South Carolina Holds 14th Annual Zombie Shoot and Barbecue

Written by Heeke

Monday, 18 June 2012

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Best Tasting Barbecue In South Carolina

From June 23 to July 04, South Carolina will host the 14th Annual South Carolina Zombie Shoot and Barbecue. The event will be hosted by Gov. Henry McMaster and Sen. Tim Scott and barbecue events will be officiated by Pit Masters Kevin Roberts, Myron Mixon,
Warren Sapp and Art Smith.

Gov. McMasters stated that South Carolina has an over abundant population of zombies and felt the need to curb the population just a little and offset a state deficit of $3 billion dollars. To offset the state deficit, participants will be asked for a $100 tag fee for all zombie hunters and a $40-per-person and $60-per-family entrance fee for the barbecue and zombie hunt spectators.

When asked if the governor would be participating himself he replied, "While I would love to participate, there will be no union zombies available and I find it demoralizing if I can't shoot another union member out of South Carolina," he chuckled and added, "However if Union Leader Jimmy Hoffa's zombie is located, I will gladly jump in with my Hi-Point TS995 9MM carbine and shoot him as many times as I can."

To maintain safety for all participants from becoming zombie food, there will be a 40 foot electrified fence erected around the entire campground area. Placed every 25 yards will be towers manned by 3 guards with 50 caliber machine guns using explosive rounds. Participants in the zombie shoot are allowed the use of any weapon they choose with the exception of rocket launchers and bazookas. As a precaution for all hunters, they will be given a complete physical before being allowed to reenter the campground to ensure that there are no infected hunters or zombies posing as hunters.

The event is expected to bring in over 800,000 people over a ten day period and will be fun for all. Booths will use the theme of zombies when creating their games. The ever popular "Zombie Shoot" game is similar to a live arcade game where a person stands behind a line and fires at real zombies to hone their skills. Another popular zombie game pits a zombie against a live chicken and a maze. Patrons bet on how long the chicken will live or if the chicken escapes before the zombie eats it. For children, there will be a "Whack-A-Zombie" game similar to "Whack-A-Mole."

Sen. Scott stated that the only problems he foresees for the event is that the hunters may come across a relative who has become a zombie and become emotional and distraught over having to place a slug in their cranium. However seeing as most South Carolinians have no problem shooting relatives this might not really be an issue since the zombies of Democrats and Independents will be used. He, like the Governor, expect to have an enormous turnout for the affair.

Festivities will wrap up on July 4th, with a fireworks display and a final judging of the barbecue. Fireworks will be provided by the America is Strong fireworks company. A company spokesman has stated that the South Carolina commission on Recreation paid an estimated $200,000.00 for fireworks and they are going to give them a show they will never forget. They will be launching zombies on modified rockets that will explode high in the air and cause total destruction of the zombie.

Governor McMaster stated that he would like for the nation to come on down and join the fun. For event information and regulations go to

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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