followed by Swift Amends
Inching down the slippery slope to chronic social insincerity, New York woman Beth Malone, who had always prided herself on being an extremely down-to-earth, authentic person, knowingly made a promise to go to lunch with an acquaintance that she neve...
Read full storyTories unsure about benchmarks
The final two candidates in the race to No. 10 are baffled. After Theresa May's confession that, as a child, she ran through a field of wheat, Boris Johnson and Jeremy Hunt are combing their pasts for feats which might compare with such delinquent en...
Read full storyThe Feudal Reserve to print in blood
Sleepy Hallow, Connecticut - Chairman of the Feudal Reserve, Graat “The Shark” White, held a small press conference here today to announce a plan to save on ink used for printing currency. “We only profit from the value of the money we print, b...
Read full storyLewis Hamilton Speaks Out About Terrible Driving Standards
We all know that driving a car can be dangerous, but now even motor racing's Lewis Hamilton has spoken out on the subject, saying he is disgusted at some of the things he's seen on the roads, especially abroad. Hamilton, who drives for the Mercede...
Read full storyWise Old Owl Asks Farmer What Gay Pride Is All About
There was once a farmer who lived on a farm. The farm had an old barn, and in the barn, a wise old owl used to spend his evenings watching and listening for mice, so that he could enjoy one for his supper. The farmer's name was Brian Farmer. He li...
Read full storyCar Boot Sale Shut Down After Concerns Over The Quality Of Goods On Sale
A car boot sale that has been under the spotlight of consumer watchdogs for more than two years, has finally been shut down, after severe concerns about the quality of the items on sale. The sale, which has been held on Walton Street Car Park in H...
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