Brits Still Baffled By Big Society

Funny story written by Erskin Quint

Friday, 28 January 2011


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image for Brits Still Baffled By Big Society
An Electronic Copy Of The Government's White Paper On Growth Yesterday

PM David Cameron still has a long way to go to sell his Big Society to the nation, a poll by The Daily Arse has revealed.

The shocking stats will leave Cameron reeling as he tries to transform the lame duck UK into a pedigree racing pigeon.

Some, in fact all, the results of the Daily Rottweiller poll results were:

How Well Do You Understand The Big Society?
Fuck Off 5%
Is It Like Big Brother? 55%
It's Jordan's Massive Jugs 10%
Fuck Off 15%
Homeless Latvians Sell It 15%

Is The Big Society A Good Or Bad Idea In Principle?
Never Watch It 25%
Jordan's Knockers 5%
Fuck You 35%
Send Immigrants Back 10%
Is It The Mafia? 5%
They All Went To Eton And Piss In The Same Pot 10%
Cameron's A Gobshite 5%
Are You Taking The Piss? 5%

Will The Big Society Work In Practice?
No They're Selling Off The GP's Practices 10%
There's No Work 10%
George Osborne Is Just Practising 10%
Cameron's An Arse Bandit 5%
Immigrants Have Taken All Our Jobs 15%
Jordan's Big Tits 30%
It's All Bollocks 20%

Worryingly, one of the major architects of the Big Society, Philip Brunette told The Daily Lobotomy yesterday that the Big Society agenda was still not being fully grasped across the full spectrum of all sectors of society.

"The Big Society agenda is still not being fully grasped across the full spectrum of all sectors of society", he told The Daily Cesspool yesterday.

But the Tories still have a twenty point lead as the best party to brutalise the nation and lead Britain into the 18th century in a poll for The Daily Moron.

Meanwhile, George Osborne revealed that the March 23rd Budget "will turn the tide - and it is a tide - on the forces - and they are forces - of stagnation - and it is stagnation, thanks to the previous government - and they are thanks, because it gives us a good excuse, - and they are excuses, and it is a previous government."

Mr Osborne was speaking at the World Fop & Dandy Conman Forum at Davros, Lichtenstein, yesterday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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