Munchkins Drop a House on Beckett, Crawford & Gonzalez

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

The Red Sox GM has been disparaged and disrespected this season nearly as much as David Ortiz.

This week, however, the worm turned. And, for that matter so did Ben Cherington.

A few cynical fans thought the Red Sox front office were simply a bunch of night-crawlers, ready to be put out on a hook next spring training while looking at Marlins in the Tampa Bay.

Instead, Cherington came charging out of the closet like RuPaul on steroids. The shockwave was so strong it practically knocked over Larry Lucchino who was barring the door.

The most monumental trade in Red Sox history will show a tendency to be a game changer every game for a few decades to come. Last time a big trade altered the Red Sox, Babe Ruth made sure that a world championship would not again come to Boston for 86 years.

By trading Josh Beckett, Carl Crawford, and Adrian Gonzalez for a thimbleful of pixie dust, Cherington altered the landscape, wiped the slate clean, and cleaned the clock all at once. We hope championships will not be as scarce as the Curse of Babe.

After this triumph, no one can blame Cherington for breaking into song and dance like he was Neil Patrick Harris doing a Christmas special for Kumar and Harold.

Once thought to be Larry Lucchino's doormat and Bobby Valentine's doorknocker, Ben Cherington with his trade of trades turns Theo Epstein into Marley's Ghost.

Saving a quarter of a billion dollars on the Sox budget, Ben has given the Sox ownership enough cash to add a new pavilion to Fenway Park's food mart.

Ben has also sent the Walking Dead to Southern California where AMC can use the stiffs in the cable TV series.

Ben's trade has put rose-colored glasses on Sox fans everywhere. Even Bobby Valentine is starting to look good.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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