Reg Bond Reveals Why He Turned Down The Holly Willoughby And Tulisa Jobs
Aspiring Burnley chip shop owner and former bodyguard to the stars, Reg Bond, today revealed exclusively to SEN the reasons why he turned down bodyguard jobs with This Morning's Holly Willoughby and Tulisa out of X-Factor and N-Dubz. Speaking from...
Read full storyBurnley's Own Reg Bond Reveals That Whitney Houston Was His Inspiration
Burnley - Former bodyguard to the stars, and now an aspiring fish and chip shop proprietor, Reg Bond, today exclusively revealed to SEN International that his long serving career as a minder to the stars was actually inspired by US diva and soul sing...
Read full storyReg Bond Reveals How He Told A Tearful Posh Spice That David Beckham Was Probably Her Best Option
Yates's Wine Lodge - Burnley - Today, holding court in Yates's Wine Lodge in Burnley town centre, former bodyguard to the stars and currently aspiring fish and chip shop proprietor, Reg Bond revealed how the David/Victoria Beckham romance could have...
Read full storyBook Review: Fifty Shades of Shit!
I had the misfortune of being assigned by my book club to read E.L. James' "Fifty Shades of Grey", the British authors book originally penned as "Twighlight" fanfiction, then re-written, with original characters, making it a standalone piece. It is the first in a trilogy and, I know, I am late to the ball game here as it has been reviewed, praised and written about a thousand times, but not yet,...
Read full storyDyson introduce Safe Water
For several million years water has been the most dangerous thing on the planet to humans. Its danger to humans has been in existence far longer than fire, building collapse or turning up to a party in the same dress as that woman from thirty-five wh...
Read full storyKen Barlow Declared Immortal
The Dalai Lama today declared Ken Barlow BA (Hons) an immortal being during a guided tour of Granada studios in Manchester. Ken was given the good news whilst filming a particularly difficult scene in The Rovers Return Inn in which he had to ask f...
Read full storyNo Entry for Wollenda
Nik Wollenda, world renown tightrope walker, after his spectacular 25 minute, 1800 foot walk on wire above Niagara Falls was denied access by Canadian Border Patrol agents because there are no laws on the books for entering Canada on a rope. Agent...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Says That Lindsay Lohan Needs To Get Into Rehab Soon Before She Totally Implodes!
NEW YORK CITY - Joan Rivers traveled back to her beloved New York City to spend some time with some old friends and to visit her $50 million. The undisputed "Queen of Mean" talked with Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue and said...
Read full storyNottingham Forest boy: "I made it all up!"
Nottingham - A feral 'Forest' boy who turned up at The Kop claiming he'd spent five wild years foraging for a living at the City Ground has been outed as a fraud. A news conference this morning saw police, social services and football groundsmen i...
Read full storyAnother Imaginary Man To Depart Imaginary Kingdom?
Another imaginary man has expressed concerns about the imaginary kingdom in which he has been domiciled, writes Fantasy World correspondent, Alexander Selkirk. It will be remembered that I have reported on these kinds of matters before. I spoke to this latest imaginary man yesterday, in an exclusive imaginary interview for our imaginary audience. It was surprisingly easy to gain entry to the im...
Read full storyAnorexic Patients to Be Force Fed…To Crocodiles
Exasperated doctors are getting tough on anorexic patients in New South Wales. Physicians at Cairns General Hospital have come up with a new way of dealing with anorexic patients who refuse to eat; they themselves will become food in a new tough l...
Read full storyWest Ham in Kiev
Only West Ham fans would have realised that the England team in Kiev which beat Sweden 3-2, was, in fact, West Ham playing! Claims from England Manager, Roy Hodgson that he was only adopting West Ham tactics, which ultimately proved successful ar...
Read full storySalvador Dali Horse To Fetch £400,000
A bronze horse sculpted by Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali is expected to go for £400,000 at auction next week. Featuring in a sale of Impressionist and Modern Art Le cheval à la montre molle - 'The horse with the melted watch' - dates from 1980...
Read full storyRajon Rondo: Siren or Medusa of the Boston Celtics
Wyc Grousbeck, primary owner of the Boston Celtics and occasional shaker/mover, indicated that the Celtics see Rondo as the alluring piece of the team puzzle. The Boston Celtics want another championship banner soon, and they see Rondo as the sedu...
Read full storyTopsy-Turvy Summer Weather - Mind Over Matter says Horley Woman
Horley resident Anna Lee Retentive claims that the weather can be influenced by the power of thought. For example Anna claims that not once has she been caught in any of the recent downpours. "Take this week for instance" says Anna who works as c...
Read full storyDorking couple arrested after miscommunication
Dorking couple, Doris and Harold Heinz have been arrested after a series of public indecency offences left them in hot water. "It all started when our new neighbours moved in," said Doris Heinz, 57, who has been bailed, pending trial. "We thought...
Read full storyWhite phones are like a shark lure, according to new research
Mobile phones used to come in black. Then a few daring companies produced ruby red, navy blue and British Racing green phones. These phones will still dark. Then came the iPhone, and it dared to be different. It was available in WHITE. Not just...
Read full storyThe New Samsung Galaxy S3 is an iPhone beater, but...
The UK's fastest selling phone since the iPhone has been widely accepted as being superior in every respect to even the coveted iPhone 4, with Siri turned off. However, adopters of the phone have noticed that there is one thing it doesn't do, that ev...
Read full storySweden 2 - 3 England "Go Home To Your Ugly Wives!"
A crazy night and a "Go Home To Your Ugly Wives!" game dragging the emotions of England from delight to despair and then finally to "Go Home To Your Ugly Wives!" with a winning goal! Throughout the match the Swedish fans had been mocking of the E...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Admits That She Did In Fact Get A Tramp Stamp Tattoo With Russell Brand's Initials
SAN FRANCISCO - Kate Gosselin and boyfriend Russell Brand traveled to San Francisco to see The Golden Gate Bridge, which Kate said she had been wanting to see ever since she was 26-years-old. The 37-year-old mother of eight, including sextuplets a...
Read full storyEngland Now Favourites For Just About Everything Following 3-2 Victory Over Sweden
On the back of an unfancied England team's 3-2 victory over Sweden in Kiev last night, with goals from Andy Carroll, Theo Walcott and Danny Welbeck, UK bookies Gladbooks have made England the favourites to win just about everything - from the Greek e...
Read full storyLady Gaga Extremely Depressed That Her New Reality Show "Okay, So What Does My Dress Smell Like" Has Been Cancelled
LOS ANGELES - Lady Gaga and her hair stylist FuFi Fondue had just finished having dinner at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse when she was approached by Tahiti Zeppelin, a reporter with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres. Miss Zeppelin asked the sing...
Read full storyElite Times Coming
Election Update Our money is working in America. The serfs are responding to our propaganda, actually believing that they voted for someone who "loves to fire people" at a time when almost all of them are underemployed, unemployed, or starving. Soft-kill pogrom Aspartame continues to blind, kill, and fatten the stupidest of the serfs while radiation from our Fukushima operation is working wond...
Read full storyRonald Reagan Rises to Support Zombie Rights
With the world on the verge of a zombie apocalypse, a sane voice has risen from the grave for the support of zombies throughout the world. Ronald Reagan (February 6, 1911-June 5, 2004) rose from his tomb and assumed the mantle of Commander-in-Death f...
Read full story"You Wouldn't Want To Be Stuck In A Lift With Bodybuilder Jodie Marsh!" Says Verity Warbling-Trollblog
Following recent revelations that former lads mag favourite and reality TV star turned bodybuilder, Jodie Marsh - survives on a diet consisting almost exclusively of eggs and protein shakes, SEN's Verity Warbling-Trollblog has revealed that she would...
Read full storyReg Bond Reveals Why He Quit As Lady Gaga's Bodyguard And Went Home To Burnley
Although his name is nowhere near as high profile as the stars he has been contracted to protect, Burnley based bodyguard, Reg Bond has finally turned his back on the high life, and returned to the Lancashire mill town with a view to opening a fish a...
Read full storyBanker Arrives With Foreclosure Notice Just in Time to Stop Double Suicide.
Hope, Texas - Julie and Barney Thompson were about to end it all. Thirty-seven years of backbreaking work, raising four children and volunteering for everything - from helping the search for lost kids to endless spaghetti dinner fundraisers for sick friends and neighbors to burying their parents out back - all down the drain. Time had caught up with them and was about to run them over. His Dad...
Read full storyWill Obama replace Joe Biden as VP?
In an election year fraught with tension and frustration, the Democratic Party and President Obama have a very serious question to answer for the 2012 election year, "Does the President replace Vice President Joe Biden and if so, with whom?" The O...
Read full storyObama Holding Gay Pride Drag Party At The White House
President Barack Obama will host a reception at the White House to observe Gay Pride Month on Friday. Obama's recent declaration of support for gay marriage was celebrated as a key endorsement among gay rights groups. In a proclamation earlier thi...
Read full storyUS Animal Rights Organizations Membership in Decline
Washington DC: The US Department of Labor announced that the number of animal rights activists residing in the 48 contiguous states has steadily declined by 50% between 2009 and 2012. The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) launched a probe int...
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