Quantum Physics used to explain American Economy

Funny story written by Nash D. Plott

Monday, 5 September 2011

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Top government economists, borrowing from the field of quantum physics, have formulated a solution that is currently being implemented by Barack Obama to solve America's economic woes.

Government economists suggest that our current crisis is being fueled by misinformation. Speaking to a journalist from Economics Today, Dr. Philip Halfborne of the Federal Economic Research Institute had the following to say. "When we studied quantum physics we were fascinated by the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. We concluded that it is possible to know where the economy is at the moment without knowing where it is going, or we can know where the economy is going but not where it currently is. You can't know both at the same time, and that's the problem with the analyses that you hear on the television. When anybody tells you that this administration's economy is bad and getting worse, by definition such individuals do not know what they are talking about"

Asked whether this was a thinly veiled attempt to deny the poor state of the American economy, Halfborne denied the accusation. "This is not politically motivated - it's just science. For example, right now the economy is in a classic Schroedinger's cat scenario. It has both recovered and crashed, and both latent realities are currently superimposed. When we open the ballot box in 2012 we will find out retrospectively whether at this actual point in time the economy was alive or dead".

Asked about the practical ramifications of this analysis upon his personal financial decision making, Halfborne was open about the issue. "I let my wife do it," he said. "At this moment I have either shorted the dollar to buy gold, or I have shorted gold to buy dollars," he says. "The two possibilities are in quantum superposition, and neither state will become real until I look".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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