Beards more popular today than at any time in history
Throughout history UK men have had a fashion for beards, so it was somewhat surprising to discover that a greater proportion of men have a beard in the twenty-first century than at any other time in recorded history. "We have this image of various...
Read full storyDoomsday "Prophet" Harold Camping Postpones Rapture To October 21, 20-*Cough Cough*
ALAMEDA, CA-In the wake of his failed prediction of a May 21, 2011 world end date, Harold Camping took to his radio show to inform the people that the world would now end on October 21, 20-HUHK HUHK HUHK, HUHK HUHK, HUHK HUHK. Camping made it cle...
Read full storyObama to Tea Party: 'You really should switch to decaff Coke
WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN)-President Obama is not afraid of the Tea Party, not by a long shot it appears. In his weekly radio address to the nation, President Obama told listeners that the Tea Party is too hyped up to listen to, too inarticulate to...
Read full storyMature Woman In Internet Ad Demands A Bloody Good Seeing To
One of the mature women featured on obscure comedy website, TheSpoof.co.uk has grown tired of appealing for a date, and has demanded that she be given, in her own words: "A bloody good seeing to." Elsie Freckle, 54, of Littlehampton announced that...
Read full storyMario Balotelli is not my son says Roberto Mancini
Beleaguered Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini has admitted that contrary to popular belief, wayward striker Mario Baletolli is not his son. 'I do not know who started this rumour' said Mancini 'but I can confirm that although I know his mother...
Read full storyMancini's Bum Cheeks Heard Squeaking In Stretford
We're definitely into 'squeaky bum time' in the race for the Premiership, as Manchester's finest slug it out, and reports are flooding in that Roberto Mancini's bum could be heard squeaking from Stretford, some three miles across town. The bum squ...
Read full storyBoston Red Sox: Saps Run the Team Again This Season
If the Red Sox were buying a car in 1955, they'd be first in line to sign up for an Edsel with all the bells and whistles-damn the cost! We learned this week that the Red Sox bought a pig in a poke-or namely Carl Crawford from the Tampa Ba...
Read full storyNew aga-saga says Queen Mother 'was a bastard' - so what else is new?
London - A French maid toiling away at Lord Strathmore's stove has been outed as the birth mother of mad-as-a-hatter Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon who became the wife of King George VI. Marguerite Rodiere was herself the bastard spawn of the Rev Charles Ca...
Read full storyCarpet Fitter Hailed A Hero
A carpet fitter from North Kensington, London, has been hailed a hero after having sex with his neighbour's parrot, Charlie, to calm it down during a fit of rage. Adam Wells, 32, dashed to the rescue of eighty-two-year-old Olive Lilley after Charlie,...
Read full storyBiden has a Bug up his Bum
WASHINGTON--- Vice President, Joe Biden was admitted to George Washington University Hospital last night for what a spokesman said, "is a waste management problem. " The President gave Biden a pass when he said, "Stand up, Chuck let 'em see ya," t...
Read full storyRomney tells Michign audence to 'Chill out!' And they did
KALIMAZOO, MICHIGAN (ABSNN)-- Mitt Romney was heckled by an audience in this Michigan town. He tried jokes; he tried serious poetry readings; he tried shaking hands, but nothing seem to please them. So he asked them what they wanted to hear from him. They heckled him even more until he finally shouted to them to "Chill (the hell) out!" The audience sat dumbstruck. It is my humble opinion th...
Read full storyCome into the garden Maude (with apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson)
Come into the garden, Francis Maude For my Jerry (Mc)Cann of unleaded is blown Come into the garden, Maude, I'm left here smouldering all alone (That damn Woodbine sticking out of my mouth Seeds of unintended arson hath sown...) I lit up in a cloud of dawntide mists With the planet of Love on high Now I realise I musta been pisst When a bolt of lightning struck from the sky All nigh...
Read full storyAll Our Yesterdays - Julius Caesar And The Crossing Of The Rubicon.
Italy - 49BC They stood on the banks of the Rubicon, Caesar and his faithful sidekick Brute. "Are we going or what, boss?" Brute asked. "Hmmm," Caesar prevaricated. "Getting cold feet are we?" "Nah. It's not that Brute me old mucker. I'm just a bit worried about the Romans, and how they'll react when they find out I'm actually a Lazio fan..." "Ah well, in for a cistercium in for...
Read full storyObama Care DOA at the Supreme Court
WASHINGTON, DC (ABSNN)-Obama Care is Dead on Arrival at the Supreme Court, so say Court insiders. Already known is the fact that Justice Anthony Scalia burned holes big enough to pass a donkey through the Obama attorneys. "So, you're telling...
Read full story'Very close relative' of Obama's Chief Performance Office CEO Jeff Zients 'is Mega Millions $640 million lotto winner': reports
Maryland, USA - Highly placed sources are naming 'an extremely close relation' of the President's Office of Management and Budget CEO as one of three $640 million Mega Millions lottery winners. The lucky ticket consisting of randomly-selected numb...
Read full storySpoof Writer Dashes Off Piece Of Nonsense In Fear Of The Number Of The Beast
A local media magnate and contributor to satirical news web site TheSpoof has admitting writing a piece of complete tosh in order to avoid summoning Satan. Ellis Ian Fields, head of the global EIF News & Features organisation, filed the nonsen...
Read full storyChairman Mao up for well deserved sainthood
Yet another great scoop from our intrepid weeki leeks reporter. The Chinese government is in secret negotiations with the Vatican this week and the main item on the agenda is the beatification of that idiot Chairman Mao. The Vatican is almost brok...
Read full storySaturday Kitchen Chef Unveils Radical New Cuisine
One of the country's top chefs surprised the UK TV audience by unveiling his latest ideas on Saturday Kitchen today. Kenwood Le Creuset, who cooks at the world-famous Top Nosh, has been awarded four Dunlop stars for his unique take on Mexican-Kore...
Read full storyYellow snow is tastier
For years people have been warned not to eat yellow snow, the reasons for this were unclear to scientists at Swansea University for the Criminally Insane. In a blind taste test of plain, vanilla, white snow and yellow snow, the yellow snow was uni...
Read full storySpoof Hoaxer Reveals All
Spoof hoaxer Jack Weirdo has confessed in a Tweet that he has fooled the editor of the Spoof with articles that are untrue. 'I've been doing it for years' confessed an repentant Jack 'the editor believed everything. Once he had accepted me as an h...
Read full storyComedy Website Swamped By Mature Women Who Are All Gagging For It
Consternation widespread among readers of tatty comedy website TheSpoof.co.uk recently, as the usual output of blinding idiocy in the written medium has been swamped with advertisements featuring mature ladies who don't actually claim in as many word...
Read full storyThe Snake at the ATM Machine: First Interview
The trouble began when a customer found not only cash but also a snake waiting for him at the ATM machine in Spain. Eek! All's well that ends well, though. Local authorities were called and released the snake from the machine's cash-dispensing...
Read full storyBoston Radio Station Intercepted By Aliens
Mulva Clark was settling down for the night to the tune of some of her favorite MUZAC on a local contemporary Christian music station. It was being used as filler until the station finally began broadcasting, but she liked the way it sounded. It re...
Read full storyGravity, Time, Celestial Mechanics... All Bastards Says Local Woman
A local woman has lashed out at the workings of the universe following the realisation that her birthday fell on a Sunday. She claims that if the universe had been better arranged, she would not face going to work on Monday with a hangover. Mrs...
Read full storyLocal boy crashes wedding of Chloe Moretz
A local boy has been arrested after crashing a wedding in Queensland's south-east today. The wedding of Chloe Moretz to Justin Bieber was going smoothly say police, until the vows were affirmed, at which point the gates of the St Mark's Lutheran c...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Is Still Very Upset At Getting Punk'd By Justin Bieber
NASHVILLE - Country music sensation Taylor Swift is still quite upset, angry, and hurt that she was maliciously punk'd by Justin Bieber. Swift was led to believe and actually felt that she'd had a part in causing a wedding yacht to catch fire and...
Read full storyRihanna To Entertain The U.S. Troops Stationed In Detroit
DETROIT - The honorable Flodell McJefferson, mayor of the city of Detroit just received a fantastic text message. Mayor Mack J, as the people of MoTown refer to him, spoke at a news conference and happily announced that the text message he had rec...
Read full storyAl Gore Shows Sign of Intelligence
Al Gore's Current TV announced today it is ending its relationship with irascible and controversial personality Keith Olbermann. Olbermann, who has been fired from virtually every TV position he has ever held (including his stint at the very liberal...
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