Olympic venues to become prisons as London cancels the event.
As Parliament re-sat today the government had to make some difficult decisions. David Cameron announced their plans late today. "We need to realise that we will not be able to fill these stadiums, velodrome etcetera now. People will be far too sca...
Read full storyCelebrities arrested during London Riots
Pauline Quirk and David Jason have been arrested during the London riots. "We were quite surprised to find them in our cells," said Chief of the Metropolitan Police, Felicity Kendal. "And they weren't the only well known names to grace our cells."...
Read full storyRioters target shops they like
Rioters in Manchester and London appear to be targeting shops that they like. "We've seen a large number of shops targeted," said detective inspector Gutta Bungh. "Mainly though, they appear to be Miss Selfridge, Top Shop, Elizabeth Duke and Matal...
Read full storyUSS CLUSTER F..K : Navy Honors Obama By Naming Garbage Scow For Him
One of the honors of being a famous politician or celebrity is having your name painted on the hull of a newly commissioned United States warship. Most of the time it is done posthumously. Only a few men, like Senator McCain, who had the Guided Mis...
Read full storyUS raids ShamWow factory in Germany 'to bring jobs back to America'
Heidelberg -- A special force of TSA agents, armed with confiscated box cutters, has successfully captured the main ShamWow factory in Germany in a midnight raid. The attack is believed to be the first of many that will be initiated by Congress'...
Read full storyAmerica's Got Talent: Psychedelic Bicyclist Matt Wilhelm Wows The Crowd and Judges
HOLLYWOOD - The YouTube edition of America's Got Talent managed to showcase some acts that quickly found favor with the AGT judges and the studio audience. Certainly one of the night's favorites was a young Chicagoan named Matt Wilhelm who has tak...
Read full storyExposed: Rick Perry attended Marcus Bachmann Fix-A-Gay (FAG) School!
Politico is reporting this morning that an anonymous source has told them that Governor Rick Perry attended the Fix-A Gay (FAG) school founded by Michele Bachmann's husband Marcus Bachmann. Suspicion is rampant that the information came from the Bach...
Read full storyThey're All Aboard! Biden, Brown, Calderon Announce Latest Amtrak Drug Induced Fantasy!
After losing billions of dollars since it's inception, the Government Railroad (GR), otherwise known in Washington Speak as Amtrak, has finally come up with a way to turn a profit thanks to the leadership of California Governor Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown! In a joint press conference in Sacramento, Governor Brown, Biden, and Mexico's president Felipe Calderon announced they would be linking Mexico...
Read full storyThey've Gorn Orf To Live In The Tower!
The Queen and Prince Philip have moved home to Her Majesty's Royal Palace and Fortress 'The Tower of London'. The decision has been taken because of the recent riots in the capital. The plan now is for Buckingham Palace to become a new London museum.
Read full storyRiot cops fear 'psychotic' UFO mothership dumping toxic blue ice on Inner City hellholes
London - "Don't blame this 'alien shit' for the breakdown of law and order," a Home Office spokesman snarled at crunchtime today. The fierce rebuttal comes amid multiple sightings of a rogue spacecraft dumping over urban hotspots. Historically...
Read full storyPoor Nick Clegg Can't Do Anything Right
On the morning of Tuesday 9th August, David Cameron who has had returns home early from his holiday, due to riots through-out the UK. "Nicholas William Peter Clegg, what do you think you are playing at? I go on holiday and I come back to this. You said we trust you, you said you wanted more responsibility. This is how you repay us. Stolen property, broken windows, fires. Do you think this is fu...
Read full storyCaptured UK rioters, thugs, looters and other scum to be sent to Somalian refugee camps for 3 months hard labour!
The recent riots in the UK have proved one thing, that those who participated certainly need a harsh lesson and the Prime Minister has approved of an idea from the innocent people who have been severely damaged by the riots. The rioters, looters, thugs and other scum are to be dumped into containers,without a hearing or trial, put in jumbo transport aeroplanes and shipped immediately off to Som...
Read full storyUnited Nations troops needed for the United Kingdom
LONDON, England: In scenes reminiscent of the Blitz, the populace of England are being terrorised by gangs of thugs. Norman Brennan the former British Transport Police officer and founder of the Victims of Crime Trust, has made this statement on na...
Read full storyConcerns Over Cameron's Riots Master Plan Remedy!
Relative calm was restored to the streets and dark alleys of London last night following the Reichstag-like fires across the Nation's capital just twenty-four hours earlier. Prime Minister David Cameron's made a cunning ploy to forewarn Monday ni...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Denies The Rumor That She Was "Tongue Wrestling" With American Idol Winner Scotty McCreery
LOS ANGELES - Miley Cyrus has purposely tried to stay out of the limelight ever since the situation with Lindsay Lohan got extremely serious. Miley told Hollywood Vis-a-Vis reporter Dylan Fresno that she realized that she did not want to end up lo...
Read full storyArizona Governor Jan Brewer Says She's Throwing Her Sombrero (Hat) Into The GOP Presidential Ring
PHOENIX - Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann may have another female candidate entering the presidential race. Reports filtering out of Arizona are saying that the state's governor Jan Brewer has decided to run for the office of president. Effort...
Read full storyLondon Riots: Police Arrests On 'Cyclists With No Lights' Down
The London Riots which have been raging in the capital and now other cities for the last three nights have already had a marked effect on the number of arrests made by the police in other areas of crime, it has been reported. The riots, which have...
Read full storyLondon Riots Spread To Bangkok
The unsightly riots that have gripped the city of London over the last three nights have now made their presence felt in other parts of the world, and have even spread to the far-off outpost of the Thai capital of Bangkok, it has been claimed. The...
Read full storyLondon Riots: Rich People Quaking In Their Boots After Girl's Frank Admission
Rich people all over England have been 'quaking in their boots' this morning after a girl interviewed by the BBC admitted that she had taken part in the London Riots to show those with businesses and the police, that the Poor People could do whatever...
Read full storyManchester Riots: MP's Enraged
Manchester has suffered the worst riots and public unrest in the city's history. Yobs, youths, and grown men that should know better, laid siege to the centre of Manchester last night. A government spokesman said early this morning: "These fol...
Read full storyWashington Republicans Form New Team for the 2012 Season
Washington DC: The Washington Republicans are staging a comeback. A new team General Manager Reince Priebus of Wisconsin has replaced Michel Steele of Maryland. Mr. Steele only won one third of the games played in 2010, but he is credited with "the H...
Read full storyLocal Man Questions Wisdom Of David Cameron's "Hug A Hoodie" Approach
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, somewhat out of the loop recently, today caught up on the news of escalating violence across the UK, when he finished work. An amazed Shuttlecock, having recently resumed the joys of cycling, (Not that that's relevant)...
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