Wise Old Owl Asks Farmer What Gay Pride Is All About

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 24 June 2019

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There was once a farmer who lived on a farm. The farm had an old barn, and in the barn, a wise old owl used to spend his evenings watching and listening for mice, so that he could enjoy one for his supper.

The farmer's name was Brian Farmer. He lived alone, and did all of the farm work on his own. When he had finished for the day, he would make himself a pot of coffee, and sit outside the barn on an old tree trunk that had been there as long as he had owned the farm, and, probably, for hundreds of years before.

One night, Brian was sat on the log, when the owl called to him from high up in the barn:

"Is that you, Brian?"

"Yes, it's me," said Brian. "I'm just having some coffee. Why don't you come down and join me?"

Owl flew down from his lofty position, and perched on a branch at the end of the fallen trunk. He said:

"I've been meaning to ask you, what's all this Gay Pride bollox about?"

Brian smiled to himself and took a sip of his coffee.

"Well," he said, "it's like this. In the natural world, animals are attracted to the opposite sex. For example, in the owl world, male owls are attracted to female owls. You see a lady owl you like, and you let her know that you like her, and she decides whether or not she likes you. If she does, you're in business; if she doesn't, you better look somewhere else. You see?"

Owl nodded. Brian went on:

"It's the same all throughout nature. Chickens, ducks, horses, cows, pigs, and so on. Male and female. Nice and easy. No problems."

Owl listened, but wondered what this had to do with Gay Pride. He said:

"Yes, but what has this to do with Gay Pride?"

"Patience," said Brian. "I'm getting there." He took another sip of coffee, and said:

"As the twentieth century wore on, things started to change. Not only change, but turn right around. People who had said they hated black people, now said they loved them. It was the same with puffs and lesbians, who might have had their heads kicked-in in the 1970s, but who were seen in a different light from about 1980 onwards."

Owl listened intently. Brian went on:

"People pretended they didn't mind the darkies. It was the same with the benders, and the lezzers - there were no trannies at the time. We had all the protests, and marches in support of the 'minorities', as they were called. Everything turned 180 degress, or so we thought. The thing is, all the old feelings, all the discrimination and hatred was still there, bubbling away under the surface, biding its time, just waiting for the moment when the time was right again.""

Brian looked at the owl. The owl said:

"I'm almost afraid to ask - Gay Pride?"

"Ah, yes," said Brian. "I almost forgot. As time moved on, and the gay community kept chipping away for more acceptance, and more and more 'rights', other groups formed who claimed to have even quirkier quirks than the pioneers. People who were men, but who felt like women. People who were women, but who felt like they were men. Others who felt like they were both, and then those who felt like neither, and refused to fall into any of the available categories. Men dressing like women, there were even men changing into women - often with the help of surgery."

Owl winced.

"Everything was possible, even things that were seemingly impossible. Everybody pretended they understood. They said they knew how other people felt - they had 'empathy' with them. The quirky ones all came together in a group called LGBT or LGBTQ or something else, because, as the group kept growing to admit more quirks, they kept adding more letters! Gay Pride was the section of this group that celebrated 'being gay', though what there was to celebrate, I'll never know. After that, it was all downhill, and now we have the situation we've arrived at today, where there are only a handful of humans left on the Earth."

"I see," said Owl, and flew off to think about things.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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