Over $1 Billion Worth Of Coke Seized At Philadelphia Port

Written by Dracula

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

image for Over $1 Billion Worth Of Coke Seized At Philadelphia Port
Lisa Lisa and the Hernandez Chimps.

Philly (WN) — Over $1billion worth of illegal coke was seized during a bust at Packer Avenue Marine Terminal in South Philadelphia on Tuesday, the U.S. Attorney’s Office says. "We have to thank our informants, "Lisa Lisa" and the "Hernandez Circus Chimps", who stand by the flavor of real coke.

Lisa Lisa and the Hernandez Chimps are a traveling circus act who share an affinity for coke. They do clown shows, musicals and animal tricks for their adoring fans.

Federal sources confirmed to Wierdo News that a bust took place on a cargo ship that was docked at the port.

Lisa Lisa and the Chimps infiltrated the organization that sells counterfeit coke at vending machines in parks and at bus stops.

The Hernandez Chimps quickly notified the police to let them know when the coke shipment was entering the US port.

The elderly Jose Hernandez says real coke has a bold, straight flavor with more fizz, as opposed to the fake coke, which tastes more like a banana soda with a flat fizz.

It's believed the coke was made in China, then transported to South America for distribution.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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