Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”
NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...
Read full storyDo you get it?
A new report published this year by urdata4us has revealed that 50% of people “just don’t get it”. It has been found that most people believe that at least one person in their lives “doesn’t get it”. A similar study counter-acted these claims by sugg...
Read full storyApprentice Review: Apprentice Candidates Reach Peak Self Entitlement
It's Apptober again! The Apprentice has returned for another season and this year the candidates are more hapless than ever. Take IT Consultant Prakash, who has a very unique way of producing wealth. "I ooze wealth from my every pore." Explains Praka...
Read full storyKanye West Has Gone Mad
After becoming half-mad last week and reducing the length of his first name by 60%, rapper Kanye West has achieved the 'full house' this week, and gone stark-raving bonkers. West spoke to reporters, and announced that he would be in Washington on...
Read full story"Manhunt Victim" Mourinho to Adopt "Tactics By Consensus"
Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, insists he can "cope with the manhunt" against him as he was forced to admit that Saturday's match against Newcastle was a fiasco, with his team 2-0 down after 10 minutes. Denying rumours that he had consu...
Read full storyBill Cosby Gets Standing Ovation From Cellmate
It was a much more relaxed evening for jailed comedian, Bill Cosby, last night, as the 81-year-old former funnyman put on an impromptu performance to remember - even if it will only be remembered by one man, Cosby's cellmate, Thomas 'Frankie' Knuckle...
Read full storyPresident Trump And Judge Kavanaugh To Meet About Propriety Of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' And Others
President Trump and Judge Brett Kavanaugh are to schedule a meeting during which they will consider the 'propriety' of certain contentious books in American literature, including the Harper Lee 'Deep South in the Depression' classic, 'To Kill A Mocki...
Read full storyHeaven Moving?
In an effort to address major declines in new membership and a increase in the number of people leaving the church, the college of bishops has put together a list of potential marketing ideas, and is awaiting the office of the papacy. "In light...
Read full storyJudge Kavanaugh Declares Rape Legal In Unilateral Decision
In a move with no apparent legal precedent, Judge Kavanaugh climbed up on top of the big wooden desk, to the surprise of the other "Supremes." He ripped open his robe, baring his chest, and screamed, "I declare rape legal." The other justices rema...
Read full storySupreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh Reports Stigmata from Contentious Senate Confirmation Hearings
The newest United States Supreme Court Justice, Brett Kavanaugh, reported that during the contentious confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee during which he was forced to defend himself against accusations of sexual misconduct ma...
Read full storyEdge City Police Rule Bank Robbery As a Non-Crime, Implying That the Bank Brought it Upon Themselves
EDGE CITY, NY – After hours of investigating this morning's robbery of the Edge City Bank, Police Commissioner Ben Gothan declared that the robbery was a non-crime. Detective Mitch Callaway addressed the assembled press with a pre-written statemen...
Read full storyPresident Trump Vows to Protect Sexual Predators from “Evil, Unfair” Sexual Assault Victims
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump took to the airwaves today to address an issue near and dear to the dark void where a heart is supposed to be. He admitted to coming to the aid of Judge Brett Kavanaugh during his tumultuous confirmation hearing.
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