Donald Trump Admits Planning 9/11
Numbed reporters were hardly fazed this morning when a disheveled president announced an emergency press conference. "It started off as just a goof. Let's put it in perspective. These are mostly coach passengers we're talking about." The pre...
Read full storySajid Javid’s “rightly behind bars” inspires new sentencing for Assange at 400 years
British Home Secretary Sajid Javid’s remark that Julian Assange is “rightly behind bars” has led to further developments on "how long?" Mr. Javid signed a US extradition request, followed by disclosure that Mr. Assange faces 17 charges and 175 yea...
Read full storyBritish Descendants of Exiled Revolutionary War Loyalists Demand Reparations from U. S.
Capitol Hill. Washington, D.C. The House judiciary subcommittee hearing testimony on reparations for descendants of slaves, was briefly interrupted this morning by a mob of protesters. They were demanding compensation for the posterity of loyalists w...
Read full storyFunny Money
The Digital, Culture, Media and Sport committee have said that the Brexit Party will have to return any money it can’t account for, forcing Brexiteers to once again become “up in arms”. It’s been quite tiring for Brexiteers as they are forced to be o...
Read full storyTom Cruise To Play Slim “Maverick” Everdingle In Top Gun 2
BILLINGSGATE POST: GREAT BALLS OF FIRE! In the aftermath of the attack yesterday in which Navy Top Gun pilot, Slim “Maverick” Everdingle, scored 5 kills on Iranian camels, Tom Cruise announced that he would play the role of Lieutenant Everdingle in...
Read full storySerge Gainsbourg: How the Hell Did He Do It?
Unkempt. Unshaven. Reeking of fags and booze. Ugly. French. Those all applied to Serge, yet still he managed to shag some excruciatingly gorgeous women throughout his short life: Bambou Brigitte Bardot Jane Birkin The question is: HOW? I s...
Read full storyWoman's Radical T-shirt Messages Go Over Small Town Residents' Heads
Progressively-minded Krista Northrup of Madison, Tennessee, who likes to bring her activist spirit to her attire, slowly came to realize that the revolutionary messages she was sporting on her T-shirts were generally going over the heads of her fello...
Read full storyOver $1 Billion Worth Of Coke Seized At Philadelphia Port
Philly (WN) — Over $1billion worth of illegal coke was seized during a bust at Packer Avenue Marine Terminal in South Philadelphia on Tuesday, the U.S. Attorney’s Office says. "We have to thank our informants, "Lisa Lisa" and the "Hernandez Circus Ch...
Read full storyGecko Eaten By Army Of Ants
In what's being treated by police here as a complete non-event, a gecko found on the floor of a house in southeast Asia, had been so thoroughly nibbled at by ants, that all that was left of it was its skeleton! The gecko - or lizard, as the specie...
Read full storyRacist TV Shows To Make Comeback Under Boris Johnson
As the Conservative Party leadership race starts to get on your tits, sources inside the party have said that, should Boris Johnson be successful, TV viewers can look forward to a whole swathe of racist and homophobic shows that had been, hitherto, s...
Read full story