Kate Middleton spends 69th birthday in hair extension rehab
London, UK - Royal benefits scrounger Kate Middleton was airlifted to the London Trichology Climic for Balding Old Hos this morning after most of the synthetic tresses on her head dropped off following a disastrous birthday scalp massage from Nanny...
Read full storyCurse of General Pinochet strikes again as traffic decks in new $30m state-of-the-art drawbridge are fitted upside down
Santiago - An ancient hex on the fetid Chilean generalissimo has struck once again with locals branding the construction of a commemorative drawbridge named after Augusto Pinochet 'one almighty f**k-up'. The $30million Riggs Bank/ General Pinochet...
Read full story'If I Had (Another) Son He Would Look Like Brits' Very Own Trayvon Martin' says Barack Obama
Washington DC - Speaking to reporters outside the George Town branch of the Cool Dudes Cafe President Obama repeated his condolence mantra last expressed in the wake of the tragic shooting of Sanford, Florida teenager Trayvon Martin in 2012. "Yeah...
Read full storyWeed-smoking Potlandians debate whether to legalize Nicotine and Alcohol
CANNABISTOWN, PO--In Potlandia, marijuana is legal for recreational purposes and is commonly smoked by nearly all of the adult citizens of that country, while alcohol and nicotine are banned. But the alcohol and tobacco industries regard Potlandia's...
Read full storyThe Milwaukee Bucks - The NBA's Cellar Dwellers
MILWAUKEE - Coach Larry Drew of the Milwaukee Bucks has said that he is sick and tired of his team having the worst record in the entire NBA. He pointed out that his team is 7-27, and that he has no idea what the heck is wrong with his Bucks team.
Read full storyKim Jong Un to Begin Using "Basketball Rules" to Govern North Korea
Crazy and unpredictable dictator of North Korea Kim Jong Un today announced that he had been studying the economics and history of his country and had reached an epiphany regarding the way North Korea has been governed. Instead of the doctrine o...
Read full storyScientists discover socialist gene linked to incest and sexually transmitted diseases
Los Angeles - Researchers at LA's Seedy Sign Eye Hospital & Institute of Medicalology have announced the discovery of a link between incest-related sexually transmitted diseases and the rogue genetic makeup of socialists from Karl Marx to Ecuador...
Read full storyThe San Antonio Spurs Crush Their Texas Rivals The Dallas Mavericks 112-90
SAN ANTONIO - The night saw Dallas Mavericks owner Mark "Brat Boy" Cuban sit and pout all night as his Mavs were soundly beaten by the San Antonio Spurs 112-90 led by Tony Parker and Tim Duncan. Parker is from France and Duncan is from the Virgin...
Read full storyGerman gay soccer star is straight!
Thomas Hitzelberger, after announcing to the world that he is gay, actually meant he is "happy" and used gay in its original form to explain how he feels today, gay in other words. The soccer world has gone completely crazy in supporting Thomas an...
Read full storyColorado's New Marijuana Law Results In The Colorado Springs Police Department Laying Off Half Its Police Force
COLORADO SPRINGS - The Colorado Springs City Council has just announced that they have decided to furlough half of the city's police officers. Council member Naomi Mittski, 28, who just got divorced this past week, told the news media that the cou...
Read full storyHead Of NRA Shoots Self Is In Hospital
Pastor John Slaughter today was handed the NRA gavel to preside over the most powerful pro-gun lobby in the U.S. His sudden assent to be the gun group's top man was occasioned by former CEO, Wayne La Pisse, severely wounding himself through careless...
Read full storyCommercial Flights Into Colorado Have Gone Up 900% Thanks To The New Marijuana Law
DENVER - Colorado's Department of Tourism is reporting that just since the new Marijuana Law went into effect on January 1, commercial airline flights into Colorado have gone up by an astounding 900 percent. Socorro Ziddle, 29, with the CDT stated...
Read full story'Fat chance of justice!' say pals of sacked Chris Christie aide
New Jersey - Suporters of an aide to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie have slammed the 'bum rap' that's seen Bridget Anne Kelly take the blame for last September's George Washington Bridge closure, allegedly orchestrated to create traffic shambles...
Read full storyInjury Prone Kobe Bryant Talks About Retiring
LOS ANGELES - Los Angeles Laker Kobe Bryant, one of the NBA's best players, has sadly joined the ranks of sports athletes who eventually become injury prone. Bryant speaking with Rufus Reno of Sports Balls Illustrated Daily said that he will do wh...
Read full storyPaul McCartney's $13m condo bid bombs as Carnegie Hill co-op board rejects residency
New York - The singer's dreams of purchasing a sprawling 16th floor condo in one of the Museum Mile's tony white-glove apartment blocks has gone down the pan after a co-op board's decision said 'No more downmarket non-billionaires, thanks!' For ye...
Read full storyEnglish Soccer Player Admits He Is Straight
Sam Hall, a former English soccer star, revealed Thursday that he is straight, becoming the most high-profile soccer star to do so to date. The 33-year-old, who retired from the game in 2011, told English newspaper The Daily Lie that he wants to f...
Read full storyThe Unforeseen Horrors That Turned Obama's Hair Grey
There are many factors within the fray, that have turned our Presidents hair to grey. Pundits, done-thats and patriots galore seek to sabotage him evermore. These are the things that have turned our fearless leader's head from black to grey in only five short years: Having Military Generals whisper to him that 'they would do a Kennedy' on him if he so much as tried to close Guantanamo Ba...
Read full storyA High School In Denver Wants To Change Their Team Name From The Lions To The Potheads
DENVER - National Focus Magazine is reporting that the student body at Denver's Ponce de Leon High School has voted to change the schools nickname from the Lions to the Potheads. According to Durango Tucker with NFM, the student body vote came out...
Read full storyDennis Rodman Sings Happy Birthday To Kim Jong Un
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Former NBA player, Dennis Rodman attended Kim Jong Un's birthday party which was held at the luxurious Pyongyang Presidential Palace. Rodman had flown several former U.S. basketball players to participate in an exhibition...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Win The People's Choice Award For Favorite On Screen Chemistry
HOLLYWOOD - Nina Dobrev, 24, and Ian Somerhalder, 35, started dating in 2010, they broke up in 2013, and in 2014, they won a People's Choice Award for Favorite On Screen Chemistry. The stars of The Vampire Diaries were presented with the award at...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo Films A Commercial For Her Favorite All-Time Fast Food Restaurant
McIntyre, Georgia - The star of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Alana Thompson has just finished shooting a commercial for what she says is her favorite fast food restaurant of all-time. The 7-year-old reality show star filmed a 30-minute commercial fo...
Read full storyNASA Will Not Be Launching A Hamster Into Outer Space Because of Protests From PETA
NORFOLK, Virginia - NASA was all set to launch a little astronaut hamster into space to study the effects of space travel on its digestive system but it has been put on hold. Mimosa Ledbetter, executive director with PETA, which stands for People...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Says She Doesn't Like Her Husband Betting On Sports Games
INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana - The nation's first lady, Michelle Obama was in Indianapolis speaking to a group of pre-law students at Johnny Appleseed University. She stressed that our great nation, now more than ever, needs good, competent, affordable l...
Read full storySome Walmarts Will Begin Selling Automobiles
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail giant is getting ready to revolutionize the retail store industry. Walmart Spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace has unveiled Walmart's new "We Got It All" policy by revealing that the retail franchis...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Reveals A Shocking Secret
NEW YORK CITY - One of the staunchest Republican females in the entire country has just made an amazing revelation. Coulter, who is known as the Unofficial Princess of the GOP, reportedly stated to her therapist that she is ashamed to say it, but...
Read full storyRidley Scott attacked by Aliens while filming parting of Red Sea
"Why didn't I bring her to Spain", shouted Director Ridley Scott after acid dripping aliens attacked his "Exodus" movie location unit in the Spanish desert. Sigourney, playing "Lott's wife" in the biblical epic was filming with another unit when...
Read full storyHoly Land visit by Pope Francis to include parts of Middle East and Gibraltar
The popularity of Pope Francis is growing, helped by his unprecedented willingness to form bonds with differing religions. The much liked pontiff plans to visit seven different countries on his planned 2014 visit to the Holy Land, including historica...
Read full storyObama Girls Find Dad's Secret Cache!
Malia and Sasha were playing in the White House recently, or at least before this last vacation, when one girl slid into a cabinet causing a secret door to open. In it were maps of several countries and the President's schedule for 2014-1015. They...
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