Local Slimy Limey Man, Martin Shuttlecock Tailed By Gangstas On Harlem's 125th Street

Funny story written by radiogagger

Monday, 12 March 2012

image for Local Slimy Limey Man, Martin Shuttlecock Tailed By Gangstas On Harlem's 125th Street
David Letterman in dark glasses: Not a Gangsta

Local Slimy Limey Man, Martin Shuttlecock told today how he survived a run in with gangstas on Harlem's 125th Street today in true Brit style by 'winging it'.

The local man was in town hoping to audition as a writer for Late Night With David Letterman, the popular late night CBS entertainment show. Shuttlecock had brought some of his work from the popular anti-comedy website thespoof.co.uk.

"Yes it's completely true" Shuttlecock told reporters for the Global Evening NewsSlush website. "I was a little bit out of my depth. I think it was my pale complexion, Primark suit and general downbeat persona that made me stand out as 'not local'. I noticed two men seemed to be tailing me. They were smartly dressed, over 6ft tall and wearing dark glasses. I quickly realised they might be local gangsters".

Pausing for a moment to pull a bit of wax from his ear Mr Shuttlecock continued "My only recollection of gangsters was a drunken claim by a fellow writer Clive Danton of growing up in Bethnal Green where he used to run errants for the local firm Ronnie and Reggie Kray".

"I quickly pulled a match out and stuck it between my teeth. Instantly I looked more convincing. They approached me and asked me what was my business in the area? I told them 'Tony' had sent me. Every gangster knows someone called 'Tony'. Having put them at ease, I continued to give them a steaming pile of bull by convincing them I was here to broker a bet on a pool match involving Fast Eddie".

It turned out that the two gangsters were wet behind the ears and they bought everything Shuttlecock said. "One even gave me his number as I told them I was shipping Tower Bridge over from London to sell bit by bit and needed a local to handle the admin. I also gave them my address in London, which is actually Dantons workshop on the Cambridge Heath Road. If they turn up there, he'll go for them with a monkey wrench"

Despite the lucky escape, chancer Shuttlecock revealed he is not 100% in the clear yet. "I told the wife Anne back home in blighty I was only popping out for a pint of milk and that was four days ago. She's gonna batter me with the rolling pin Andy Capp style when I walk through the front door"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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