White phones are like a shark lure, according to new research

Written by IainB

Saturday, 16 June 2012

image for White phones are like a shark lure, according to new research
WHITE! Visible from over a mile away

Mobile phones used to come in black. Then a few daring companies produced ruby red, navy blue and British Racing green phones. These phones will still dark.

Then came the iPhone, and it dared to be different.

It was available in WHITE. Not just white, but WHITE.

Market analysis from the time of this novel approach to phone colouring showed it to be an astounding success.

"We believe that people wished their friends, colleagues, strangers in the street, to know that they were on an iPhone," said Alan Liszt, a market analyst from Brahms and Liszt, the leaders in market research. "This is why, owners don't mind that every email they send from their phone has the tag line 'Sent from my iPhone, na nana na na' at the bottom."

This new trend in bright white phones brought forth a new breed of street criminal.

"Thieves and muggers have always targeted mobile phones," said Liszt. "They're small, can be sold on easily, or - if they're not locked and tracked using GPS - used for illegal purposes."

Sharks can sense blood from over a mile away, and home in on their victim. Like the sharks of the sea, the sharks of the street can see the white iPhones from over a mile away, and they too hone in on their victim.

"Despite this," said Liszt, "white iPhones still appear to be popular."

And now the other phone giants are jumping on the white bandwagon faster than Nick Griffin. A plethora of white phones are now available.

"This is leading to frustration from muggers, the street sharks," said Liszt. "They are swimming in to steal an iPhone only to discover it's a crappy phone with all the features of a desk stapler. In shark terms, they've swum in from over a mile away only to discover their acute senses have found somebody having a nose bleed over the side of a boat."

"It's not fair," said Darren McHoney, a phone thief from Manchester. "I'll trek up and down Deansgate, or round the Locks all night, and maybe find one iPhone. It's just not worth the effort to take these other white phones. They're normally pay as you go with a quid left on them, or worth about a fiver. You can get ninety quid for an iPhone, now that's worth pegging it down the street away from the victim."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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