Feds Get $10 Million to Conduct Study On How To Spend $5 Million
The Obama government has ear marked $10 million in funds so the Department of Justice can conduct a study on how best to spend a $5 million grant. The announcement came the same day that law makers voted that the most economical way of of saving m...
Read full storyUEFA Condemns Euro 2012 Hacker Attacks
UEFA chiefs spoke out against hacker attacks made on eastern European teams at Euro 2012 as in a series of concerted assaults unidentified hackers stole vowels from players' names in an attempt to sabotage TV commentaries. A spokesman angrily stat...
Read full storyPixie Lott Pixellated
The world of Brit music was reeling this morning after what happened last night when top pop paparazzi gathered to snap petite starlet Pixie Lott as she emerged from London's Smithfield Meat Market on the arm of her beau, trainee cheesemaker Oliver W...
Read full storyJobseeker's Allowance Now Paid in Biscuits
David Cameron announced to the House of Commons yesterday the Tories latest plan to ensure that it always pays to work. 'Too many people on benefits see it as a free lunch,' said the Prime Minister. As of Friday, Jobseeker's Allowance will be paid in...
Read full storyCeltic Board Advised to Say "No" to "The Rangers" Plea for Inclusion in SPL
Celtic Football club have released a statement saying that they will probably have to say "No" to newly created football team "The Rangers" plea for inclusion in the Scottish Premier League. The decision came after the Celtic board got together a...
Read full storyObama Dumps Biden; Names Apple's Siri As His Running Mate
Washington, DC - Faced with declining poll numbers and a withering economy, President Barack Obama has dropped Vice President Joe Biden from the Democratic presidential election ticket, selecting Apple's digital assistant Siri as his new running mate...
Read full storyLouise Mensch Terrified John Prescott Will Win Political Tweeter of the Year Award
Friends of Louise Mensch have revealed that she is being tormented by nightmares about losing the Political Tweeter of the Year award to John Prescott. Both politicians have been nominated for the award, but Louise is the only one in the world w...
Read full story007 Interrupts Fole-De-Role about Bloody Polo Match on Radio Ga Ga FM to Explain the Naval Situation in the Pacific
I'm not here to mince words with anyone. Please pay attention, because we don't have that much time. Nixon's Ghost has been sighted in the Pacific. The Admiralty understands what needs to be done, and is taking steps to achieve same. As the Yellow Submarine is no longer being used here to fleece the same tourists who sold all of us down the river, I am requisitioning it to find Nixon's G...
Read full storyUkrainian prostitutes go on strike; too much coitus interruptus during sex with footy fans!
Ukrainian prostitutes have been pretty busy during the Euro 2012, but now they have decided to strike until it is all over. The reason why they are striking is because footy fans visiting the local bordellos in the Ukraine are too busy watching the g...
Read full storyReg Bond Reveals Why He Refused To Provide Personal Security For Harry Styles, Zayn Malik And Liam Payne Of One Direction
One time bodyguard to the stars, and currently an aspiring Burnley chip shop proprietor, Reg Bond today revealed why he eventually refused to provide personal security for Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne, of boyband One Direction. Speaking...
Read full storyBoston Red Sox Toxicity: Colorless and Odorless
Red Sox fans may demand that the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) be called in to investigate the fetid air in the Boston clubhouse, according to insider sources. Carbon monoxide is usually colorless and odorless, and the Red Sox are opaque...
Read full storyPresident Obama Has Decided To Make Mexico The USA's 51st State
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama and Vice-President Biden were recently sitting out in the White House Rose Garden discussing ways of attracting more voters. The vice-president had suggested that a great way to get millions of voters would be fo...
Read full storyEuro 2012: Italians tell Spanish & Croatians 'Don't Mess With the Two Two'
Italian football chiefs today warned Spain and Croatia that they would demand a full UEFA investigation if the two countries draw 2-2 in tonight's final group match, and eliminate the Italians regardless of their result v Republic of Ireland. In a...
Read full storyAlien Spaceship at the Bottom of Baltic Confirmed
Swedish explorers have discovered an Alien spaceship at the bottom of the Baltic, however, the aliens appear to be undocumented and illegal, thus meaning they will not be allowed entry into Sweden. It is expected that President Obama will welcome th...
Read full storyBookies slash odds for Queen no-show at Royal Ascot
Windsore, Berks - Reports that she clocked a shiner in a row with Prince Philip have been hastily put down to a playful pillow fight. But the discovery of a ten pound brick inside a monogrammed cushion cover has successfully rubbished the Palace's...
Read full storyJustin Bieber channels Michael Jackson with crotch grab. Comes up empty handed!
In a vain attempt to usurp the title of "King Of Pop" from the late, lamented MJ, Justin Bieber was seen practicing the ever popular, ever revolting crotch grab dance step popularized by the great one himself. Justin's problem was that the pueril...
Read full storyIt's That Time of Year! Bad Taste and the Gruesome Twosome Set to Return to Royal Ascot!
Odds makers are having a bit of fun again his year prior to the kickoff for the Royal Ascot setting the odds on what the Princess Uglies, Beatrice and Eugenie can do for a 'topper' after the Royal Wedding great hat fiasco! Millinery Mavens say the...
Read full storyTennis star David Nalbandian fires up Falkland feud at match
Argentine tennis ace David Nalbandian has started off a Falkland War feud after kicking out at British line judges at a Wimbledon warm up tournament at Queens Club yesterday. Nalbandian claims he was kicking an advertising hoarding out of frustrat...
Read full storyMitt Romney Is Seriously Considering Naming Rush Limbaugh As His Vice-Presidential Choice
BANGOR, Maine - Mitt Romney's presidential campaign pulled into the town that was made famous by country music artist Johnny Cash with his 50s song "I Drove Up To Bangor, But She Was Gone." Romney, 65, speaking at The Chicken of The Sea Jr. Colleg...
Read full storyCIA concrete virus turns Windsor Castle into a Bouncy Castle
A genetically engineered virus created in the Langley Labs in the USA was accidentally unleashed in Windsor during a scientist's visit to the Queen's residence there. The Virus, codenamed Flubber turns concrete and stone into a gelatinous material...
Read full storyMan Sues Arizona State for NOT Racially Profiling Him during Line Up
As the country anticipates the Supreme Court's decision on Arizona's controversial 2010 immigration law, an Arizona man is suing Tuscan PD for organizing what he says he was NOT a racially profiled Identity parade. Attorneys for Miguel Rodriguez c...
Read full storyThe Dyson bird feeder is not 100% squirrel proof
In his bid to make the world are more aesthetic place that is safer, easier to navigate and largely yellow and purple, Dyson's new range of bird feeders have hit the trees and branches of suburbia. "It's an elegant design," said Ellie James, an e...
Read full storyNeed a dice? There's an app for that
The app that board games and bored commuters have been waiting for, has finally been released by Random Apps of Luton. The world's first shake and slide applelet, iDice, has hit the iStore. "Brilliant, utterly brilliant," said App World! editor, M...
Read full storyPanic as bus arrives on time in Liverpool
At 10.20am British Transport Police responded to an incident on St. Mary's Road, Garsten, Liverpool, following a 999 call that a bus' timely arrival had compromised cherished national satisfaction with mediocrity. The current standard by which the bu...
Read full storyLeBron James or James LeBron: Secret Agent Man
When secret agent LeBron James plays Kevin Durant, there is no Thunderball. LeBron is the winner who takes all. The NBA must guarantee that LeBron James wins a championship. Otherwise, he is an Octopussy. The NBA has standards. When it crowns...
Read full storyAgents scrambling to sign Zombie Entertainers
Talent agents jobs are not easy and finding quality entertainers is almost as difficult as finding a doughnut in Michael Moore's home. However, the prudent talent agent can find talent no matter where it comes from. Matthew Schleply, Dead Talent A...
Read full storyCalls for UK Doctors to "Go on strike! Stay on strike! Sign on the dole!"
NHS Hospitals, United Kingdom: Thursday 21st June 2012, the 'caring' Doctors in the United Kingdom who have signed the 'Hypocratic Oath' to save peoples lives... These 'caring' UK Doctors will strike for their own outrageous display of selfishness...
Read full storyDrive-By on President Obama Event
Today at a fundraiser for President Obama something very unusual happened. The Mitt Romney tour bus began circling the event, honking its horn and tossing out campaign stickers to event participants. One participant, long-time Democrat Megan Schin...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Weekend report (with football results)
Dear Constituents. I have had a very hectic weekend. The weekend of any good MP like me is a very busy one although sometimes it is complicated by domestic matters. My wife was urgently summoned to visit her mother in Macclesfield on Friday afternoon. Despite the effect this sort of last minute announcement can make to my own social plans, it can have benefits such as a welcome relief an...
Read full storyEarth Drawing Appeal of Tomatoes
The Earth has a new ally against secret religions in the universe. The tomato! In a new push to bring new lifeforms to Earth, scientists have developed a special brand of tomato called Earthy. This fruit/vegetable when sliced in half will reveal...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens Speaks To An Angel
In a candid interview Vanessa Hudgens tells "Entertainment of the World," that the angel Moroni spoke to her in a vision. Hudgens was bathing with bath salts when Moroni came down upon her from the heavens and pulled her into the bedroom. In the b...
Read full storySouth Carolina Holds 14th Annual Zombie Shoot and Barbecue
From June 23 to July 04, South Carolina will host the 14th Annual South Carolina Zombie Shoot and Barbecue. The event will be hosted by Gov. Henry McMaster and Sen. Tim Scott and barbecue events will be officiated by Pit Masters Kevin Roberts, Myron...
Read full storyEuro 2012: Is Wayne Rooney 'the new Jimmy Greaves?'
Speculation was mounting last night that England boss Roy Hodgson was going to keep faith with the strikers that won the game v Sweden on Friday and not recall Wayne Rooney, available after suspension. Andy Carroll, substitute Theo Walcott and Dan...
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