Russian President Vladimir Putin says Ukrainians not capable of governing themselves
Russian President Vladimir Putin said today that Russian scientists have determined that the long term exposure to the fallout from the 1986 Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster has left Ukrainians too simpleminded to govern themselves. For obvious humanita...
Read full storyOn the table, off the table, plus ExxonMobil-Rosneft, with the Black Sea label
Up and running for president Hillary Clinton has announced, "Let's be clear. Military options for Iran are on the table." Meanwhile, Mr. Obama has indicated the "big stick" regarding Ukraine (i.e. military action) is "off the table." It has been...
Read full storyUniverse's inflation discovery proves Big Bang expansion, causing thousands of couples to break up.
Earlier this week, a team of physicists from Harvard (ever heard of it?) provided direct evidence of cosmic inflation. If validated, this would be the smoking gun for the Big Bang model of the creation of the universe. While the scientific world...
Read full storyABC under fire as missing Malaysian Airliner is part of viral marketing campaign for new season of Lost
A TV Producer has come under worldwide scrutiny after admitting today that the missing Malaysian Airliner was part of a viral marketing campaign for a new season of Lost. "We had no idea it would go this far," an inside source said. "At first...
Read full storyGlobal Warming Will Give You The Runs!
According to those people trying to warn us about global warning, they now have determined that it will give you the runs. "It will be so warm that your food will break down too fast and you'll be continuing to run back and forth from the dining r...
Read full storyUS sanctions against Russia begin - Chekhov to be written out of next "Star Trek" movie
President Obama has stepped up pressure on their old cold war foe Russia over their actions in the Crimea today. During a press conference at the White House he revealed that increased sanctions will be carried out against Russia, starting with excl...
Read full storyHalf Dozen Spy Groups Will Determine How You Vote
With all the information being collected for every individual in the United States, you may not have to bother voting anymore as someone with your records will vote for you. Should you decide to go vote anyway, be warned ahead of time that you cou...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Sued By Preacher
Brother Joseph McKinney has launched a lawsuit against the star Kim Kardashian after she took a sign that he was carrying on the street, and beat him up with it. The old guy received a concussion and an ambulance had to rush him to the nearest hos...
Read full storyNBA drops another rule change bombshell
Several weeks back the NBA rumor mill was running wild with talks of expanding the dimensions of the court, as well as adding a 4-point line. This sparked a heated debate between fans, coaches, players, and NBA officials alike. As unlikely as it seem...
Read full storyMissing airliner spotted on top of a Chilean mountain!
A Chilean lama farmer taking his herd out to graze on the top of a Chilean mountain has spotted a missing aeroplane, but he could not tell if it was that one supposedly kidnapped by aliens because he could not read the name on the side. After inf...
Read full storyReligious Satirist Fred Phelps dies at 86
The nation is mourning the loss of another great artist today, religious satirist and activist Fred Phelps Sr. Phelps, known for his sarcastic and over-the-top "sermons" had been battling several ailments, but the cause of death has not been released...
Read full storyObama arrested in Russia
Obama decided to make a trip to Russia, in an attempt to beg President Putin to ease off on The Ukraine. When Obama landed in Moscow, he was greeted by agents of the Federal Security Service, who proceeded to slap handcuffs on Obama and inform him...
Read full storyMonsanto mount UK assault
Mr Frank Enstein, British born managing director of the Monsanto Corporation is to given a knighthood, sponsored by his very good friend David Cameron. In return for this prestigious honour he has promised to make all UK citizens life members of the...
Read full storyBudget favourable to People with Bingo Wings
Chancellor George Osborne has hailed his Budget as one for "makers, doers and savers...with bingo wings" after many measures made seemed to favour those with excess flesh around their upper arm area. The ability for those exhibiting surplus arm sk...
Read full storySwitching to Axe Products Does Not Ensure Casual Sex
Based on the experiences reported by most of the men interviewed, using Axe brand personal products did not have the effect of them bettering their sex life. The findings are based on anecdotal information from a series of random interviews of men e...
Read full storyHome alone President tweets 'Kevin, you're such a disease!'
Washington AC/DC - White House aides say they're mystified after dozens of irate calls from Tinseltown demanding to know the identity of Barack Obama's latest displeasure. "Uh, we've narrowed it down to five or six possibilities," presidential sp...
Read full storyWoody Allen Knocked Out By Girl Scout
Apparently Comic, Movie Star, Writer Woody Allen was knocked out by a girl scout Monday as he refused to buy her cookies and made some mumbled remarks about what he thought about girl scouts and their cookies. "There was this funny man Monday morn...
Read full storyMan Survives 300-Foot Fall With Only Brain Damage
A tourist flying in a helicopter over the East Tennessee Amusement Park survived a fall from the helicopter some 300 feet, with only minor scratches and some brain damage. So did the man who helped break his fall. Mark Lonas of Townsend, Tennes...
Read full storyPeople have a favourite number
With most of the important subjects having been covered a PhD student in Manchester has researched the inclination of people to have a favourite number, and see it wherever they go. "My doctorate is in people's predilection for seeing their favour...
Read full storyMH370 and Putin
In 1967, Israel's Arab neighbors suffered severe defeat in the Six-Day War. In particular, much of the Egyptian forces and equipment were destroyed and Sinai Peninsula, 60,000 km² vs. 20,770 km² Israel, was captured by Israeli forces. After the war, Nasser, the Egyptian leader, died of a heart attack, in 1970 to be succeeded by Anwar Sadat. In 1973, the regime of Egyptian president, Anwar Sadat...
Read full storyBingo! Now available to workers aswell as the unemployed
Thanks to George Osbourne's 2014 budget, the pastime of Bingo is no longer confined to the elite and those on benefits. As a resulting cut in Bingo tax, even the common working class can afford to take part in the game which was only affordable t...
Read full storyVlad the Invader - "I couldn't give a monkski!"
Vladimir 'the invader' Putin, has revealed that he doesn't give a monkski about western sanctions, in his plan to take over the World. Speaking from his secret bunker hidden in a volcano, the Russian warlord laughed at western efforts to talk him...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Reveals Who His Favorite American Idol Contestant Is
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un recently stated that American Idol is one of his favorite American television shows. He says he never misses it and that his wife, Ri Sol Ju is also a fan. The North Korean leader was recently asked by a rep...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Reveals Who He Would Marry If He Was Single
NEW YORK CITY - The host of Late Night With David Letterman is afraid that he may have said a little more than he should of the other evening. Letterman was being interviewed by Macadamia Honeysuckle with The LaLaLand Daily when she suddenly asked...
Read full storyWalmart To Introduce A New Marketing Plan To Attract Richer Customers
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Walmart, the world's largest retail and food corporation has just announced a new marketing ploy for 2014. Company spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace informed the members of the press that the company had recently hired a hi...
Read full storyKaty Perry Addresses The Miley Cyrus Lesbian Marriage Rumors
TARZANA, California - Katy Perry recently visited The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo in Tarzana. She said that she needed to get away from the press who have been hounding her ever since the infamous "kiss" with Miley Cyrus. Katy stated that Mi...
Read full storyChina Tells NASA That They Would Like To Buy A Space Shuttle
HONG KONG - The Chinese government has contacted NASA and conveyed to them that they would like to purchase a space shuttle. A Chinese spokesperson stated that they want to ship the space shuttle to Hong Kong where it will be placed in the soon to...
Read full storySofia Vergara Admits That Her Boobs Are Getting Bigger
HOLLYWOOD - Colombian-born Sofia Vergara has become one of the most popular actresses on American television. The star of Modern Family recently sat down with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight at a local Flamboyant Tortilla Restaurant in Holl...
Read full storyMark Cuban Buys Hugh Hefner's Viagra Pill Factory
DALLAS - The owner of the NBA Dallas Mavericks says that he's as happy as a puppy with two winkys. Mark Cuban, who also stars on the TV show Shark Tank, told Tahiti Zeppelin with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres that he has just purchased a Viagra Pill fa...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Remarks That She's Not Pregnant
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kirstie Alley recently told the supermarket tabloid Just Saying that she hardly ever goes anywhere anymore. She confessed that she knows she's quite overweight and doesn't want to have to bother with getting in and out of automob...
Read full storyArizona Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio Is Considering Opening Up A Hot Dog Diner
MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - The man who calls himself The Toughest Sheriff in The United States has just announced a possible business venture. Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio, who is considered to be Governor Jan Brewer's staunchest supporter and rumor...
Read full storyJustin Beiber's Monkey Drops Album From German Holding Cell
MUNICH- The now infamous OB Mally, Justin Beiber's abandoned pet Capuchin monkey, released his new album from his quarantine cell at the German Customs Agency in Munich today. To a standing room only crowd, OB Mally let out a 14 track playlist featu...
Read full storyLast Minute Income Tax Pointers & Handy Preparation Tips
Tax preparation season is closing in. As the tax filing deadline nears, the National Institute of Slick and Slidey Tax Prep Jockies have collated their annual list of often overlooked income tax pointers and preparation tips, which is presented belo...
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