The U.S. Put on Probation
THE HAGUE, NETHERLANDS - The International Court of Justice (ICJ), the principal judicial organ of the United Nations, has placed the United States on a year's probation. The ICJ determined that the U.S. was guilty of mishandling of the world's en...
Read full storyTennessee woman who hated her name to change it to Sextra Babe
After reading a story about a woman in Ohio changing her name to Sexy, Maude Fuller of Kingsport, Tennessee has legally changed her name to Sextra Babe. An attorney she hired says that there is nothing wrong in changing your name. "Most women do i...
Read full storyAsk Bigfoot, he never lies...
Question: So where have you been? Answer: Just hanging around in the woods. Question: What do you like to eat? Answer: Huckleberries, salmon, deer, rodents, and the occasional dog. Question: What is your favorite pastime? Answer: Evading humans. Question: Do you only live in the U.S.? Answer: Nope, I have relatives all over the world. Ever hear of the Yeti, the Yeren,...
Read full storyBeatlemania Officially Over
NYACK, NEW YORK - The last original American Beatle's fan club member, Trixie Prospector, died peacefully in her sleep today in Nyack at the age of 71, according to her younger brother, Buster Prospector. "Trixie was the Beatle's greatest fan sinc...
Read full storyBeaver Corp of Engineers Enlisted in Drought Stricken West
CORVALLIS, OREGON - Scientists from Oregon State University has released information concerning a top-secret project funded by the U.S. Government. According to Dr. Hendick Harvikson, head of the 5-year project known as "B.W.E.E.D." (Beaver Wate...
Read full storyPot growers' horror as Colorado Beetle eschews potatoes, begins ravaging this year's weed crop
Denver, Colorado - A bug traditionally brought up ravaging the potato crop has suddenly acquired more fanciful tastes and begun running riot through Colorado's first legal statewide cannabis harvest. The Colorado Beetle, Leptinotarsa decemlineata,...
Read full storyObama Family "Barbie" Dolls to Hit Shelves Soon
EL SEGUNDO, CALIFORNIA - Renowned doll makers Tammel announced today that the company plans to mass produce a new line of President Obama family dolls, featuring Barack and Michelle, as well as daughters, Malia and Sasha. Tammel CEO Bryan Tonstock...
Read full storyPoor Angelina Jolie has lost half her hair worrying about Brad's daft new haircut
London, UK - The Hollywood actress limped on the Bafta red carpet at the Royal Opera House tonight looking as if a vindictive hairdresser had hexed her tresses in retribution god-knows-what awful stuff. A lank and boring color job could barely con...
Read full storyComcast Announces Merger With NSA
Comcast, the largest cable company and home Internet service provider in the U.S., with assets of over $4 Trillion, announced today that it is merging with the National Security Agency. Having just merged with Time Warner Cable in an equity swap...
Read full storyBillionaire defense of wealth road tour stunned by audience response and awards program
Led by Thomas "Kristallnacht" Perkins, representatives of The Rich are using their pin-striped private jets to fly to large auditoriums around the USA and defend their wealth. Also attending are billionaire Samuel "the one percent work harder" Zel...
Read full storyPocket of Colorado's notorious pot fume microclimate saves avalanche skier's ass
Denver, Colorado - A low-lying bubble of Denver home-grown weed fumes has been credited with saving the life of a Star Mountain skier trapped on the slippery slopes during an unexpected avalanche this weekend. Tragedy struck just as downhill snow...
Read full storyMost Brits 'sick to death of bloody curling' Russian Olympic authorities told
Sochi, Black Sea - "I mean, it's not even a proper sport like Yuletide cock fighting or blizzard bear bating, innit?" a UK National TV Viewers Association spokesman told Sochi organisers today as an outbreak of near brain death by Olympics TV coverag...
Read full storySharks released into Somerset floods by Environment Agency and Conservation Dept.
Twelve container loads of Large White Sharks have been released into the Somerset flood regions by conservationists. I spoke with an environment spokesperson who explained their actions: "These animals are natural clean up agents and will do a lo...
Read full storyMistrial Declared on Murder Charge in Loud-Music Trial
TAMPA BAY, FL. - A Caucasian man was found guilty of three counts of attempted murder for the fatal shooting of an African-American teenager over loud music, but a mistrial was declared after the all-black jury broke out their boom-boxes and started...
Read full storyNo Summer This Year!
A team of weather experts meeting in New York are predicting no real summer this year but that 75 degrees in the south may be the best anyone can hope for. And, of all things, it's being blamed on Global Warming. Forecasters say that an unusually...
Read full storyWhite House Criticized After Error Leads To Copy of Superman II Being Sent to Ayatollah Instead of Message of Peace
Washington D.C. The Obama administration went into full damage limitation mode yesterday after delicate negotiations with Iran over nuclear weapons and cultural spheres of influence came crashing to a halt when the White House is believed to have acc...
Read full storyNew York officials investigating 'Walking Dead' Zombie stunt!
Authorities in New York said a marketing company did not have permission to promote "The Walking Dead" by hiding "zombies" in a subway grate. "Those people need to lighten up a bit. It was just an ad for the new show. Do they think that the peopl...
Read full storyEntire USA Olympic Skating Team Comes Out of the Closet
SOCHI, RUSSIA - The entire USA Olympic skating team announced today that they are gay. Terrance Nigel Theissen, USA Olympic Spokesperson, stated that they made the decision today to come out in order to answer any questions that viewers might have ab...
Read full storyFamily Hotel in Washington State Closed After Being Repeatedly Haunted By Ghost of David Foster Wallace Novel 'Infinite Jest'
Seattle, WA. A family run hotel in Ellensberg, Washington has been forced to shut down after a series of baffling incidents involving guests and ghosts believed to be characters and plot lines from gargantuan mid-1990s conspiracy novel 'Infinite Jest...
Read full storyShades of the Nazis as Prince William vows to destroy Palace art collection
London, UK - Priceless royal artefucts including Queen Victoria's rather splendid ivory throne - the first ever lavatory bowl to be carved from a single elephant tusk - are in line for destruction in William's latest PR scam. So confident is JK Ro...
Read full storyState of Tennessee to open Cormac McCarthy Theme Park
Knoxville, Tennessee. An agent for the notoriously reclusive writer has claimed that Cormac McCarthy was "genuinely delighted and thrilled" at plans by State Officials to open a theme park in honor of his novels later this year. The venue will in...
Read full storyChicago Drug Dealer Uses Don Blackman Record To Travel Back In Time and Sell High Grade Marijuana to Founding Fathers
The History of the U.S. is being rewritten by a Chicago drug dealer who discovered that spinning his copy of the record 'Heart's Desire' by groove legend Don Blackman opens a wormhole allowing him to travel back in time to the late 18th Century. S...
Read full storyBoat Planes make new Heathrow terminal redundant
Somerset is to become a new Boat Plane airport, making the new Heathrow terminal redundant. The new terminal will be flooded and made into a water park instead, an Environment comedian announced this morning. A Newt enthusiast told our report...
Read full storySimon Cowell Now Has A Brand New Little Simon
NEW YORK CITY - British music mogul Simon Cowell was all smiles as his girlfriend Lauren Silverman gave birth to Cowell's first child on Valentine's Day. Cowell, 54, said that his baby mama and their new addition were both doing great. He did poin...
Read full storyWyoming Woman Says Sasquatch Got Her Pregnant
GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Ursula Pearl Mugginfelt has always been fascinated by the hominid-like creature Bigfoot also known as Sasquatch. As a little girl growing up in Green River every year she would dress up as Sasquatch on Halloween. She said...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Says She Won't Be A Complete Woman Unless Ex-Girlfriend Samantha Ronson Is Back In Her Life
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Ever since spending three months at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic Lindsay Lohan has said that she is trying to keep on the straight and narrow. She noted that she has pretty much stopped her 24/7 partying ways and is con...
Read full storyBlake Shelton Says That The News Media Is The Cause of His Divorce
NASHVILLE - Country recording artist Blake Shelton, who also appears as a mentor on the hit show The Voice has come out and voiced his opinion regarding his divorce. Shelton sitting in a Barbed Wire Barbecue Diner in Nashville told Yippie-Ki-Yay M...
Read full storyA Consumer Advocate Claims Some Bottled Water May Contain As Much As 400 Calories
CHICAGO - According to The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency there is a consumer advocate who is making an astounding claim regarding bottled drinking water. The ADGA said that Hannibal Linoleum, 49, who works for the consumer advocate group known...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus' Mom Has Asked Her To Please Stop Her Twerking
BEVERLY HILLS - Tish Cyrus says that she has had enough of seeing her 21-year-old daughter Miley twerking in front of the entire world. Mrs. Cyrus, who is married to country music artist Billy Ray Cyrus recently told Voodoo Dupree with Glamboyant...
Read full storyNew York State Illegally Dumps 600 Truckloads of Snow In Pennsylvania
NEW YORK CITY - The state of New York has issued an apology to the state of Pennsylvania. A reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight took some video of approximately 600 New York state dump trucks filled with snow crossing into Pennsylvania and dumping...
Read full storyAn Ice Cream Shop In The Bronx Has Had 2 Customers in 7 Days
BRONX, New York - The owner of one of the most popular ice cream parlors in New York City says that he may have to end up closing down. Gino Brockatoosi owner of The Damma Good Ice Cream Parlor told reporters that the record-breaking winter snowst...
Read full storyObama to marry Cher
Washington DC, Saturday. In a surprise late night televised presidential speech, US President Barack Obama has announced his engagement to well known pop icon Cher and effectively ended his marriage to Michelle Obama, even though they're still marrie...
Read full storyAnti-Immigration Group's Newest Idea: Send the Statue of Liberty Back to France!
WASHINGTON, D.C. - FAIR, the Fathers for American Immigration Reform, announced today that they are lobbying Congress to return the Statue of Liberty to France. The Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World was a gift from France and since its dedi...
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