Maduro reaches out to Clinton after assassination attempt
Caracas, Venezuela—Venezuelan President Nicolás “The Madman” Maduro wants to know "what [expletive deleted] happened" a week ago, when explosives-laden drones “went off,” injuring seven soldiers in what appears to have been an attempt on the dickhead...
Read full storyNashville Man Revels in Absurdity of His Existence
Kenny Hartwell of Nashville, Tennessee, recently decided to abandon his preconceived notions about what his life should be like and revel in the absurdity of his existence. “It's going well,” said Kenny of his new approach to life. “For instance,...
Read full storyBride Hijacks Gay Wedding
Bridezilla, Clara Fluff, was devastated to learn that her Wedding Venue had burned down just three days before her wedding due date, last week. Sobbing and distraught, she asked a local radio station to put out an All Points Bulletin to get her a...
Read full storySuspiciously Striped Zebra At Egyptian Zoo
An Egyptian student has accused a zoo in Egypt of painting a donkey with black stripes in order to make it look like a zebra. The student's photograph of the suspicious looking zebra, named Muffin, has been examined by several experts who claim th...
Read full storyBoris Johnson Truth Serum Reaches Dover
Police have issued a warning to motorists that long delays are likely for anyone using the Dover ferry terminal over the weekend, due to a large consignment of truth serum coming through the port for use by Conservative MP Boris Johnson. Alexander...
Read full storyFish Cheat Death In Daring Escape Bid
Residents in the Battambang commune of Tapon were on alert for a time this morning, after two fish went on the run from a high-security bucket. Local resident, Sawon Kenwood, had purchased the fish yesterday afternoon, with a view to cooking them,...
Read full storySex Swap Couple's Romance Due To Typewriter Accident
A 'sex swap' couple in Ontario have revealed how their meeting and subsequent romance were a complete accident, after both suffered from a bang on the head at work. Leslie Jones, 48, a bricklayer at the Straight-Up Building Company in the city, wa...
Read full storyTrump Buys Huge, Fortified Estate in Russia
Mar-A-Lago, FL President Obama's secret bugs in the White House have revealed that President Trump has been trying to purchase a very large estate in Russia, surrounded by a moat and a BIG WALL. He has finally closed on it, after securing loans from...
Read full storyTrump Writes Letter On Behalf Of Donny Jr., And Sends It To Mueller Investigation
Mir-A-Lago, Florida President Donald Trump, feeling guilty about implicating his son, Donny, in the Mueller investigation, has written a letter to Mueller about his errant son. It has been leaked to the press: Dear Mr. Mueller, Please excuse Dona...
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