Report: "For real" now used solely when lying
New York, NY--According to a new report by Columbia University, the phrase 'For real', originally devised by inner-city dwellers to convey truthfulness or legitimacy, is now solely used as a device to feign emotions and disguise dishonesty. "Our s...
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Bill Maher Becomes Part Owner of The New York Mets - Receives 9,000 Phone Calls Asking For Free Tickets
NEW YORK CITY - Bill Maher is an observational sociopolitical commentator, which in English 101, means that he bitterly makes remarks about politics and the big boys and girls who participate in the quasi-dysfunctional p world (political). Maher p...
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Gay for a Day Festival Organisers "In Hiding"
Politicians of all persuasions united today to condemn the wave of tabloid hysteria sweeping the country which had forced the organisers of "Gay for a Day" to abandon the event and seek police protection in a safehouse somewhere in Brighton. It wa...
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Kate and William look-a-likes stood in for them at the Jubilee Concert
Michael Law and Jessica Cotton have admitted that it was them, and not Kate and William Windsor at the Jubilee Concert. "We're the country's best Kate and Wills look-a-likes," said Jessica. "As Kate and Wills wanted a little alone time, they gave...
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Isle of Wight News - Ring of Fire scares off terns
Environmentalists have slammed the Island's decision to have a ring of fire around the island to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee. Fifteen hundred beacons were set up at quarter mile intervals around the island, and were all lit on Bank Holiday Mond...
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Only the good die young
New Jersey-The 20 yr old man accused in the Shady Orchard shooting spree hanged himself in his jail cell early Sunday morning. Neil Boarts had pled guilty to the rampage that left 49 dead last October. He was awaiting sentencing. On October 15...
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The heat is on as Madonna and Marine Le Pen 'forced to use separate airports' in ongoing spat
New York - The Material Girl was forced to cancel her trip to the UK this weekend via the private airport at RAF Northolt as the temperature rose in her ongoing feud with Marine Le Pen. A tip-off informed her that the French Far Right politician's...
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Tekkin da piss wid da Dook of Eddenbra
Windsor - Prince Philip has been hospitalised with a bladder infection after using some dodgy facilities on yesterday's boat trip. Apparently he was heard complaining loudly about 'having to share the blasted bog' with the Middleton family and the...
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Virtuoso's sister Yaltah Menuhin 'was on the fiddle' says biographer
London - With her freakish Arch Druidess costumes and massive wobbly posterior the late Yaltah Menhuin has been outed as a feckless tramp according to a new memoir. Former Royal College of Music Emeritus Professor of Tuba Techniques Sir Busby Bogr...
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Wagner's Last Opera Found in Venice attic!
VENICE - There is no Wahnfried ("Peace/freedom from delusion/madness," in German), in Valhalla these days. A sheaf of manuscripts, dated 1882, has been found in an attic next door to where Richard Wagner spent his last days. Wagner died Februar...
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Spoof's Royal Correspondent Saves Monarchy
Our pressroom has witnessed some amazing events but none to approach our excited Royal Correspondent who was overcome by the Diamond Jubilee celebrations. He ran along the Thames towpath interviewing happy people gazing at the river as the boats w...
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Greece Goes into Voluntary Liquidation
Angry tourists gathered in Athens today as it emerged that Greece has ceased trading. The news emerged as German bailiffs closed in to recover unpaid bailout funds. In the words of one, Mr Hans Offenkraut: "When we broke into the country this...
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Euro 2012: Injured Gary Cahill 'will spend tournament with John Terry's wife'
Roy Hodgson was left reeling last night after the fourth withdrawal to his Euro 2012 squad. Gary Cahill, with a broken jaw from saturdays 1-0 win over Belgium, joins midfielders Frank Lampard (thigh), Gareth Barry (abdomen) and goalkeeper John Rud...
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Queen's Diamond Jubilee Celebrations: Man admits 'I'm going slightly mad'
A man was admitted to hospital today after going slightly mad because of the blanket media coverage of the four day Queens Diamond Jubilee celebrations. The man, Ray Di O'Garger, of Italian-Irish descent told reporters: "On saturday I read abou...
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Joey Barton, banned, beaten and "bovvered"!
Outspoken kicker of Argentinian soccer players, banned Joey Barton, has got a taste of his own medicine in his home town called Liverpool. He was out clubbing (should have known better than to do it there!) in Liverpool after a stressful season at QP...
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Who's the Queen of the Boston Celtics?
When Ray Allen speaks, the world listens. After the recent playoff game, he said the series between Miami and Boston was like a game of chess. Ray then went one move beyond. He said the real strategy hinged on the Queen of each team. Ray said, "Th...
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Diamond Jubilee River Pageant Judged "An Absolute Crock" By Subjects
Yesterday's Diamond Jubilee River Pageant has today been blasted by entertainment watchdogs as being either the worst, or else the second worst televised Royal event ever. Neville Grant, a spokesman for the British Television Media Authority said...
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Cameron Pays Tribute to Special Forces Rescue
Further details emerged today of the dramatic rescue of besieged British minister Jeremy Hunt by Conservative special forces. Mr Hunt, who was ambushed two weeks ago while delivering aid to News International was being held by media factions oppos...
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First of the Lunar Eclipse rattlers as 6.1 magnitude quake hits Java
Indonesia - The Pacific Ring of Fire was shaken by a 6.1 tremor today just as the eclipsed Sagittarius full moon's shadow path crossed the equator. "The area is notorious for over-reacting to astrological phenomena," a spokesperson for the World G...
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Bin Lorry fined for littering by local council
The overzealous littering team at Trafford Council have issued a fixed penalty notice to the Refuse Collection Team that covers Sale and Altrincham after one of their authorised members of staff noticed that some litter fell from the back of the lorr...
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Rondo Joins the Next Generation of Star Trek
When Rajon Rondo showed up at Game 4 of Miami and Boston wearing one of the Star Trek jerseys, we knew it was time to beam him up. No, Rondo was not wearing Captain Kirk's jersey. That would be totally inappropriate. If he should wear anyone's jer...
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Smart As a Fox, part V
The euphoria of hitting the jackpot, i. e., being refunded, was over. The thought of the unattended car entered like Niagara Falls. Blame me for what? I had no time to check it out. Yes, retrieving my lifelong savings was seductive. But what if the car was stolen? OK. OK. You think if I reported it right on the nose, they would deliver the car to the home? Was I stupid not to believe a handwritten...
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Susan Boyle In Violent Outburst Demolishes Scotland
In scenes straight out of the Marvel's Avengers Assemble, Susan Boyle in a fit of rage destroyed the nation of Scotland over the weekend, but luckily there were no fatalities. Following months of gruelling work, SuBo as she is known to her fans had b...
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Angelina Jolie Declares a World Emergency
Angelina Jolie has declared a World Emergency because al-Qaida from Peshawar, Pakistan has used a highly technical form of biological warfare on a village in India in the town of Sadiya, in Assam state. At a news conference Jolie tells the media...
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Mars Rover Photographs Own Shadow, Annoys Groundhogs
On a recent Sunday some groundhogs were having a nice day -- they had just watched the movie Groundhog Day for the umpteenth time -- until they happened to spot a headline on Google News: "NASA Mars rover takes photo of own shadow." They clicked o...
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John Fogerty of Creedence Clearwater Revival To Host The New Reality Show "The Cajun Crawfish Catching Wars"
BAYOU CANE, Louisiana - The Epitome Network has just announced their latest reality show which will star John Fogerty as the host. EN spokesperson Parnelli Mullinfickle stated that the show called The Cajun Crawfish Catching Wars will be shot sout...
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Defacelika virus escaped NSA lab
LANGLEY VA - Defacelika virus was produced in an NSA laboratory to eek out intelligence by digesting the minds of "Joe Blow", Facebook customer, according to our source, an NSA agent with big lips, Dr. Brunnos Echeeks, from Eastern Europe. When Dr...
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After Green Lantern's Lead Other Super Heroes Coming out of the Closet
After the Super Hero The Green Lantern came out of the closet with his lips puckered and lantern a blazing, other super heroes came out including the likes of Batman and Robin, The Hulk, Wonder Woman and Deputy Dog. The reaction to the news wa...
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Romney Names Running Mate
Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has named his vice presidential running mate via a twitter from his twitter account. The former Massachusetts governor has named Charlie Sheen as the next likely VP. "It was an obvious choice" said...
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Cannibals outraged at media's coverage of zombie attack
MIAMI, Fl. - Cannibals from all over the United States and the world have registered their complaints that the media coverage following an attack in Miami is unfairly depicting cannibalism as an act committed on a living person. A cannibal is defi...
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