Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 12 August 2018

image for Boris Johnson Truth Serum Reaches Dover
Will it be enough?

Police have issued a warning to motorists that long delays are likely for anyone using the Dover ferry terminal over the weekend, due to a large consignment of truth serum coming through the port for use by Conservative MP Boris Johnson.

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson has, according to many people, been guilty of elitism, cronyism, laziness, using racist language, and dishonesty - not the kind of qualities normally associated with someone who is suitable to lead a country.

The serum, which was developed at a secret location in Europe, is just part of a plan to try to get Johnson to say something that is not a lie, something of which he currently seems incapable.

In the latest case of Johnson being 'economical with the truth', TV journalist Eddie Mair took Johnson to task over a lie he told Michael Howard, in that, he was not having an affair, when he was. Johnson thought for a few seconds, then said he hadn't had an affair, which he had.

Mair told Johnson that someone that he (Johnson) claims is his friend, the convicted fraudster, Conrad Black, had said:

"I don't completely trust Boris."

Johnson, in response, said that he hadn't been aware that Black had said that about him, but confessed that he had "a lot of respect for Conrad". That's right, "a lot of respect". For a convicted fraudster.

Mair then asked Johnson about another incident where Darius Guppy had telephoned Boris, and asked him for the home address of a journalist he wanted beaten up, and whose ribs he wanted broken. Mair asked Johnson if it was true that he had told Guppy he would get the address, because that's what it sounded like on the tape that had been recorded. Living up to his reputation as a first-rate Pinnochio, Johnson said that:

"we often say 'all kinds of things' on the phone to our friends, without meaning any of it," and that, "nothing had 'eventuated'* as a result of that phone call".

This, from a man who started his own journalistic career at The Times, but who was sacked for falsifying a quotation.

Senior Tories in opposition to Johnson are still in deep discussion as to how the serum is to be administered, and, indeed, about whether or not it will have any effect on someone so skilled in the art of 'dodging the truth'.

* 'eventuated' = 'happened'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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