Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon

Written by Auntie Jean

Thursday, 19 December 2013

image for Physicists invent new Dyson type "bagless" bagpipes weapon
Alex Salmon

A team of the world's best physicists have come up with a noise 100 times worse than bagpipes. The International collaboration of scientists has been made to work in "lockdown" conditions with Dyson technicians, by Bill Gates and Stephen Hawkings until they come up with something not boring.

Recently quoted as having "lost the plot" due to silly inventions like the Higgs Boson and Quarks, it looks like the new invention, dubbed the "Bagophone accoustic weapon" will win a Nobel Prize for the team before Christmas.

The Bagophone accoustic weapon, a cross between Ralph Harris's invention, the Stylophone and Dyson bagless bagpipes is said to emit such a terrible sound that rats and cockroaches have abandoned buildings where it is being tried out. Jacobite sympathiser, Alex Salmon says he is set to adopt it as a National musical instrument after the planned coup in the spring.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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