Agents scrambling to sign Zombie Entertainers

Written by Heeke

Monday, 18 June 2012


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image for Agents scrambling to sign Zombie Entertainers
He's a hunk of rotting flesh.

Talent agents jobs are not easy and finding quality entertainers is almost as difficult as finding a doughnut in Michael Moore's home. However, the prudent talent agent can find talent no matter where it comes from.

Matthew Schleply, Dead Talent Agency, has been searching for and signing entertainers that have died and returned as zombies. Some of his most recent clients include: Elvis Presley, Curt Kobain, Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor.

Schleply stated, "These entertainers were greats in their prospective businesses and with my guidance they will be great again."

When asked about how he pays his clients, he stated, "Keeping these entertainers happy isn't hard at all. Just feed them a few bums and they will work day and night. Elvis is my problem child because he can't seem to curb his appetite."

Relatives of the dead entertainers say that it is great to see their relatives up and back at work bringing more income into their already depleted resources.

Other talent agents are seeking to sign entertainers before they die just in the off chance that they might return as zombies. Clarence Bigelow said, "Why should we wait until they die and return when we can just sign them while they're alive and wait for them to do what they always do. You know, OD on drugs, booze or sex. As soon as they come back we can put them straight to work."

One agent, who wished to remain anonymous, stated, "We know it's morbid doing what we're doing, but we have all this talent that is just going to go to waste if we don't do something about it. We only have to pick up the pieces that fall off during the job. Elvis was dancing at one gig and a buttocks cheek fell off. "

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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