'In your dreams!' Jessie-J tells Will Loomis as copyright suit turns horrid

Funny story: 'In your dreams!' Jessie-J tells Will Loomis as copyright suit turns horrid

Newport, California - A legal spat between the lead singer of Loomis and the Lust and UK songbird Jessie-J says her latest single Domino is a direct rip-off from a track in his 2008 smash hit music video Bright Red Chords. It sees musician Will Lo...

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Celebrity heart transplant patient ready to leave hospital

Funny story: Celebrity heart transplant patient ready to leave hospital

Mr Alf Fosset has made a speedy recovery after undergoing a heart transplant last month. The 55 year old Slather Polisher from West Ham had undergone extensive tests before the procedure could go ahead. He had been waiting two years before gettin...

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The Bob Diamond Jubilee stung with record £290m fine

Funny story: The Bob Diamond Jubilee stung with record £290m fine

London - The longest running scam of the decade has finally been caught out, following a stellar 60 year run. This morning City regulators fined the mendacious bastards in charge of the scam £290m ($450m) for willfully bollocking a gullible public...

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World's Most Expensive Hat Comes With Car

Complimentary services and products have long been used to intensify consumer interest. The added value of something free with something you pay for has been used to market high end products and as seen on TV junk alike. Although this is nothing new,...

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Pope Launches 'Moses': New Holy-Tasking Tablet for Catholics

Funny story: Pope Launches 'Moses': New Holy-Tasking Tablet for Catholics

Vatican City - Dressed more like Steve Jobs than St. Steven, Pope Benedict XVI introduced the Catholic Church's answer to Apple's iPad today, devoting his audience in St. Peter's Square to the global launch of the Moses Multi-Task Tablet. "Anyone...

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John Travolta Says That He's Had It With All of These Gay Rumors and Says He's Moving To Mexicali, Mexico

Funny story: John Travolta Says That He's Had It With All of These Gay Rumors and Says He's Moving To Mexicali, Mexico

WEST HOLLYWOOD - John Travolta says that he can take a lot, but it has now gotten to the point of being too much of a lot. He recently spoke with Coquette Eucalyptus of The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette and told her that the rumor mills have now...

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Euro 2012: Ashley Cole and Ashley Young 'retired' from international football

Funny story: Euro 2012: Ashley Cole and Ashley Young 'retired' from international football

The Football Association today announced that the two penalty missers from the quarter-final defeat to Italy are both retiring from international football with immediate effect. Ashley Cole had played 98 times for England, and only days before the...

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Argentinian Catholic Bishop proves there's hope yet; he was caught hugging a bikini-clad woman!

Funny story: Argentinian Catholic Bishop proves there's hope yet; he was caught hugging a bikini-clad woman!

Argentinian bishop, Bishop Bargallo (Not Balotelli) has been caught in an amorous position on the beach and in the water with a bikini-clad woman, shocking! He attempted to deny allegations that he was having sex with her (Not on the beach) and at...

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Mitt Romney To Local Pizza Shop Owner 'So Bad I Wouldn't Feed It To My Dog'

TENNESSEE- Mitt Romney's latest stop on his campaign trail ended in a momentous gaffe, even for Romney. While visiting a local Athens pizzeria called Giovanni De Luca's Amore Pizz-A-Pie, owner Billy Bob Smith handed Romney a slice of his prized '...

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Barack Obama Feels the "Heats" at a Florida Rally - President Barack Obama swings and misses-again

If you want to find a good parallel to the verbal miscues of the U.S. President, you may want to look at Mayor Thomas "Mumbles" Menino of Boston. He slays the names of the hometown team players. Now for the second time in a week, President Obama h...

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Jersey set to dump the UK as 'Irony Age' coin hoard valued at billions

Funny story: Jersey set to dump the UK as 'Irony Age' coin hoard valued at billions

Channel Isles - A fabulous treasure trove of precious coins is set to liberate Jersey from British Government tyranny. Valued at several times the offshore haven's hidden tax billions the one tonne of Roman and Celtic currency may have been buried...

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Sinnicks Clinics - a regular feature by our medical correspondent

This week, Doctor Sinnick discusses the case of a patient with haemorrhoids. Before he came in I'd checked his files - the case notes showing a plague of piles I asked him about his current state, though anything rectal is my special hate. I said to him. "Well, now, let's check your fate. Perhaps it's a scissors job if not too late." Then, for amusement, I said to him, my finger...

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Quentin Kelp MP - Midweek Update

Dear Constituents I've had such a hectic week and it's only Wednesday. But here's my belated weekend report to all of you, my enthusiastic supporters and Krupton constituents. As expected, the weekend concert of teenage hopefuls hammering on drums and trying to emulate Jimmy Hendrix was a rain sodden mud bath. Fair play to them for sticking it out but who can blame them for deciding enoug...

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Bomber Command nemesis of the IRA handshake Queen

Funny story: Bomber Command nemesis of the IRA handshake Queen

London - A karmic thunderbolt threatens to smite down Elizabeth Windsor on Thursday as she unveils the World War II memorial in Hyde Park. Scenes of her glad handing IRA murderer Martin McGuinness this morning have suck - er...stuck! - in the craw...

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Are you ready to be a parent?

Funny story: Are you ready to be a parent?

Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real life experience of being a mother or father. Women: To prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag chair down the front. Leave it there for nine months. After nine months, remove 10% of th...

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Lady Gaga Addresses The Scandalous Rumors About Her and Heidi Montag

Funny story: Lady Gaga Addresses The Scandalous Rumors About Her and Heidi Montag

TARZANA, California - Lady Gaga was backstage relaxing after having performed to a sold-out crowd at The Gary Busey International Speedway. The New York City songstress was extremely overjoyed as she had received a total of four encores. She t...

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Holyrood Cabinet Goes On Tour - Ministers In Fear Of Salmond's Tests

Funny story: Holyrood Cabinet Goes On Tour - Ministers In Fear Of Salmond's Tests

Scottish ministers fear the savage retribution of their leader after their annual summer tour of the country during which they will hold meetings on Skye, and in Renfrew and Orkney. This will be the fifth consecutive year that the Cabinet has emba...

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Mayan Doomsday End of the World Scenario Could Play Havoc with House Prices

Worried estate agents say they fear a housing price crisis should the world end on either the 21st or 22nd of December 2012 as predicted by the Mayan calendar with some estate agents claiming that many properties could be forced into foreclosure as s...

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Pet mis-diagnosed as suffering from special needs

A family pet has become the first animal to be officially diagnosed as special needs after it became trapped in the same place for the eighth time this year. The cat, Daley, named after former Olympic Decathlon Champion Daley Thompson, once again...

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MLB Cheating: As American as Apple Pie and Hot Dogs

The hidden ball trick has gone to the ultimate level. When New York Yankee outfielder Dewayne Wise did not catch the ball after going over the short wall in an effort, the umpire Mike DiMuro ruled it was a fair catch. The Wise guy faked the n...

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State merger proposed

Funny story: State merger proposed

In a bid to simplify the teaching of the states, a new proposal has been put forward to merge some states. "Why do we need a North and South Dakota?" asked Dee Sentrale, head of a Californian PR firm. "So we will be merging them into just Dakota.

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Dangerous drivers to get an unusual punishment

Funny story: Dangerous drivers to get an unusual punishment

The Department For Road And Transport have come up with an unusual way of punishing dangerous drivers, in an attempt to rehabilitate them. "Simply fining and locking up dangerous drivers does not alter their driving style," Mike Penning, minister...

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Queen - McGuinness Handshake Rehearsal Fiasco

Funny story: Queen - McGuinness Handshake Rehearsal Fiasco

As the world watched Belfast today in anticipation of an historical handshake, details emerged of unsavoury scenes during preparations for the event. During Her Majesty's Jubilee visit to Northern Ireland she was expected to shake hands with Deput...

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A True Diary of Woe - Part 58 - Going to Work

Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part 58 - Going to Work

A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 102: Going to work - 1960 I knew of the one-day bus-drivers strike, so set out really early to walk the 8 miles or so to Buwell. Being greeted as I opened the door by the snow and ice I did not expect. I went back in and adorned me well...

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The Vomit Will Be Flowing Through the Gutters of Washington DC. Tonight!

What are you doing tonight? "Yea, man, like let's go down to Washington DC par-tay in George Town! I mean, were going to have a great time, have a few brewskis, find some ladies, oh yea, let's go!" The Reality First you go down to George Town and your ride is a geeky friends 1991 Volkswagen rabbit. You sit in traffic for an hour to get into George Town and then you can't find a parking sp...

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The Robert Pattinson - Kristen Stewart Relationship Appears To Be On The Rocks

Funny story: The Robert Pattinson - Kristen Stewart Relationship Appears To Be On The Rocks

HOLLYWOOD - The couple that Joan Rivers called one of the happiest couples that she has ever seen; since Dick and Liz, appears to be heading straight for Rocksville. A source close to both R-Pattz and K-Stew stated to Bedroom Pillow Talk that the...

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Angelina Jolie Is Furious With Brad Pitt At His Suggestion That They Have A Double Wedding With Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux

Funny story: Angelina Jolie Is Furious With Brad Pitt At His Suggestion That They Have A Double Wedding With Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux

NEW YORK CITY - Brad Pitt and Angelina visited the Big Apple with their brood of half dozen kids. The couple had been wanting to have them visit the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, Madison Square Garden, and the apartment building where Madonna l...

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Lord Cameron To Outlaw Poorlessness

Funny story: Lord Cameron To Outlaw Poorlessness

Tory leader, Lord Cameron of Snooty, announced the largest shake up of welfare reforms this week since Hitlers' rise to power in 1930's Berlin. In a speech, clearly designed to appease the Conservative Right, Lord Cameron launched a blistering at...

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Spider-Man Ousted from NYC Gym

Funny story: Spider-Man Ousted from NYC Gym

To many, he's the amazing Spider-Man. But he's not that amazing to the owners of a gym on the upper East side of Manhattan. They had given him a temporary pass to use the gym facilities, but they're not pleased with his behavior. They've confirmed what was only a rumor: that they've turned down Spidey for permanent membership. These are the reasons they gave: -- Spider-Man refuses to us...

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Euro 2012: Spain ask UEFA for extended half-time siesta

Funny story: Euro 2012: Spain ask UEFA for extended half-time siesta

European Champions and World Cup winners Spain, have asked UEFA to increase the half-time break in their semi-final against Portugal from 15 minutes to 60 minutes as they struggle to overcome tiredness. The defending champs had to play their quart...

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Roger Clemens Agrees To Appear On The Next Edition of Dancing With The Stars

Funny story: Roger Clemens Agrees To Appear On The Next Edition of Dancing With The Stars

HOLLYWOOD - Tom "The Sad Face" Bergeron, host of Dancing With The Stars, has just announced that Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens will be appearing on the upcoming season of the reality dance show. The shows producer Bernadette Penderle...

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Kim Kardashian Accidentally Texts Boyfriend Kanye West That She Is Getting Bored With Him

Funny story: Kim Kardashian Accidentally Texts Boyfriend Kanye West That She Is Getting Bored With Him

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kim Kardashian has just done the worst thing that a text messager could ever possibly do. She has accidentally sent a text message to her boyfriend, Kanye West, when she meant to send it to her sister Khloe instead. Kim told...

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English Teacher In Hot Water After Teaching Students How To Make A Millwall Brick

Funny story: English Teacher In Hot Water After Teaching Students How To Make A Millwall Brick

An English teacher living in the Thai capital of Bangkok, is in trouble with authorities at his school this morning after he was reported to have taught his students how to make the ultimate football weapon - a Millwall Brick. Monkey Woods, 49 las...

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Easy Recipies, Number 4 - Veal Sweetbreads, Drizzled With Lemon & Accompanied By Safron Rice

In this short series of recipes we will teach readers how to prepare snacks, lunches and even 5 course dinners quickly and easily. Today we continue the series with veal sweetbreads, drizzled with lemon and accompanied by saffron rice, a quick snack that kids will love. 1. This dish is extremely complicated to make. You need to firstly obtain veal sweetbreads and at $17.99 a pound they are not...

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British and the World Hoodwinked by Royal Family - Despite The Jubilee Queen and Royal Family Still The Same Old Elitists With Chips on Their Shoulders

News that the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton, who will one day be the Queen has been instructed to curtsy to uglier members of the Royal family, simply because she does not have "Royal Blood" has unfortunately shown the Royal's for what they tru...

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Wimbledon 2012: Andy Murray Routs Unknown Russian

Funny story: Wimbledon 2012: Andy Murray Routs Unknown Russian

British number one tennis player Andy Murray opened his 2012 Wimbledon campaign by producing a near-faultless display during a crushing victory over unknown Russian Davy Denko. Fourth seed Murray dominated Denko with huge serves and beautifully-ac...

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