Her Maj Meets Giantess and Phil Balls It Up!
The seven-feet tall wondergirl towered over our own Queen Elizabeth the Second as the tiny, 'delicate' monarch peered up at this figure, which must surely have appeared to Her Royal Majesty as some sort of giant thundercloud. It was explained to t...
Read full story"We'll Batter The Munichs On Sunday!" Says Bewildered Lady Football Fan
Dorking pensioner, and rabid lady football fan, Eloise Bostik, 82,is so looking forward to Sunday's Manchester derby between United and City at Old Trafford, that she's cancelled Sunday dinner and ordered a bottle of sherry from Freshco's on line hom...
Read full storyDoomsday isn't going to happen too soon
Alameda, CA--Doomsday didn't come, again, and it doesn't look like it is going to come soon enough for a crazy old guy that just really wants to die but without actually having to go through all the hard work of just dying like the rest of citizens o...
Read full storyA Letter From Auntie
Dear me, I can't remember your name, dear, but never mind. It's me, your Auntie. How are you doing? I'm not too bad. The operation went well but I still can't walk straight. I'll send you some photographs once the swelling has gone down a bit. Last week I had a terrible shock at the bingo, I won £10. I had a slap-up dinner of pork scratchings that night, let me tell you. I've nearly sav...
Read full storySarah Palin Denies Sarah Pac paid for breast
Washington--Sarah Palin denied rumors that she used Sarah PAC to pay for her new breast, the new breast she hoped to help her sagging poll numbers. "I didn't use any political contributions to pay for my new breast, if I did indeed get new breast...
Read full storySeriously-ill protester occupies Wall Street lavatory
NEW YORK CITY, NY - Authorities said Daniel H. McQueen, age unknown, has been holed up in a Wall Street water closet for an indeterminate length of time. Mr. McQueen, who had been protesting abuses by Wall Street elites appears to be shifting his foc...
Read full storyNew York Yankees Claim Credit For Gaddafi Hit
New York City - "We may not have won the World Series or even the pennant this year, but we sure as hell took care of that Gaddafi douche bag." So said New York Yankees Manager Joe Girardi in describing how a man in a Yankees cap fired the fatal b...
Read full storyWhite House Confirms Kill Of Iowa Hog Farmer: Claims He Called President a "Dumb F..K"
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE: White House spokesman, Jay Carney, confirmed this morning that a NATO drone based at Offutt Air Base in Omaha, Nebraska, completed its intended mission by gunning down Isadore "Izzy" Grundfield as he entered his hog barn on a fa...
Read full storyBig Max becomes Chief Whip
In a bid to resolve the Jockey's Dispute the British Horse Racing Authority have agreed terms for Max Mousey to become their President. Big Max declared he was all for the whip and people should be allowed to get pleasure from watching horses whip...
Read full storySaving Yankee Doodle
"Men as well as women festooned their hair with plumes and feathers, and tied ribbons to each bouncing curl. Some men took to wearing high-heeled shoes - not clunky platform shoes, but slender, spiky heels up to six-inches high - and carrying furry muffs to keep their hands warm. Some carried parasols in the summer. They became known as macaronis, from a dish they first encountered in Italy."...
Read full storyAlien filmed in Amazon jungle is Michael Jackson's ghost!
An Alien caught moonwalking in the Amazon rain forest has been identified as Michael Jackson's ghost! The Alien or Michael was "Fred Astair-ing" between mango and banana trees when two British tourists high on the local brew, cachaca, just happened t...
Read full storyTevez spared from nail biting charge as new regime takes effect at City
The one remaining member of the Carlos Tevez fan club was relieved today. A local Mancunian, Kier Jurabsheahan, who is so besotted with the Argentine striker that he has had his name changed by deed poll to make him sound more like Tevez's long ti...
Read full storyRevealed: British Colonel's bad hearing lead to Gadaffi becoming president of Libya
It has been revealed today in the discovery of papers following the accidental murder of Colonel Gaddafi of Libya, that he wasn't in fact president of Libya at all, and has been spending the past 42 years fooling people. Speaking from Algeria, whe...
Read full storyGaddafi burial at Glendale 'next to Jane Fonda and Michael Jackson' - reports
California - The Mad Dog of the Middle East is to be interred in the cemetery's Great Mausoleum Court of Honor in a traditional Halloween ceremony at the end of the month. Gaddafi, who reserved the plot some time in the 1970s, requested to be sand...
Read full storyMC Hammer and Vanilla Ice Merge to Start New Search Engine Wiredoo
SILICONE VALLEY - It has been deemed the most promising of all search engines. MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice have taken their fortunes from Hip Hop and VH1 reality shows and invested all their assets in a brand new search engine, called Wiredoo, which is...
Read full storyRick Perry Vowed to Freeze Romney's Assets if He Touched Him Again
LAS VEGAS - What happened in Vegas will always carry with you. So says Rick Perry, the lagging Republican primary presidential candidate, who knew about that principle before he was governor of Texas. Perry brought athlete's foot back to Texas during...
Read full storyIsrael Agreed to Exchange One Hummus Container for 100 Apple iPhones
TEL AVIV - In what has been deemed the highest exchange stakes between the hostile communities of Israelis and Palestinians, the Israelis would receive one Apple smartphone in exchange for one hundred hummus containers to the Palestinians. Essenti...
Read full storyNBA Superstar Lebron James Tries Professional Baseball
MIAMI - "One day Jordan will wear my baseball jersey and envy how much better I was at it," begins Lebron James at a press conference he hosted out of boredom. Most reporters did not have a clue why Lebron James called them to come downtown Miami,...
Read full storyTevez To Play At Old Trafford In Manchester Derby
The latest buzz on the Manchester rumour hotline is that want away striker Carlos Tevez will line up in Manchester City's starting eleven in this weekend's head to head clash with Manchester United at Old Trafford. Insiders say that City have init...
Read full storyItaly declares national holiday to commemorate end of 'Jersey Shore'
ROME--In what is seen as the most patriotic moment in Italian history since unification, the entire nation of Italy is rejoicing that Season 4 of Jersey Shore has ended. It's unclear wheather "Giorno dei Vaffanculo" or "Fuck You Day" will be held...
Read full storyQPR boss Neil Warnock pins hopes on 'Ade for Adel'
QPR manager Neil Warnock has helped come to the rescue of Adel Taarabt's near-poverty status by recording a song to raise funds for his talented talisman. "I understand living in London on twenty five grand a week can be tough, little wonder Adel...
Read full storyNot all in the same boat
The annual University boat race is to be challenged by other Universities as they feel they shouldn't be excluded. Its always a two horse race but that might be made into a knockout competition. "Its always the light blues versus the dark blues an...
Read full storyObama Gets Hat Trick; Bin Laden, al Awlaki And Gaddafi: Cameron On Short List
WASHINGTON: President Barack Obama triumphantly pounded his chest after hearing from the Pentagon that his old friend, Moamar Gaddafi, finally had his ticket punched. "I'm on a fucking roll," he told his golfing partners this morning. "Let's pre...
Read full storyThe Highlights and Lowlights of The GOP Las Vegas Debate Featuring Ron "The Old Geezer" Paul
LAS VEGAS - The latest GOP presidential candidate debate looked more like a WWF wrestling cage match without the cage than a civilized political debate. Mitt Romney did not like Rick Perry revealing that he (Old Mittens) had hired 17 illegal alien...
Read full storyThe Dregs of History (3) Corporal Ebenezer Scumme (1628 - 1677)
Ebenezer Scumme was in military service for thirty years. He joined the army in 1642 at the age of fourteen and served in many different regiments. He never rose above the rank of Corporal. His years of experience prompted him to put down on paper (actually he couldn't write but got Private Scrape Moulds to write it for him on pain of pain if he didn't) how a soldier could have successful and...
Read full storyJesse James Caught Playing 'Tongue Hockey' With Amanda Knox
WALLA WALLA, Washington - It appears that Jesse James may have gotten over his addiction to Kat Von D. The much tattooed "Messy" Jesse was according to Woody Velcro of Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres caught in the clutches of Amanda Knox parked on a farm...
Read full storyCloris Leachman Talks About The Night Down In Fort Worth That Willie Nelson Had His Way With Her
BEVERLY HILLS - Willie Nelson is 77-years-old and he can still ride a horse just as good as he did when he was 21, which truth be told really ain't worth diddly squat. Those words came from 85-year-old actress Cloris Leachman who had a brief fling...
Read full storyLady Gaga Addresses The Recent Scandal Concerning Some Nude Snapshots
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Lady Gaga flew from New York City to Tinsel Town to get some new ideas for her never-ending gallery of exotic costumes and outfits. Gaga who has dressed up in everything from an ostrich egg to a piece of chicken fried steak was as...
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