King John Henry Orders Beckett's Head on a Platter!

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Around 1202 in merry olde England when politics and challenging the king was dangerous business, the first Becket went the way of sainthood prematurely.

In merry olde Boston in 2012, King John Henry VIII of the Boston Red Sox Nation has ordered his minions to take the head of Josh Beckett and stick it on a pole on Yawkey Way.

Of course, in civilized Boston where stocks were removed from Fenway a couple of hundred years ago, the head of Josh Beckett on a silver platter is not an option.

Instead Henry ordered (like his predecessor Henry II) for some loyal aide to rid him of the pesky preacher of beer and chicken dogma.

And, Sir Ben Cherington stepped to the plate with his axe.

Unfortunately, those nearby also found the axe too close for comfort. The original Becket was taken by four men with big swords. Josh Beckett was sent away as one of four men, taken in a private jet to the Other Coast where sainthood awaited. Well, perhaps knighthood.

Greeted in LA by the Merlin of sports, Magic Johnson, the former Red Sox hurler found that he was being honored about as much as a sacrifice at Stonehenge by the laid-back savages of Mannywood.

Exiled by King John Henry, Beckett will not again cross the Charles River to take arm against the Sox at Fenway.

Whether historically accurate or not, both Kings, Henry of England and Henry of Fenway, achieved their goal: they were rid of the biggest headache in the realm.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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