The Feudal Reserve to print in blood

Written by Aspartame Boy

Monday, 24 June 2019

image for The Feudal Reserve to print in blood
Each batch of blood is tasted by the printers

Sleepy Hallow, Connecticut - Chairman of the Feudal Reserve, Graat “The Shark” White, held a small press conference here today to announce a plan to save on ink used for printing currency.

“We only profit from the value of the money we print, but we must subtract our expenses. With all the office printers, home printers, ink jet printers, fountain pens, ballpoints, newspapers, books, magazines, junk mail, checks, currency, and oops... yes WE print the currency.

“But we are losing money on every hundred-dollar bill we print. It’s like we are shipping an extra five bucks with every bill.

“Getting back on point: ink is expensive.

“Now everyone knows we bomb any country that takes any form of payment for oil other than our dollars. What you don’t know is we have not let all that blood go to waste.

“We are proud to announce that the new hundred-dollar bill, bearing the picture of Heinz Kissinger, is to be printed entirely from the blood of those bombed-out countries that sold oil for other than dollars, or refused to borrow huge sums of dollars for ridiculous boondoggle infrastructure projects.

“Yes, those tankers were not all loaded with oil. We have enough blood to last the Feudal Reserve forever. And there is plenty more where that came from.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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