Brits Still Baffled By Big Society
PM David Cameron still has a long way to go to sell his Big Society to the nation, a poll by The Daily Arse has revealed. The shocking stats will leave Cameron reeling as he tries to transform the lame duck UK into a pedigree racing pigeon. Some, in fact all, the results of the Daily Rottweiller poll results were: How Well Do You Understand The Big Society? Fuck Off 5% Is It Like Big Br...
Read full storyWoman from Amsterdam smoking cafe called BBC Crimebotch following Jo Yeates TV appeal
Holland - (Double Dutch): Detectives believe a Dutch female may have supplied the vital clue that grassed up Jo Yeates suspect Vincent Tabak. The confidential call came from Amsterdam's Carlos Castenada Coffeshop, just off Leidseplein, from an uns...
Read full storyUnfair for Murdoch
News International boss, Rupert Murdoch, is reportedly depressed. It has been a tough time for him. First he discovers that, without his knowledge, some of his journalists on the News of the World have been hacking into voicemails. This has shocke...
Read full storyPrince Philip takes multicultural awareness course
The Duke of Edinburgh yesterday arrived at the South Lynn Women's Institute in Norfolk to cheers and a plethora of union jacks, but rather than being on an official visit he was there to learn how to change his behaviour. Following a recent court...
Read full storyMad Pieman Responsible for Louisiana Blackbird Kill, Mystery Finally Solved
After weeks of investigating the sudden death of thousands of blackbirds that had fallen from the sky after the New Year in the state of Louisiana, it was discovered that the cause of their death was due to a mad pieman who lived in the area. Th...
Read full storyShamed, unnamed Premier League footy stars caught on film with their D&G pants down!
Two unknown unnamed, over-paid and very horny Premier League footy stars have been caught with their designer pants down on video. Every footy fan in the UK is asking who the hell could be so stupid as to get caught having a "gang-bang" on video...
Read full storyJohn Peurach Named Spoof Op Ed Writer, Gets Whole Section to Himself!
Holy Written Grail, or in other words, verbose, erudite Left Coast Writer John Peurach, was informed today by Spoof.Com editorial spokesman, editor, publisher and payroll supervisor, Sir Marcus Looftoon, that he would be spearheading the brand new Spoof Op Ed section of the daily on line tabloid. Peurach, who has garnered a spoof cult following in recent months due to his studied and lengthly...
Read full storyIt Appears That American Idol's Randy "The Dawg" Jackson Has Decided To Fill Simon "The Viceroy of Venom" Cowell's Shoes
NASHVILLE - The producers of American Idol have decided to lower the requirement age for AI contestants down to 15. And they have done this in anticipation of Simon Cowell's brand new soon to hit the airwaves show X-Factor. Cowell's American versi...
Read full storyO'Bama Mandate: US Now to Export all "Green Jobs" To Ireland Instead of China To Keep Irish Vote for 2012!
In a startling reversal of international trade policy, President Barrack "Paddy" O'Bama directed his Secretary of Commerce to enforce his new Presidential Mandate requiring all outsourcing of Green Jobs and Products go to Ireland to reverse the imba...
Read full storyUK man caught red-cocked having sex with a horse, hope it was a filly!
A UK man who was caught having sex with a horse after being filmed on CCTV has admitted he made a "huge" mistake because he tried to gallop away, then he was caught and then he admitted, "mounting horsies is not for faint hearts and mini-dicks?"...
Read full storyHovering Man Banned From Cardiff
Astonishing news today from a Cardiff court where Leighton Brynn-Williams-Bellamy (the only Welshman with a triple barrelled surname) was banned from hovering in public places! The art of levitation has been handed down through generations of his...
Read full storyBirmingham bans Meerkat Carpets...and also Meerkat Kebabs.
Birmingham City Council have tonight issued a statement saying that they are banning the sale of Meerkat Carpets. They say it is an outrage that the wool of the furry little creatures has been used in such a way. They also said they will be ban...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Devastated As Her Bodyguard Quits
READING, Pennsylvania - The woman who proved to America that one does not have to really know how to dance in order to advance on the reality dancing show Dancing With The Stars is reportedly quite devastated Kate "Graceless" Gosselin, the woman w...
Read full story'Don't blame the officials - blame the players,' says Sir Trev.
According to the FA's Director of Football Development, Sir Trevor Brooking, the future prospects of England's football team in international competitions will be greatly increased with the intended opening next year of the £100 million National Fo...
Read full story"No Lisping" To Replace "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral John Mullen, issued a statement today regarding new guidelines to be included in the Uniform Code of Military Justice. With the repeal of the "don't ask, don't tell" rule, the Pentagon has been working...
Read full storyReclusive Curmudgeon and Biochemist "Frankie The J", Invents Cure-All Drug
Normally shy and privacy minded biochemist only known as "Frankie The J", has released a series of findings from laboratory drug trials to the New England Journal of Medicine this week, confirming the potency of a newly patented cure-all drug. Rep...
Read full storyHMP Ford to be saved
A leaked report from the Ministry of Justice suggests that ministers wish to save HMP Ford, the open prison in Sussex which was last seen going up in smoke, because, were it to close there would be nowhere to send disgraced MPS, Lords and D List cele...
Read full storyA Glimpse Of The Future: Man's First Walk On Mars, An Interview With The Men That Conquered The Planet.
With man's unrelenting passion for the conquering of space, it was with great fascination that the population of this humble planet Earth, stood gazing at the sky Sunday last. We were finally going to set foot upon the famous 'red planet'. We were to leave our first human footprint on that rugged and angry place, far off, yet known throughout humanity. We, as a race, would finally walk on Mars!...
Read full storyJasmine Villegas Reveals An Interesting Intimate Secret About Justin Bieber
LOS ANGELES - Jasmine Villegas, who not only was Justin Bieber's opening act last year but who also dated the young Canadian for two months has revealed an intimate detail about the Bieber. Villegas, 17, who starred on the Disney Channel's spin-of...
Read full storyTea Partiers Found to Emit Obnoxious Gas, Can Be Used for Fuel
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Tea Party, nothing to do with Tea or Parties, has been found out to be a form of gas. The gas, which is very obnoxious, from one Partier, releases enough enery to power the entirety of New York City for several years. (One y...
Read full storyParallel Universe: Dictator Obama Shows What Nation Would Look Like In a Democracy
ANGELS' GROVE CITY, CA - The Leader Obama, has, with the help of some film studios, depicted Americana as if it were a democratic state. Research and creative abilities have been poured into what the nation would look like, including renaming Ange...
Read full storyHelpline for tattoo victims launched
Following on from the unveiling of Cheryl Cole's new back tattoo which promises to make her look really wonderful as a millionaire sunbathing pensioner in Monaco in a few decades' time, the National Union of Mentally Perplexed Tattooed Youth - NUMPTY...
Read full storyDaily tips for successful Insider dealing and the immanent closure of British Leyland in early in 2012
Good morning loyal readers and I hope today finds you happy with your fingers poised on your screens, ready for another day's dealing, or as I like to call it, hawking your soul. I was up at 3 o'clock this morning for a breakfast meeting with Roy Jenkins however he had nothing of use to say. I am of the opinion that like most of the present cabinet, his recent political contributions resemb...
Read full story'Veteran sex bomb' Julie Burchill about to step into Andy Coulson's shoes?
London - (Hackers): A leather-jacketed biker chick pic of Burchill used to hang in Conservative Party HQ during the 1980s, admittedly at least 50lb and four dress sizes ago. Mrs Thatcher's grandees were cock-a-hoop about a newspaper column she wr...
Read full storyMy Life on Facebook
I have 560 friends on face book and growing. In my real life I have 3. My 560 friends live in really interesting places and have very interesting jobs and hair styles. My real friends are Accountants and Teachers and live in Tempalouge. In turn each of them has hundreds of friends…. well some of them only have 6. But their probably out a lot, therefore they don't have the chance to meet people on...
Read full storyVincent Tabak - The Flying Dutchman
Vincent Tabak arrived home from work on the 17th December with a swish of cold air and a crunch on the gravel of his mansion at 66 Canning Road, Bristol. His breath was coming out in great white puffs. His fingers were painfully frost-bitten by the cold December wind. He dismounted from his bicycle only to see Wizard and one of his cronies parked at the front of the mansion. Being a polit...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Makes Sharon Osbourne Go All Broody
Sharon Osboutrne wants to hear the patter of tiny feet again after meeting youthful singing sensation, Justin Bieber. Sharon and husband, rock wildman Ozzy, met the young singer on the set of an ad for the Superbowl, where Oz and Justin had to dre...
Read full storyPriyanka Chopra and Katrina Kaif raided for disproportionate assets: IT sleuths recover $1million and 18 autographs
The massive spike in attendance in the IT-department seems to have finally been explained. Income Tax sleuths allegedly uncovered 6 crores and 18 autographs at Chopra's house. "The tax department of late has become quite efficient. And I got my...
Read full storyKid Rock's Marriage Is Reportedly On The Rocks
DETROIT - The word coming out of Detroit is that white heavy metal rapper Kid Rock's marriage has hit a snag and is reportedly on the rocks. The native of Romeo, Michigan, whose real name is Robert James Ritchie has certainly more than played the...
Read full storyObama Stops Construction of Border Fence, Cites Mexican Catapult
President Barrack Obama announced at a press conference today that the US would scrap all plans to complete a border fence to keep out Mexican drug runners and citizens from Mexico and other Central American countries from entering the US illegally.
Read full storyThe Truth Behind Selena Gomez' Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, Meltdown
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - The star of the Disney Channel Original Series The Wizards of Waverly Place Selena Gomez traveled down to Cabo San Lucas for a much needed vacation. Gomez who last summer had the #1 hit "I Can Giggle And Wiggle And Fa Shiz...
Read full storySusan Boyle has been invited to Canada by Spoof Writer Lady Godiva
Lady Godiva has been a great fan of Susan Boyle ever since a friend emailed her he audition tape from the BGT auditions. Lady G. does not watch reality shows but was so blown away, as were thousands, if not millions, of others by Susan's remarkabl...
Read full story"Star Trek 2011 Series Unrealistic" says NASA
WASHINGTON, D.C. - After news emerged of a Star Trek reboot for 2011, set in 2115, NASA has decried the show over its episodic content. NASA has said that the Enterprise-G would not not be able to achieve Warp Factor 5 (roughly 200,000,000,000,000...
Read full storyAustralian Open Hosts First-Ever All-Marsupial Final
Saturday's men's final will be the climax of a record-breaking Australian Open 2011, as the Rod Laver Arena hosts the first-ever all-marsupial title contest. The match, between an Eastern Grey Kangaroo and a Wombat, will be the first-ever grand sl...
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