Group Wants Faithful Slave Mammies' Statues In National Cathederal
In the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. are two memorial niches - complete with stained-glass windows and laudatory inscriptions - which honor Confederate generals Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson. They were slaveholders, which included kee...
Read full storyParanormal summoned to Madison's tomb on whether NSA programs should swing from a tall oak tree
News offices today are scrambling to verify reports that certain world leaders have been recommending the oak tree "solution" for current NSA surveillance programs. Another developing angle stems from unusual noise in the vicinity of President Ma...
Read full storyAct 1, Scene 1: Fury of The Gods as balcony in London's Apollo Theater comes crashing down
London, UK - "At first we thought it must be part of the show," bewildered theatregoer Mrs Mildred Firkinzhofter from Columbus, Ohio tweeted tonight, "having read the play's critical reviews advising Bound To Bring The Roof Down." Sure enough a ch...
Read full storyIs Lindsay Lohan "Betty" At The Salon?
Lindsay Lohan has been missing for a couple of weeks -not even in court -so some friends and fans have been concerned. However, a recent article with a photo of some girl named "Betty" has them believing she has either lost her memory or just wants a...
Read full storyMike Shanahan Receives Endorsement Deal
Despite the swirling rumors behind the now publicly discussed in-house battling between Dan Snyder, Robert Griffin III ("Bob"), and Mike Shanahan ("Red Lobster"), the truth is just beginning to emerge. At the end of last season, according to repor...
Read full storyBernanke's farewell: 'switch Capitalism with Carnivalism'
Washington, DC - Americans won't have Capitalism to kick around anymore. The economic system that built the nation is calling it quits, scheduled to retire next month, when Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke steps down. In an impromptu news conference, sta...
Read full storyNelson Mandela Memorial Attendance Cost Nation Over $M For President To Attend
Although most people believe that President Obama should have gone to the Nelson Mandela Memorial, they had no idea that every time he goes overseas, even for a vacation, it costs taxpayers millions of dollars. Everyone is entitled to take vacatio...
Read full storyChina's Moon Rover Building Great Wall
Although the Chinese are only the third nation to land on the moon, they say they have already caught Russia and heading past the United States in space technology. They have now started the rumor that "Jade Rabbit" is placing together moon rocks...
Read full storyGreat White Nutcracker Menaces U.S. Shore
A Christmas nutcracker-the largest ever seen in the mid Atlantic-has been spotted patrolling beaches in several prime locations geared for tourists heading south during the winter holidays. Marine biologist Susan "Sugar Plum" Farley reports, "It'...
Read full storyTop Ten Write-Ins For President Back In 2012
It happens every year we have a Presidential election. Someone just can't stand either candidate but wants to vote. These are the Top Ten form our last election: 10. My Happy Ass 9. One of the Dead Kennedys 8. Bozo the Clown 7. Mickey Mouse 6. Me! 5. Anybody, Anyone besides that Muslim in there now or that stupid Mormon with all the wives! 4. Grover Cleveland Alexander or...
Read full storyChina Announces 900 Dash Line
China is becoming increasingly confident in its dealings with the rest of the world, flexing its economic clout and heightened military power. Its controversial Nine-dash line attempts to shoulder the neighboring countries of Vietnam, Malaysia, Taiw...
Read full story12 Worst Movies of 2013
Following are the worst movies put out during the year. You may have your own but these do not count that rotten date you were on. 1. The HangUnder Part III 2. The Long Long Ranger 3. Collecting Bernie's Parts (VI) 4. A Good Day To Let One! 5. The Warf of WalMart! 6. I'm in Love With A Church Girl (But sitting in my Own Pew). 7. Nebraska (With ghost appearance by Ed McM...
Read full storyA Christmas Letter from Bono
Dear All, Once again this year I have singlehandedly saved the world on many occasions. I was able to stop people being in poverty and get myself a nice new hat. I have also found the cure to AIDS, HIV and Cancer so I will be saving all of those people next year. I would like to thank my friends in the Irish and British governments who looked the other way when I put all my money through a D...
Read full storyProtests as Oil shale deposits under the UK mean widespread frotting
Oil reserves in shale deposits underneath 90% of the U.K. can be extracted cheaply and would boost the economy of the country beyond our wildest dreams, said an energy spokesperson this morning. "But by the time everybody has stopped whingeing and ob...
Read full storyWith His Tousled Hair, Rand Paul Can't Get Elected President
For all his popularity with tea party conservatives and libertarians, Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky will never be able to establish enough trust with American voters to win the presidency, should he run, because of his tousled hair, psychologists and ca...
Read full storyDyson to make bagless bagpipes
Greg Dyson, whose factories make trillions of bagless vacuum hoovers has now patented bagless bagpipes, The bagpipes, which sound just as awful as traditional ones work on "cyclone technology" which is used in their hoovers. Alexei Salmon the Engl...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Banned From The White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has just issued an official White House message which states that pop singer Miley Cyrus will not be allowed on the White House property. Colfax informed the White House Press Corps that th...
Read full storyCarrie Underwood Responds To The Russell Brand Rumors
NASHVILLE - Carrie Underwood makes it a point to mention during all of her concert performances that she is happily married to professional hockey player Mike Fisher. The Oklahoma singer stated that she hates when people refer to Mike as Mr. Carri...
Read full storyNASA Reports That The Martian Land Rover Curiosity Has Discovered Gold
HOUSTON - The people at the National Aeronautics and Space Administration are jumping for joy at the recent discovery made by the Martian land rover Curiosity. Trent Timmelfarb, the official spokesperson for NASA, has informed the news media that...
Read full storyMegyn Kelly's Hometown of Syracuse, New York To Take Down Her Statue and Replace It With A Statue of Santa Claus
SYRACUSE, New York - The upstate New York city of Syracuse, which is the birthplace of FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly, has decided that due to Kelly's way out-of-line comments about the color of Santa Claus' skin it will be forced to take some action.
Read full storyAdam Lambert To Star In The Anderson Cooper Story
HOLLYWOOD - Lions Face Pictures in association with Pipe Dream Films has just announced that Adam Lambert will be starring in Salvo Classacoti's motion picture The Anderson Cooper Story. Lambert spoke with Pomona Vox of Silver Screen Showcase Maga...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Not Allowed To Visit The Statue of Liberty
NEW YORK CITY - The little Canadian pop singer Justin Bieber has just had a rude awakening on his visit to the Big Apple. Bieber had been wanting to visit the world famous Statue of Liberty ever since he was 9-years-old. He paid a visit to the...
Read full storyMegyn Kelly Says That Half of Santa's Elves Are Gay
NEW YORK CITY - FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly not content with her pervious controversial comments has now stated that she knows for a fact that half of Santa's elves are gay. The 43-year-old reporter was asked by American Spotlight Magazine's Fit...
Read full storyLeAnn Rimes Is Very Upset That Christina Aguilera Has Copied Her Skinny-As-Hell Look
LOS ANGELES - Country singer LeAnn Rimes is really upset and mad at pop singer Christina Aguilera. According to a Rimes' insider, the "Blue Bayou" singer saw Aguilera perform a duet with Lady Gaga on The Voice and she was shocked at how utterly sk...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell Wants To Wrestle Megyn Kelly In A Pay-Per-View Match
NEW YORK CITY - Rosie O'Donnell said that the heartless comments made by Megyn Kelly have really upset her children. O'Donnell said that most of the neighborhood children have also been upset and even traumatized at the callously insensitive remar...
Read full storyPhysicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon
A team of the world's best physicists have come up with a noise 100 times worse than bagpipes. The International collaboration of scientists has been made to work in "lockdown" conditions with Dyson technicians, by Bill Gates and Stephen Hawkings unt...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un Wants Lex Luthor and Dr. Doom to Join His Axis of Evil
Kim Jong-Un was confounded in his attempts to get Lex Luthor and Dr. Doom to join his Axis of Evil. The diminutive dictator (who really knows how to put the 'dic' in dictator) has had 19 communications officers executed so far for not contacting Luth...
Read full storyUS Postal Service Lays Off 200 As Tyler Perry Moves To Online Women's Clothing Catalogs
WASHINGTON- The US Postal Service announced today that it has apparently lost one of its largest, most dear customers and will layoff 200 employees in the next few weeks. Postmaster General Patrick Donahoe released a statement indicating that famo...
Read full storyFox News Reporter Megyn Kelly Corrects Jesse Jackson About Nat King Cole Being Black
Atlanta GA Fox reporter Megyn Kelly corrected MLK friend Jesse Jackson when Mr. Jackson was talking about how an African American, Nat King Cole, sang The Christmas Song. "You can tell by listening to him that he's not African-American. And Cole...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Not Pregnant! President Disappointed!
"I wish it were true", the President told ABC and other networks this morning "but it is not true, no matter how many tabloids you read." First Lady Michelle Obama admits that she is not pregnant according to a Source at the White House. "The stor...
Read full storyWinter Solstice solar pole flip expected this weekend
Space, The Cosmos - Just what this means for dotty Miley Cyrus, beleaguered former poster-child for Disney corruption, or past-her-sell-by Sagittarian Vanessa Hudgens isn't immediately clear, of course. All that's cooking up trouble in the cosmos...
Read full storyVirgin Births: If At First You Don't Succeed, Keep On Well, You Know, Until Someone Of A Rumored To Be Higher-Based Nature Can Step In Long Enough To Recklessly Drive You The Rest Of The Way Home From There
WOONSOCKET, RHODE ISLAND - A totally head scratching - hey, you gotta start somewhere - completely idiotic-sounding new and just slightly improved study commissioned by the usual assortment of well-dressed, overly schooled village idiots - otherwise responsible for the perpetual infliction of even more unsubstantiated inconsequential myths than you can shake a stick (among other things) at in the...
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