Quantum Physics used to explain American Economy
Top government economists, borrowing from the field of quantum physics, have formulated a solution that is currently being implemented by Barack Obama to solve America's economic woes. Government economists suggest that our current crisis is being...
Read full storyObama to use Carpenters to Fix Nation's Bridges
DETRIOT - Obama gave the American public a rousing speech on Monday revolving around the issue of unemployment, claiming that America has "numerous roads and bridges that need rebuilding and over a million unemployed construction workers to rebuild t...
Read full storyKing George VI & Queen Elizabeth signed Coronation contract promising to produce a male heir
London - The Queen's going absolutely bonkers at the release of state papers she thought she'd torched circa the Suez Crisis of '57. "The plebs were never meant to know, Ma'am," bringer of ill tidings Lord Luce-Cannon whispered apologetically at t...
Read full storySpoof Writer Survives Near Death Experience from Herd of Moose During Alaskan Adventure!
A Spoof Writer for this site, who can not be named as he is an American Citizen, survived a frightening encounter with a rampaging herd of Moose while on assignment for National Geographic in Alaska and lived to tell about it! According to the wr...
Read full storyIt's nana-nana boo-hoo time: Japan about the only loser superpower to not have had dealings with Gaddafi
GENEVA, Switzerland--Now that ousted dictator Muammar Gaddafi is no longer able to set as policy the hating of Christians, Jews, the English-speaking world and Berbers, connections to Libya from all over the planet are creeping out of the woodwork.
Read full storyShylock Humes And The Case Of The Narwhal's Tusk Scrimshaw, Part Six
My friend Shylock Humes sat by the fire, subjecting the cardboard box Inspector Arbuthnot Williams had brought, to the most intimate and discerning scrutinies possible to man. I say man. I could not speak for woman, apart from our housekeeper, Mrs Dudson, whose scrutinies were generally limited to questions of domestic order, and were far from intimate or discerning. I say order. What I should per...
Read full storySnatch Clapping Outlawed In Grimsby
The tradition of Snatch Clapping has been totally outlawed in Grimsby town centre. This ancient fertility ritual was introduce to the British Isles 1200 years ago by marauding Vikings. The first recorded incidence of Snatch Clapping was recorded in 9...
Read full storyGreen Day singer kicked off plane for wearing his jeans around his knees; what a bummer!
Green Day, US punk band, had their singer kicked off of a US plane for having his trousers dangling around his knees like most kids today. The singer, Bille Joe Armstrong, was escorted off of the plane, but did manage to trip over several times es...
Read full storyMichele Bachmann Is Starting To Have Second Thoughts About Running For President
CIMARRON, Kansas - Michele Bachmann's Hairspray Over America Bus Tour brought her to Cimarron, Kansas, home of the largest Wheat Penny Museum in the entire world. She quipped to the 13 people in the audience that if one really gave out a penny for...
Read full storyPresident Icarus Flies into NJ Shutting Down all Air Corridors; Chaos Results in Windfall for Pittsburg!
Thousands of Muslims and Bangladeshi democrat constituents in Paterson, turned out to welcome President Obama as he flew in to the lightly affected region of Paterson, NJ, in the wake of hurricane Irene promising aid, jobs, and extended unemployment...
Read full storyNon-Celebrities Set To Disappear Within A Decade
According to a report released today, the world's supply of non-celebrities will be exhausted within the next ten years unless drastic action is taken now. The report, written by the Media Studies department of a respected London college, claims that...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent Finalist Lys Agnes Says Charlie Sheen Keeps Inviting Her To Attend A Los Angeles Dodgers Game With Him
HOLLYWOOD - One of the sexiest looking singers to ever grace the America's Got Talent stage Lys Agnes has informed the shows host Nick "The Pencil" Cannon about a rather uncomfortable situation. The El Lay Informer's Pia Confetti verified that the...
Read full storyNick Clegg's Freak Schools 'Open To Everybody'
London - A program allowing parents, special interest groups, charities etc to open their own training grounds for wackjob offspring should not discriminate against 'normal' minorities a Glib Dem report has said. The controversial 'freak school' s...
Read full storyTony Blair father of Rupert Murdoch's child
In a shock statement released today, it was revealed that former British Prime Minister Tony Blair is the real father of Rupert Murdoch's youngest child after taking part in an immaculate conception ceremony in the Holy land with the Australian Oliga...
Read full storyBrett Favre wishes he didn't burn so many bridges
Kiln, Miss--Brett Favre is sitting at home, and it feels too strange to him because normally this time of year he is getting ready to play football in the NFL. "I would love to get a job, but I can't get anyone to give me a good reference. I gues...
Read full storyInvolved Parents Leads To Devolved Children
Paul Stephens from the Australian Education Union has put adamant amounts of research into parental influence on children and from this, states 'It is impossible for a school student to pass the HSC with parental influence and it should be banned.'...
Read full storyA Welshman's Guide to Welsh #1
Thinking of travelling to the country of the Rising Sun? Got the Land of Lakes on your mind? Why not scrap these holiday ideas and throw them in the dumpster, and instead take a short commute down the M4 down to Wales: Current Population 50,000 miners; 20,000 choirs and about 4.5 million sheep. Wales has plenty to offer the average tourist. If you like sitting in a caravan watching televisio...
Read full storyPlaces with more offies than school-places in shock link to underage drinking
Post-codes where there are vastly more off-licence premises than there are available school places have been linked to the number of underage drinkers admitted to hospital for alcohol-related problems, a study suggests. The research for campaign...
Read full storyVague Numbering System to be taught in high school maths
In a move that indicates that mathematics is keeping up with the modern world, the Vague Numbering system is to be taught in maths at high schools across Britain. "Basically," said Juan Tuthre, head of Modern Maths at Oxford's Queen College, "Vagu...
Read full storyWayne Rooney reveals where they took the hair follicles from
Manchester United striker, Wayne Rooney, has finally come clean and admitted where they took the follicles from to implant in his head. For a hair implant like Rooney's the surgeons take hair from elsewhere on the body, and insert it into the scal...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera and Lindsay Lohan Allegedly Doing The Sis Boom Bahhh Behind Closed Doors
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan keeps insisting that she has seen the light and that she really and truly wants to get her butt out of the fast lane and take things a little easier. Lilo added that she has to make an effort to stay away from some of...
Read full storyHeather Locklear's "Non-Marriage" Is Already On The Rocks!
HOLLYWOOD - Heather Locklear and her fiancé Jack Wagner's engagement is reportedly already on the rocks. According to Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors, the couple is having problems over the fact that Heather wants to vacation down in Cabo San Lucas, M...
Read full storyNorth Korean Leader Changes Name to Darth Jong-il
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has changed his name to Darth Jong-il, claiming that his original name does not inspire fear or respect in the western world. "While Kim is a respected family name in Korea, our esteemed leader is very aware that i...
Read full storyMan Utd Manager Ferguson "Going Nowhere" Says Gary Neville
Gary Neville, the former Manchester United and England full-back who quit the club in tears in the summer, has openly criticised Reds boss Sir Alex Ferguson in the media, saying under the Scot, United are "going nowhere" Neville, who played for Un...
Read full storyBack home: Strauss-Kahn arrives in French Capital, Two Stewardess, A Pilot, and One Nun Acuse Him of Copping A Feel
In Paris, the much maligned Strauss-Kahn arrived to a cheering and jeering crowd of people. But before he could even step off the plane, word came that Air France would be launching an investigation of Mr Dominique Strauss-Kahn's behavior during the...
Read full storyHurricane Irene Victim Spells out "SOS" on Roof of KFC Franchise using Cockroaches
Baltimore, MA - An employee trapped in a KFC outlet flooded by hurricane Irene managed to alert officials by spelling out "SOS" on the roof of the building using drowned cockroaches. The employee, Ramone Concha, was rescued still wearing his work apr...
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