Ronald Reagan Rises to Support Zombie Rights

Funny story written by Heeke

Saturday, 16 June 2012

image for Ronald Reagan Rises to Support Zombie Rights
Zombie President Reagan

With the world on the verge of a zombie apocalypse, a sane voice has risen from the grave for the support of zombies throughout the world. Ronald Reagan (February 6, 1911-June 5, 2004) rose from his tomb and assumed the mantle of Commander-in-Death for all zombie nations.

World governments, at first, fought the idea of a nation of zombies because they feared that the living would become nothing more than an evening's meal to the zombies. Zombie President Reagan, during a phone call to his crypt, eloquently stated that the living and the dead can live in peace and harmony as long as the zombie populace is given a country of their own and a steady diet of Democratic politicians and tyrannical Socialist dictators.

In accordance with an agreement brokered between the nations and the zombies, the country of Afghanistan will be given over to the zombie population and any living people left there after the transition will be considered food for the zombies and will be eaten accordingly. Muslim terror groups have sworn never to leave their native lands and have vowed a jihad on all zombies and anyone who supports the zombie nation. In an effort to gain new recruits for this jihad, terrorists have been searching for the corpse of Osama Bin Laden, but have had little effort as any remains of him have already been eaten by predatory fish in the ocean.

Zombies throughout the world are being escorted to specially rigged deportation facilities to ensure a safe transport of zombies to Afghanistan. Zombies will be allowed to roam freely in the lower decks of the ships while the ship's live crew is restricted to the upper decks. Risk of zombie infection on these boats is extremely high so the crew is compensated with high benefits, exaggerated pay and all the alcohol they can consume.

Zombie President Ronald Reagan spoke to all nations and stated that given time, everyone will come to either love the zombie nation or become part of it. President Reagan then added that he had to return to life because he could no longer lie idly by while the world went to Hell in a hand basket. Joining him in his Zombie Cabinet were Theodore Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, Genghis Khan, Amelia Earnhardt, Martin Luther King Jr. and Abraham Lincoln. President Reagan stated that he wanted Sen. Harry Reid and Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, but he will wait until the American citizens figure out that they have been tricked by these two zombies for years and they will be sent to Afghanistan accordingly.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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