Billionaire defense of wealth road tour stunned by audience response and awards program

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 16 February 2014

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Event organizers insist on ancient palace style theaters for best effects

Led by Thomas "Kristallnacht" Perkins, representatives of The Rich are using their pin-striped private jets to fly to large auditoriums around the USA and defend their wealth.

Also attending are billionaire Samuel "the one percent work harder" Zell, plus Wall Street tycoons such as Larry Summers, Hank Paulson, Lloyd Blankfein, and Jamie Dimon.

Distinguished economics professors from Columbia, Harvard, and Berkeley stand in a silent row behind these gentlemen to show solidarity and support.

In honor of Washington's birthday the tour reached an old palace style theater at --- (the city has requested anonymity). The audience was huge, including many standing.

Mr. Perkins rose first to speak on how tax money should equal votes, one tax dollar equaling one vote. A million dollars in taxes should count as a million votes of influence.

A massive silence from the audience followed Mr. Perkins and subsequent speakers' remarks.

Mr. Zell lifted shirt sleeve on bicep and pant leg on calf as part of his commentary on how the rich work harder.

Again utterly dead silence.

Mr. Summers insisted Great Wealth was not "Obscene Wealth." Great Wealth showed who is superior and more deserving. This was the main lesson.

Mr. Blankfein swept his hand around to point to The Wealthy sitting behind him, saying, "These are your models to imitate in America."

The utter, nearly deafening silence continued.

But then, just as Mr. Blankfein turned back toward his chair, something stupendous occurred.

A long, loud, sustained, terrible noise arose from somewhere in the audience.

Thunderous applause, laughter, shouts, shrieks, and drum beats followed this intrusion.

Later the precise nature of this obscene interruption was summed up by one audience member:

"All I can say is it sounded like some enormous beast broke wind. It was a set-up with implanted sound but nobody expected it."

With the advent of this crepitus from the public, five males wearing masks rushed onto the stage, their masks caricatures of Presidents Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton, Bush 2, and Obama.

Backs to the audience the presidents grasped hands and bowed deeply to The Wealthy.

More immense applause.

The actor with the Obama mask then took the microphone to ask these rich men to accept awards for the one percent, and convey them to anyone deserving.

Huge applause, whistling, whoops, and sustained drumming accompanied each award:

*the biggest wealth inequalities in history award!

*the most mansions, private jets, personal elevators, and yachts with helicopter pads award!

*the best schemes for derivatives, CDO's, and credit default swaps award!

*the loyalty of your efforts to preserve American manufacturing and look out for fellow citizens award!

*the modeling to America, the world, and children of where to stash your money to avoid taxes and how to influence legislators for federal subsidies you don't really need award!

Promoters of this event are thinking a world tour is likely.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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