Deranged Warcraft Character Forces Bank to Deposit Severed Orc Head
Topeka, Kansas - A young man obsessed with the game World of Warcraft was arrested for forcing a branch of the Wachovia bank to deposit a partially decomposed severed head from a creature that the man insisted was an orc. The 4"11 overweight man i...
Read full storyDaily Mail Columnists To Climb World's Highest Horse
In the wake of the riots that swept through Britain's cities, Daily Mail columnists, Richard Littlejohn and Jan Moir, are to attempt to break the record for high horse ascending. "As I watched the violence unfold on my paid-for television," Moir,...
Read full storyPenis Biometrics Installed In Vatican City
A New era in Vatican security has been realized today. The introduction of Genital Biometrics to Vatican City, brings with it much hope for the rehabilitation of Holy Mother Church's reputation. This high tech solution to an age old problem is the cu...
Read full storyUnemployed people among those who get a day off on Labor Day
HARFOLD, Vermont--The Center for Labor Statistics, a local think tank of three guys with high school degrees, sat down at Ms. Harfold Diner on all-the-fish-you-can-eat Friday for a discussion of the current unemployment rate as Labor Day roles around...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Not Naked in Public This Week
After all the excitement Lindsay Lohan use to provide the voyeurs of the world she totally shocked the entertainment industry by laying low and not creating any controversy for an entire month. Lindsay has become known for doing crazy publicity st...
Read full storyHubble Telescope Finds New Use
The Hubble Space Telescope will soon be searching for heavenly bodies of a different kind as it begins its new mission: filming live X-rated images that will be broadcast on a new adult TV station. The giant telescope will be repositioned to face...
Read full storyOzzie Osbourne Bites Head off Live Walrus
CHICAGO - Rock singer Ozzie Ozbourne decided to trump his own former accomplishments in animal abuse by appearing on stage naked and proceeding to bite the head off a live walrus. The act took four hours, witnessed by a mixture of cheering fans, outr...
Read full storyGay Dog Runs Amok On Worthing Seafront
Residents of Worthing were left in a state of shock and awe today, after a gay dog ran amok on Worthing seafront, trying to pump up any dog unfortunate enough to cross its path. Witnesses described the dog as 'a big brindle type thing with short stub...
Read full storyImogen Thomas goes topless, but a certain Welsh wizard has seen it all before!
Imogen Thomas best known for her naughty romps with a certain Welsh Wizard and something called Big Brother (the bigger the better) has bared everything in a swimming pool and once they were let loose, they nearly caused a tsunami. She was photo-s...
Read full storyWake up, America. It's all just a bad dream.
New York City - The nation is sleeping through the wrong American Dream, and needs only to wake up to avoid the nightmarish problems it is facing. "If you don't think you're dreaming, examine the evidence that proves otherwise," said Kilgore Trout...
Read full storyNHS is bad for your health, say MPs
Politicians have drawn up drastic plans to reform Britain's National Health Service, after it was revealed that the majority of people in NHS hospitals are sick or dying. MP Herbert Fluffer called it "shocking" and "a disgrace" that the NHS contai...
Read full storyBillions spent on 'Camilla shagged Gaddafi' cover-up
London - Their 1969 nuptials in a HMP Broadmoor converted composting lav has cost the nation more than the entire Royal Protection Racket budget since the Silver Jubilee. This weekend spooks are said to be doing their nut amid reports someone's ab...
Read full storyGaddafi to be announced as UN "Goodwill" Ambassador!
Colonel Gaddafi has been offered an escape route via the UN. He is to be announced as their VIP, Goodwill Ambassador and will start his new role as soon as they can find him. This is a shock announcement, but the UN largely run by the US (?), feel...
Read full storySarah Palin and Michelle Bachman to Stage Catfightl! PICA Up in Arms! Kim Kardashian to Referee
Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman camps have agreed to terms for an old fashioned Catfight, to settle recent disharmony. "I know in Alaska we'd just duke it out and get it over with," said Sarah, "Its what having freedom and democracy is all about.
Read full storyNetwork Executives Cancel Jada Pinkett-Smith and Marc Anthony's Show 'HawthoRNe' Saying There Was Just Too Much Outside Drama
LOS ANGELES - Well as if things weren't all ready bad enough for The Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith & Marc Anthony Traveling Sideshow and Carnival now comes word from the big Tinsel Town castle in the sky that the Pinkett-Smith/Anthony TNT s...
Read full storyMichele Bachmann Says That Chaz Bono Should Not Be Allowed To Appear On 'Dancing With The Stars'
WAHOO, Nebraska - Michele Bachmann had just finished talking to a group of about 29 people at the Happy-Go-Lucky Corncob Trailer Park in the Nebraska town of Wahoo, when she was approached by a reporter for The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette. Coqu...
Read full storyMan with Disposable Lighter Tries to Blow Up Airplane with Farts
A man with a cigarette lighter tried unsuccessfully to ignite his own gas aboard a Delta flight yesterday. He was wrestled to the ground by passengers and members of the crew, inches away from the cockpit door. Witnesses say the suspect had his pan...
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