Local Man Declares Afghanistan Ungovernable - Even By The Afghans
In his first tentative foray into world politics, local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today declared that Afghanistan is ungovernable - even by the Afghans themselves, and that Western politicians should stop kidding themselves and pull the troops out.
Read full storyTin-Pot Tyrant Toppled by Twitter
Lord John Chief, Tyrannical leader of the North African country of Megalomania has disappeared after being tweeted about by his close associate. In an accidental and bloodless coup, it seems that embarrassment has succeeded where covert operations fa...
Read full story'Alien' remains found in Royal park 'thought to be Lord Lucan'
Edinburgh - Reports from Holyrood Palace tonight said the fugitive MI6/KGB double agent was known for his dead letter drop rendezvous near Salisbury Crags where some newly discovered bones are thought to be those of the missing Irish peer. Lucan v...
Read full storyBritain Will Be Plagued by Vampires!
If those rocket scientists in the British government seize the opportunity to ban the wearing of the cross in public in an effort to eradicate Christianity, the law abiding folk in this 'Sceptred Isle' will find themselves facing a problem, that if n...
Read full storyDoomsday Preppers Cause World Wide Panic
With all the talk of doomsday prepping what else could be expected? These days, people are coming up with all sorts of doomsday prophecies from an economic collapse to mega volcanic eruption in Yellowstone National Park. If you ask me, this is just an excuse to be a hoarder, without letting the world know you have a psychological problem. Really, what are the odds of a major pandemic or electro-ma...
Read full storyRussian tourist drowns in brown ale
A Russian tourist has drowned on his first day in Northumberland. Ilav Anuvva was visiting one of Newcastle's famous breweries, when he fell into a huge vat of brown ale. According to some bystanders, Mr Annuva had been leaning over, trying to...
Read full storyStargate Universe! - a Rant on Parliament and Politics
Perhaps it's me, but today I woke up wondering if I was living in a parallel universe somehow different from the universe inhabited by the fruitloops that frequent Number 10 and the Houses of Parliament. After tripping over the cat and regaining my composure I turned the TV news on and lo, I discovered I was here on planet earth after all even if all these non-elected nutters are not. Yes, u...
Read full storyRon Paul Clinches Tweaker and Junkie Vote, Stoner Vote Split
Recent polls show that Ron Paul out polls all other candidates in popularity among methamphetamine and heroin users. Ron Paul's popularity stems from his drug legalization platform. However his popularity is split with President Obama among marijuana...
Read full storyA look at: This week St Barnandbus Hospital
Our drama unfolds in the operating theatre of St Barnandbus hospital Epsom. The surgeons are half way through removing Mrs Grongles glasses when the anaesthetist asks how long they will take. "How dare you Mild" Said Sir Bitter. "This woman deserves our very best attention!" "Yes Sir!" shouted the Porter. "What" asked Sir Bitter. "Sorry sir, I was watching the monitor" answered What.
Read full storyLocal Slimy Limey Man, Martin Shuttlecock Tailed By Gangstas On Harlem's 125th Street
Local Slimy Limey Man, Martin Shuttlecock told today how he survived a run in with gangstas on Harlem's 125th Street today in true Brit style by 'winging it'. The local man was in town hoping to audition as a writer for Late Night With David Lette...
Read full storyBeeb to copy China TV hit; Execution TV!
The Beeb are planning on copying China TV's sensational hit called; Execution TV. A roving female reporter travels around the local prisons interviewing prisoners before their death sentences are carried out and in China she had to be quick. Once the...
Read full storyNicolette Sheridan Lawsuit Pending, Sarah Palin Signs Deal as Newest Desperate Housewife
With an aptly named "wrongful termination" charge pending by actor Nicolette Sheridan, the California courts will decide if her job (and her character) was indeed killed off with intentional malice and forethought. Desperate Housewives producers wil...
Read full storyWestboro Baptist Church to Appear on New Radiohead Album; Radiohead Cancels Tour
Kansas City, MO -- Just days after protesting outside of a Radiohead show in Kansas City, the Westboro Baptist Church has agreed to appear on the next Radiohead album. About ten Westboro protestors gathered outside the Spirit Center on Sunday nig...
Read full storyMass projectile vomiting predicted at GOP convention!
Newt Gingrich held a press conference yesterday in Biloxi, Mississippi and predicted that if Mitt Romney is nominated as the GOP candidate, "there will mass nausea and projectile vomiting at the convention!" Gingrich elaborated, "And this sickness wi...
Read full storyNottingham Pensioner inspired by Henglebert Eumperdink's comeback!
Henglebert Eumperdink's return to sing in the Euro-vision Song Contest for England, has inspired a Nottingham pensioner, to form a musical group from within the Nottingham City Hospital Rehabilitation Group members. Manager and lead singer of the...
Read full storyHosepipe Ban Latest
Seven water companies across southern and eastern England are to introduce hosepipe bans amid drought conditions. However, for the first time it will now become an offence just to own a hosepipe. A sliding scale of fines will be introduced, with...
Read full storyPlanets forming extremely rare Grand Trine, send punters bonkers in Cheltenham betting frenzy
Gloucestershire - Expect a massive gambling splurge bookies have been told as the zodiac's high-rolling planets of supreme good fortune align for Cheltenham Week. A magnificent starry display in Earth signs of Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn is the fi...
Read full storyNow Playing for the New England Patriots: Rajon Rondo?
Last summer seems a couple of lockouts ago. Back then we recall seeing Rajon Rondo meeting with Chad Ochocinco and Bill Belichick at one of their early practices. Of course, at that time Rondo was not sure where his athletic future would take him.
Read full storyJesus Told to Get Off the Cross
Jesus Christ has been told by the government that he can no longer be crucified at Easter. Equalities minister Lynne Featherstone has instructed lawyers to claim that the cross is not central to Jesus' everyday life. Instead, the lawyers will seek a...
Read full storyAdvice, Support, & Tips for Security Guards - from Inchcock - Part One
Copied from the author's first and Editors Comments page, of his 'Inchcock Monthly Guards Gazette', Issue 147, published on October 2009. (When I say published, he produced it and ran off a few copies for his fellow Security Officers at the Company he worked at who made him redundant through no fault of his own at 62 years of age, and he was the only employee on the firm never to have taken a d...
Read full storyBarbie is 53 Years Old, Takes Up Zumba
To show the world that she's still in great shape, the famous Mattel doll has taken up Zumba, the Latin dance fitness craze that's sweeping the U.S. Dressed in sexy, curve-fitting exercise togs, her blonde locks in a perky ponytail, she was spott...
Read full storyIranian scientist self implode, while setting up a nuclear test.
In a report, leaked by the Pentagon to this reporter, I was told early Monday morning that a small group of Iran's nuclear scientist were actually Jewish scientist that were deep, deep undercover. They were adopted by Muslim families, and were co...
Read full storyIRS Gets Tunnel Vision
The Obama administration today announced the initiation of a new program that provides a free annual colonoscopy for all wage earners with an Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) of more than $40,000 for individuals, and more than $62,000 for couples filing...
Read full storyPresident Romney's First Hectic Week in Office, Beginning 20 January 2013
Washington DC: Republican President Mitt Romney and Vice President Marco Rubio were sworn in on the steps of the US Capitol on Saturday 20 January at exactly 12:00 Noon. The new US chief executives and their families attended several inaugural ba...
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