Written by tennisman

Friday, 21 October 2011

image for Tevez spared from nail biting charge as new regime takes effect at City
Singing in the shower - Banned in Blues' new regime

The one remaining member of the Carlos Tevez fan club was relieved today.

A local Mancunian, Kier Jurabsheahan, who is so besotted with the Argentine striker that he has had his name changed by deed poll to make him sound more like Tevez's long time associate, breathed a sigh of relief as the judgement was made known.

'It's not as bad as we thought', he said, after the news was released that Tevez will be charged for 'not warming up' following an internal review of his behaviour at the Bayern Munich Champions League away game 3 weeks ago.

Apparently, both the striker's most ardent fan and the player himself feared a much sterner punishment from the clubs' management. It has been alleged that Manager Roberto Mancini is a stickler for a well manicured nail and goes berserk if he spots players gnawing away, especially while on the substitutes bench.

City are know to have a few nail biters and apparently, there is much shuffling at the start of games as players who want a good chew through the game vie for positions on the bench as far away as possible from their chic, well dressed and manicured Italian gaffer.

Carlos had been warned once about the state of his nails but had spent so much time on the bench recently that having a good bite has become his latest hobby. He feared that Mancini would throw the book at him while he bit away as the minutes passed in Munich.

But this charge of 'not warming up' is apparently part of a new disciplinary regime at the club where players can be hauled up before the club's new Committee for Extremely Important Stuff for a number of serious offences.

As well as 'nail biting' and 'not warming up', the Blues superstars can now be brought before the Etihad's version of the beak for numerous infringements, including;

- tucking T shirts into jeans

- refusing to wear an iPod when entering an away ground

- arriving at training in a non chauffeur driven car

- tying a decent knot in their ties.

- singing in the shower

But the jury is out on these new policies according to regular Etihad watchers who fear that the players focus might be diverted onto the business of actually playing football and away from doing what they are being paid to do.

Although some fear that the whole situation might escalate out of control, as threats to have the new code reviewed by the International Criminal Court in the Hague will inevitably eat into players' sleeping time in the afternoons should they be called upon to testify.

The FA have denied that newly appointed GB Olympic football team manager, Stuart Pearce, will be using 'warming up' performance statistics as part of his selection criteria for the 2012 tournament.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
76 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more