In his first tentative foray into world politics, local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today declared that Afghanistan is ungovernable - even by the Afghans themselves, and that Western politicians should stop kidding themselves and pull the troops out.
After studying an overview of the current state of affairs in the country, by reading The Sun and The Daily Mail online, Shuttlecock declared Afghanistan "a no win situation."
Declaring that the West had made tangible gains by way of strikes against Al Qaeda and the Taliban, Shuttlecock stated that there was little further point in maintaining a military presence in what he described as "a mad place."
"Historically, nobody has ever succeeded in taming Afghanistan," Shuttlecock said. "And I should know because I Googled it. The British tried and failed, then the Russians had a go, and they failed, and now NATO is having a pop, and although they're having a degree of success, they've gone as far as they can go. It's time to bring the troops home. What it is, right, is that we make the mistake of thinking Afghanistan is some sort of a country, in the sense that we understand it. But it isn't. I know an Afghan who drives a taxi in Southampton, and he told me that nobody in Afghanistan ever agrees with anyone else - unless there's money involved - and that the whole place is totally corrupt. That's from the horse's mouth that is. Mind you, he is a Liverpool fan, and you can't trust them bastards either."
More as we get it.
