London, UK - A $50m stolen jewellery trail from a City of London heist is suspected of having been fenced into eager royal hands.
The 2015 Hatton Garden theft saw a gang of professional safecrackers tunnel their way into a jewellery shop’s underground strongroom and plunder the contents in an audacious grab.
Cops later said hundreds of safe deposit boxes were looted ‘on a commission basis’ with choice items selected for specialist clients - many of whom appear related to the chiseling gang.
Eventually half a dozen septuagenarian geezers with previous in armed robbery were caught and sentenced, their jail terms ranging from 15 to 25 years.
“Unfortunately some of the missing loot remains unaccounted for,” a Serious and Disorganised Crime Agency spokesperson told Spoof website reporters, as the search continued for the stolen bling.
The investigation apparently also probed a rash of royal engagement headlines featuring celebrity Z-Listers and other miscreant snouts-in-the-trough trash.
A spokesperson for Queen Elizardbirth at Buckingham Palace said ‘F**k orf you bastards’ when asked to comment on Prince Harry’s ring.
