Beards more popular today than at any time in history

Funny story written by IainB

Saturday, 31 March 2012

image for Beards more popular today than at any time in history
Man with a pubic chin

Throughout history UK men have had a fashion for beards, so it was somewhat surprising to discover that a greater proportion of men have a beard in the twenty-first century than at any other time in recorded history.

"We have this image of various points in history as being beardy," said historian Simon Schama. "This is because modern people believe that the razor was not invented until 1981."

During the middle ages, even women had beards, and yet, most men did not have hairy faces.

"For some reason," said Julie Beard, editor of Beard! magazine, "beards have really taken off for men, with nearly seventy-five percent of men now sporting beards."

Historically, beards were reserved for the higher echelons of society.

"This is why we always see beards in paintings," said Schama. "Henry the Eighth, Mary Queen of Scots, or Edmund Blackadder, for instance."

There are no official figures of the number of men with beards in Great Britain as this changes quite frequently as they grow and get shaved off. Instead, numbers have been estimated from the number of beard trimmers sold.

"This suggests that three quarters of all men in the UK have beards," said Julie Beard. "It's either that, or men have to buy multiple beard trimmers. This is highly unlikely, as one man with one beard does not need multiple beard trimmers."

Miss Anne Dray, who runs the Feminists Unite Society, knows where the extra beard trimmers are being used.

"I use a beard trimmer," Dray said. "I like to be neat down there for my girlfriend. I especially like my latest beard trimmer. It's got a fault that makes it wobble. Lovely."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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