Supermarkets to start selling Whale Milk
Two of the big four High Street supermarket chains Asco and Tesda are to start selling the highly controversial Whale Milk. The other three of the big two, Sainssons and Morribury's are watching sales of Whale Milk with interest. PETAL, the People...
Read full storyMagic FM DJ Dr Fox apologises for wrongdoing
In a statement outside 10 Downing Street, Magic FM DJ and coalition Defence secretary Doctor Neil "Foxy" Fox said: "I want to apologise. I should not have allowed personal loyalty to a friend interfere with my duties as a Minister. I have spoken a...
Read full storyLocal Man Wears Dinner On His Head - Pork Pie Hat F**ked Into Oblivion
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, was left literally reeling today, after a book signing for the phenomenally best selling 'The Dorking Review' went horrendously awry. Arriving home after a lengthy session in the pub, Shuttlecock sat down in front of...
Read full story'Electric Bench' to be used in Texan Prisons
Texas Prison Chiefs today unveiled the electric-bench at a local state penitentiary after three years of research and development. The bench has been labeled "a fantastic breakthrough in the battle against rising prison numbers." The bench will al...
Read full storyTories To Instil 'Blitz Spirit' By Bombing London
Following David Cameron's passionate pleas at the Tory Conference, party leaders have come up with a way to instil 'can-do optimism' and 'bulldog spirit' into the British people: by re-enacting the Blitz. In order to achieve the Government's targe...
Read full storySir Paul marries his third, hopefully it's not just a "Day in the life"!
Ex-Beatle and devoted "veggie burger" (is he still?) Sir Paul McCartney has just married his third wife after a wild, rather nasty affair with his second and super marriage with Linda, who unfortunately died and left Sir Paul sadly alone despite all...
Read full storyUS Senators distance themselves from Liam Fox's disgraced think tank
Washington DC - American politicians once connected to the now defunct Atlantic Bridge stink tank founded by embattled UK Defence Secretary Liam Fox are having none of it. Senators Jon Kyle, Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman have formally distanced...
Read full storyiLegacy of Steve Jobs iLittle iKnown iInventions
Steve Jobs was an amazing inventor of computer and digital technology, which has transformed the way we create, communicate and live our lives. However, few people know of the many other inventions that were important in the development of Steve...
Read full storyGangsta Rap Lyrics Assaulted on LA Boulevard
Last night a whole ream of Gangsta Rap lyrics were found beaten up and lying unconscious upon the sidewalk of Wiltshire Boulevard in Los Angeles. Bloodied and bruised, the lyrics were taken by ambulance to Mount Sinai hospital for immediate medical s...
Read full storyPeople with variation of surname 'Peterson' most likely to be murdered, study
HARFOLD, Vt.--Harfold State College released a frightening study this week, frightening at least for those Americans named Peterson or Pederson or Pedersen or some variation thereof. According to the study, Americans with this surname are most lik...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News? There's an app for that
The Isle of Wight News is pleased to announce that the Isle of Wight News App is now available from the Apple Store. The new Isle of Wight News App will keep people on the island completely up to date with all the various comings and goings on the...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Seventeen
A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and poverty, starting in August 1947 Chapter 33 - The Job Assessment I'd spotted a job for an American Delivery Company just starting up in Stapleford, Nottinghamshire, England, for Telephone Advisor's. The money on offer was fenomon... phunomin.. very good. I contacted the number given, and it was arranged for me to g...
Read full storyBra Burning Bonanza Banned By Burnley Council
The Bra Burning Coalition, the militant wing of the Feminism Movement, which is the political arm of Woman's Lib, which is a small book-store in Cambridge, is looking for a new venue for their annual Bra Burning. "We've been burning bras in Burnle...
Read full storyColonel Gadaffi found in Madam Tussauds
Ousted Libyan leader Colonel Gadaffi has finally been located in Blackpool in Madam Tussauds. "We were very surprised to find him there," said Richard Tussaud (no relation, surprisingly), manager of Madam Tussauds Blackpool. "We never twigged for...
Read full storyThe Queen to abdicate and emigrate to Australia
Buckingham Palace has just issued a statement that Her Majesty The Queen intends to abdicate from the royal throne and to emigrate to Australia. Royal Press Secretary Sir James Faversham-Gainsborough-Kizzmeyarrz read the following statement prepared by Her Maj: Philip and I have decided to stand aside and give our son Charles the opportunity to rule the British Empire. We've waited this long in...
Read full storyAmanda Knox Will Pose In PlayGuy Magazine To Help Reduce Her Huge Legal Fees
CHICAGO - Amanda Knox owes around $4 million in legal fees and she has stated her intentions are to pay off the entire amount. She was recently approached by Shania Warbocker, the editor of PlayGuy Magazine about appearing in a nude photo layout w...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus and Taylor Lautner Secretly Rendezvous In Redondo Beach
REDONDO BEACH, California - Taylor Lautner the star of the Twilight series movies is still somewhat sad at his recent breakup with Lily Collins daughter of rock music icon Phil Collins. According to Cahoots Wyoming of Silver Screen Magazine the re...
Read full storyState Department Warns Against Travel in Iowa
Keokuk,Iowa-The State Department has warned American citizens against travelling in Iowa after Amish rebels kidnapped an American tourist there. Bicyclist Howard Johnson was captured over the weekend after straying into rebel territory while bicyc...
Read full storyAmish Rebels up Ante in Quest for Johnson's Release
Amish Rebels in Iowa have issued a statement calling for Illinois to surrender all it's territory west of the Mississippi in exchange for the release of bicyclist Howard Johnson. Fredrick Yoder, speaking through an interpreter called Mr. Johnson a...
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