U.S. Senatorial Candiddate Todd Akin Registers for Community College Bio Class
St. Louis, MO - Today, the St. Louis Community College's Registration Office had quite the visitor from the campaign trail. No, not either of the candidates for President, but Senatorial candidate, Todd Akin. Akin was quick to point out that he was...
Read full storyStrauss Quits Cricket for Hair Studio Job
England captain Andrew Strauss today retired from all forms of professional cricket to take up a new role, replacing Shane Warne as the face of Advanced Hair Studio, the leading hair-loss specialists. At his press conference this lunchtime, Strau...
Read full storyThe Olympic closing ceremony that nearly was
In a potential embarrassment for Olympic organisers, a leaked LOGOC document has revealed showpiece items which were considered- but rejected- for the London 2012 Olympics Games closing ceremony. A spokesman for LOGOC has expressed great concern o...
Read full story2012 GOP Platform Bold And Brassy
Announced Tuesday, August 28, the current GOP platform strides boldly toward a new vision of progress, plus addresses the nation's essential problems. Foremost principles: - Marriage will be defined as one man and one woman, preferably white, Republican, and combined income above $150, 000 annually. - Abortion will be illegal throughout the land, including "legitimate" rape where insti...
Read full storyDoctor Who to appear on Who Do You Think You Are
Doctor Who, the Time Lord, not Matt Smith, although the two bear an uncanny resemblance at the moment, is to appear on Who Do You Think You Are. "Who Do You Think You Are is a television program about genealogy," said program producer, Jean O'Rour...
Read full storyPrincess Diana Honoured By Posthumous Awards
As the fifteenth anniversary of Princess Diana's death creeps up on us, there is little or no mention of her in even the tabloid press, as the media spotlight seems firmly focussed on whether Stephen Hawking wins gold in the Paralympics high diving e...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Opens Used Jewelry Store
Lindsay Lohan has decided it's time to unload some of the booty she's been hoarding over the last couple of years. She's opening a shop on trendy Melrose Blvd in LA. that will offer high end bobbles and trinkets. It's been widely publicized...
Read full story"Bring Your Pet Dinosaur Day," Louisiana Learning, Exorcism Highlights of Governor Jindal Speech to Republican Convention
Governor Bobby Jindal, architect of the Louisiana education voucher system that replaced public education, will explain to Republican conventioneers today how state funded Bible schools teaching children that the Loch Ness monster and dragons are rea...
Read full storyThe mystery of "The Diggle Triangle"
An area formed between Diggle crossroads, the Junction Inn, Greenfield and the chip shop in Denshaw has recently seen a number of strange disappearances over the last few months - and now concerned people are beginning to talk. Last Tuesday Mavis...
Read full storyThe Para-Lytic Games opens in Glascow
The games officially opened tonight as the torch bearer from the previous host city, Moscow, staggered down the stadium approach road, before raising the torch aloft, and setting fire to the rubbish bin on a nearby bus shelter. He then loudly declare...
Read full storyFC Barcelona sign Brazilian boy without feet!
FC Barcelona have signed a Brazilian boy who plays football without any feet, which is a pretty mean feat. He was scouted playing with other boys with feet and after tying knots in their legs with dazzling dribblings, shooting skills and mesmerizing...
Read full storyGOP planning gala Titanic party for final night of convention!
"Who'd of ever thunk it?," was the banner headline in The New York Times this morning as it reported the leaked plans of the Events Committee of the GOP convention in Tampa. "Unbelievable," says the NYT. "Are they brain dead or did somehow the Obama...
Read full storyKing John Henry Orders Beckett's Head on a Platter!
Around 1202 in merry olde England when politics and challenging the king was dangerous business, the first Becket went the way of sainthood prematurely. In merry olde Boston in 2012, King John Henry VIII of the Boston Red Sox Nation has ordered hi...
Read full storyMunchkins Drop a House on Beckett, Crawford & Gonzalez
The Red Sox GM has been disparaged and disrespected this season nearly as much as David Ortiz. This week, however, the worm turned. And, for that matter so did Ben Cherington. A few cynical fans thought the Red Sox front office were simply a bu...
Read full storyQueen Opens Paralytic Games
The Queen opened the Paralytic Games with a double scotch on the rocks and suggested that Prince Harry should enter in the legless contest. A drinking competition, which has attracted a world famous cast of Hollywood regulars for the Frank Sinatra...
Read full storyCardinal Seán Brady Asks Irish Catholics to Protest Abortion by Avoiding Eggs
Cardinal Seán Brady of Ireland has issued a statement urging Catholics to forgo the consumption of eggs on Fridays in an act of protest against the introduction of abortion in Ireland. According to the Cardinal, the consumed egg - whether boiled,...
Read full storyBwahaha! Diana's ghost is stalking me wails the Queen
London - Someone has told her that Friday's 15th anniversary of Princess Diana's death 'will be a double whammy' in royal RIP terms. And that the day's Full Moon is a portent of HM's own demise. "Bloody stuff and nonsense if you ask me," Prince...
Read full storyRon & Fred on New Technology - and Milk (Part Three)
"Fing was Fred, before they could pull the plug on the milkmen they ad t' wait until everyone got a fridge. There was still too many people wivout a fridge in the sixties yer see, but not by the time we entered the seventies." "I'm glad they came 'ere though Ron, 'cause if it adn't been for them comin' 'ere I don't s'pose the likes ov me would av ever got t' taste a curry. Or yams, nice they ar...
Read full storyRon & Fred on New Technology - and Milk (Part Two)
"You're right Ron, they just throws yer a few peanuts whereas in the old days a person would be sellin' 'em outside the dog tracks makin' a decent livin' oudavit." "And avin some self respect Fred. Kids at school t'day aint taught no proper trades, just 'ow t' tap-tap-tap on a computer keyboard. The old milkman felt 'e was doin' somfing wiv a purpose, providin' a useful service to 'is community...
Read full storyRon & Fred on New Technology - and Milk (Part One)
"Art'noon Fred. That vein's playin' up in me leg again it is. Gettin' older mate." "Join the club, Ron. Got a pint in for yer there." "Cheers. Fallin' t' bits I am. Must sit dahn n rest me leg.......ah, that's better." "My boy's lost 'is job. Thirty years bin there. Just tells 'im from outa the blue yes'dee." "They don't care nowadays Fred. Expect nuffink from 'em." "Bloody big mansi...
Read full storyObama makes drastic comment
White House and Democratic high ranking officials were astounded recently when the president was overheard talking with a group of visitors on a White House tour. Obama was heard saying: "I don't care if they are black or white, democrat or republ...
Read full storyPope JP2's descendants panic at theft of blood sample
Civitavecchia, Italy - A vile [sic] sample of the late Pontiff's O-Negative has been nicked in a backpack incident at an Italian seaside town. The theft has sent shockwaves among Karol Wojtyla's bastard children whose existence has been whitewashe...
Read full storyDutch police confuse female student living space with squat
The police in Holland have accidentally cleared out the student house instead of the squat next door. The cause of the confusion was the 'alternative look' and second hand clothing. The front door was forced open with a ram and a small protest wa...
Read full storyEssex Lion terrorises the Pendle Ikea
The Lion that was originally spotted in Essex has made its way up the country to the Lancashire town of Pendle just in time for the Annual Coven Festival, which takes place every weekend in the town. "We couldn't believe it," said Peter Bottomthwa...
Read full storyScouts launch the Bear Grylls Enterprise Badge
With the news that Bear Grylls is using his position as head scout to make as much money as he can for himself before he is stripped of the title, the Scout movement have decided that this is actually a good enterprise for the Scouts to get involved...
Read full storyAndrew Strauss Steps Down - Graeme Smith 'Devastated.'
South African cricket captain Graeme Smith is said to be "devastated" following the news that Andrew Strauss is to retire from professional cricket. Strauss was expected to announce his resignation today after a winter and summer during which his...
Read full storyInternational Superstars Line Up For Stricken Pompey!
Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Carlos Tevez, Juan Mata... a team line-up to die for? Well it seems fans of stricken Portsmouth, will soon be on life support as some of the greatest names in the game sign up to help the club out of its difficulti...
Read full storyItsy-Bitsy Teeny Weenie Prince Harry's Swim Suit
Not every Tom, Dick, and Harry can be as forthcoming as a little prince. Unless you happen to be Harry, scion of Lady Di and now a potential Chippendale model. If you are wild about Harry, he is still wilder than you. When Rick came to Casablan...
Read full storyBut Not for Wes Welker of the Patriots
T.S. Eliot claimed that April was the cruelest month, but for Wes Welker it is more like August. Payday has come for sundry teammates, but not for him. They are writing checks of love for Aaron Hernandez, but not for Wes Welker. You can guarant...
Read full storyHoward Stern Criticizes Jay Leno
NEW YORK CITY - The non-shy Howard Stern, one of the judges on America's Got Talent has done it again. Stern, who loves insulting people, just took some shots at Tonight Show host Jay Leno. Howard "The Mouth" as Speaker of The House John Boehne...
Read full storySwansea appeal to UEFA about Champions League ban
Premier League front-runners Swansea today admitted they are planning an appeal should they banned from playing in the Champions League next season. A spokesman for UEFA confirmed it would be a problem for Swansea to represent England in the Champ...
Read full storyEngland coach Roy Hodgson to employ Harry Redknapp as translator
Roy Hodgson shocked the world of football today by announcing the appointment of wide boy Harry Redknapp as translator. The appointment fuels speculation that the England squad failed to understand a word that Hodgson said. The Croydon born boss,...
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