"Jailing Internet/Twitter/Facebook Trolls Is Not The Answer" Says Local Man
In a studied response to the revelation that a Twitter troll of the internet persuasion has been locked up for eight weekendless weeks, after Twitter-trolling the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Bolton Wanderers defender Fabrice Muamba's distur...
Read full storyRomney Agrees to Support Affordable Care Act If Renamed RomBamaCare
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney reportedly promised President Barack Obama that he would support the controversial federal healthcare legislation known as "ObamaCare" on the condition that the Affordable Care Act is renamed "RomBamaCare...
Read full storyBrixton stallholder's fury at Osborne 'pasty' tax
London - An Electric Avenue jerk hut proprietor has spoken of his dismay at the new 20% VAT hike on hot takeaway food. "Damn tax on munchies in this time of adversities," Sammy Aikliss grumbled tonight, "filthy thievin Tory bastards is poachin the...
Read full storyOrbital Space Junk Missing International Space Station Turns out to be Kardashian's Dirty Laundry
The space junk that nearly hit the International Space Station (ISS) was erroneously reported to have been a discarded fragment from a Russian rocket booster. Upon further investigation it has been discovered that the space junk was actually the Kar...
Read full storySparks and Mensa develop the push-down bra
Large breasted women everywhere can now finally rejoice. For a long time, women of limited cleavage have been able to buy push up bras to bring them more in line with the perceived national average. The perceived national average is two cup sizes...
Read full storyYorkshire Chips N Gravy Campaigner Ken Mither Backs Greggs In Pie And Pastie VAT Row
Well known chips and gravy campaigner, Ken Mither, of Cleckhuddersfax, West Yorkshire today announced that he would be backing legal moves by bakery giant, Greggs to oppose the imposition of VAT on pies, pasties, and sausage rolls. Further, Mr Mit...
Read full storyCrush
With both hands still positioned on the edges of his keyboard and a few visually interesting but inane documents open on his desktop, he hoped that a passer by would not notice the redness of his face and the firmness of his jaw muscles while he clenched his teeth. It had been more than 15 minutes since Howard Kanupy had left an office carrying the presentation materials that the boss had asked...
Read full storyPolitical Facebook - Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Ron Paul
POLITICAL FACEBOOK Rick Santorum: Hey Mitt how's your Etch A Sketch doing? 8:14 a.m. Mitt Romney: It's doing great Ricky boy. Do you still really feel that if I ran against President Obama that Republicans should vote for him and not me, a GOPer. 8:19 a.m. Rick Santorum: Do skunks stink? Is Lake Michigan wet? Does Lindsay Lohan have hundreds and hundreds of freckles? Of course I do "Hai...
Read full storyJohann Sebastian beBop makes Arizona rap debut to adoring fans
TEMPE, AZ (ABSNN) -"There is yet hope for rap music," said an enthusiastic Governor Jan Brewer who introduced 11-year-old Johann Sebastian beBop, a Caucasian rap singer. Master beBop sang or chanted before a throng of 20,000 last night in Tempe...
Read full storyQueen's bank to be flogged off to Arabs
London - Some Abu Dhabi shaikhs are in the frame to snap up disgraced royal bank C**tts & Co. The Queen's personal slushfund was fined £8.75million yesterday after the FSA slammed its high-risk 'politically exposed persons' caught up in a Pala...
Read full storyEvolution eggs - yawn, another 'Amazing' fossil discovery
Another fossil discovery has been made, and true to form it is hailed as 'amazing'. The mesosaur egg was at first mistaken for dung when it was found in south america by Graciela Piñeiro. It turned out that instead of being a turd, it was in...
Read full storyAssisted dying clinic launches a budget euthanasia clinic
The assisted dying clinic Deathlab has teamed up with Sound As A Pound, the high street budget supermarket to provide Euthanasia on a budget. "One of the main objections to euthanasia in the past," said Deathlab chairperson, Sue Aside, "is the cos...
Read full storyDinner Guest List Horror
"After great pressure from a media out to get me I am becoming transparent and providing names of all my Dinner guests for the current year." So runs the latest press release from the Cameron publicity machine. It is clear that some of these guest...
Read full storyFuel tanker drivers vote yes to disrupting more traffic than usual
Fuel tanker drivers have voted in favour of obstructing markedly more journeys than usual in an ongoing row over safety conditions which have seen them placed in a similar amount of danger to someone trying to over-take one of their vehicles, the Uni...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch their nudist range
Sparks and Mensa, the clothing store for the High IQ High Street shopper, are to launch a range of clothing suitable for nudists. "Intense market research at a variety of nudist camps and beaches have led us to believe that such a range would not...
Read full storySpoof Editor: "We're Done -- Made up stuff way less funny than the real things the U.S. presidential candidates are saying"
Saying "You can't make this stuff up", Editor John Cleeson announced today The Spoof was changing its corporate model to one "based solely on real news stories" following what he called an "epidemic of crazy real batshit stuff from the States." "W...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Derek Hough Says That There Is No Truth To The Intimate Rumors Regarding Him and His Dance Partner Maria Menounos
HOLLYWOOD - Len "The Grouch" Goodman, the English judge on Dancing With The Stars, has stated that this years season 14 celebrities are the very best ever on DWTS. Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli, the Italian judge echoed Goodman's sentiments adding...
Read full storyJoan Rivers To Host The New Reality Game Show "Etch A Sketch This!"
NEW YORK CITY - Comedian Joan Rivers who appears on the E Channel show The Fashion Police as well as on WE's Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best has just agreed to host her very own reality game show. The razor-tongued Rivers has been signed to be t...
Read full storyThe Santorum Sanitarium - Rick Santorum Speaks Up About Mental Health
Yesterday afternoon, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum flabbergasted supporters at a campaign rally in western Arizona by discussing the often-taboo issue of mental health - including that of himself and the other presidential candidate...
Read full storyWith no Democratic challengers to Obama the Party decides to email nomination and save costs
CHARLOTTE, NC (ABSNN)-The City of Charlotte, North Carolina was looking forward to the 2012 Democratic National Convention that was to be held from September 3-6. An announcement that the convention would be scuttled is to be released by the par...
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