Slappers, Cougars and Rent Boys may benefit as media doubles undercover reporting
More reporters will go undercover more often than ever in 2011, to capitalize on the vast number of aging, fleshy men with a dollop of power and a propensity for bigging themselves up. Editors at publications across the UK have decided the only...
Read full storyExplaining the Television News Channels
Today, there are over two hundred channels or programmes dedicated to news on television. Who is the best? Who can report everything that is going on in the world? This guide tells you all you need to know about news programmes. EVERYTHING. United States of America News FOX News - Famous for its warm-hearted views, and feelings of world peace. NBC - Not for liberals. Not for conserve...
Read full storyNew Slug Species "Resistant to Salt" says Lab
A lab based at Brunel University has confirmed the new species of "Super Slug" has developed a resistance to salt. The vile slugs, which can grow up to three feet in size, have seen their numbers increase rapidly since first sighting in April.
Read full storyStory of Baby Jesus Rewritten to Fit in With Modern Consumerism
LONDON - The original story of baby Jesus invokes love into many a person's heart. But some people feel it is outdated. The story will be remade to conform to the consumeristic and materialistic standards of today. Firstly, Mary received a halo-gr...
Read full storySarah Palin Actually Osama Bin-Laden with Plastic Surgery
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In another shocking political twist, Sarah Palin was revealed to be America's number one enemy: Bin-Laden. The first clue was when she sided with the North Koreans in an interview. The second clue was when she appeared verently...
Read full storyDJ Tim Westwood being treated for shock
Radio One DJ Tim Westwood is in hospital being treated for shock after discovering for the first time in his life that he isn't black. Mr Westwood made the discovery after looking into a mirror at the Radio One studio and realising he actually has...
Read full storyNewcastle Univesity Researchers Have Found Rudolph Safe and Well Inside a Brain
"A close-up image of a blood vessel in the brain has amazed scientists with its likeness to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." When stories reached researchers at the world renowned 'Newcastle University', that Rudolph was missing, they gathered in...
Read full storyNewcastle is not the New Bethlehem say Religious Leaders
Newcastle has been hailed as an imposter amid claims that Christ will be reborn within the city over the festive period. Religious leaders worldwide have condemned the city which is without a virgin or three wise men. The ladies of Newcastle...
Read full storyWalmart Buys Entire Rights To Christmas- Starts By Laying Off Jesus
In a sweeping move today Walmart has bought the entire rights to Christmas and all its accessories. The move is designed to give Walmart control over the popular holiday and to help shore up the retail giant as being the main source that shoppers go...
Read full storyNewcastle Univesity Researchers Have Found Rudolph Safe and Well Inside a Brain
"A close-up image of a blood vessel in the brain has amazed scientists with its likeness to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. When stories reached researchers at the world renowned 'Newcastle University', that Rudolph was missing, they gathered in t...
Read full storyFive 'Wall Street Heavyweights' Say Its Time To Put Your Meager Money Into Their Greedy Hands
The front page of USA Today announced that '5 Wall Street Heavyweights say it's time to "Get Back Into Stocks!"' Yes folks, for those of you who are not unemployed or living out of a storage unit it is time to take your hard earned cash and put it back into the hands of those people who almost sunk the United States like it was the Titanic. The money section of the paper (and who knows money...
Read full storyRumour that Man Utd. To Fold Tent and Move to Qatar Worst News Since Christmas Weather Forecast!
A snow bound England, already suffering from severe depression, was plunged deeper into despair when it was announced the Glazer family is in negotiations to sell off The Big Red Team to Qatar and move it lock stock and Old Trefford! "It's not su...
Read full storyMama Odie makes pork rinds at home
LOUISIANA- An estimated 500 people showed up to Mama Odie's Easter Sunday pork cracking dinner. The menu was composed of only pork cracking and beer. The dinner was followed by a Run/Walk pig Trot to see who would be the winner of a pig skinned j...
Read full storyObama gives Muslim radicals & Taliban even more reason to hate them as the US military goes "Gay"!
President Obama in his wisdom (??) has signed a treaty allowing "gay" military personnel to be just what they are "gay"! Ending a dubious 1993 agreement that "gays" in the military should not divulge their sexuality, but just sleep with their buddies...
Read full storyGay soldier found in British Army
The whole fabric and tradition of the British Army was in turmoil today, when it was announced that a Gay soldier had been found amongst the ranks of the finest fighting force in the world. Major Arnold Limpy, the Armed Forces press officer said;...
Read full storyBankers Smile As Snow Takes Away Spotlight on Super-Bonuses
LONDON - In a sneaky sly way in the City, the snow which has caused untold traffic and emergency service misery, is the bankers' gold. While the snow is diverting attention away from huge super-bonuses and the fact that Russia won the 2014 WC bid,...
Read full storyStartling News of MI6 Bondage Man
Gareth Williams, the MI6 man who was found dead and naked in a padlocked trunk, was into bondage and drag, it was revealed today. He also had a stock of women's clothes. 'Nothing unusual about that' MI6 Chief Sir Sidney Birch told me 'seems pretty...
Read full storyWinter solstice/lunar eclipse seismology fallout spreads to Cumbria
Cumbria - (Tremors): The 3.5 quake rattled much of the Lake District today as locals blamed Druidic hankypanky on the Winter solstice for the tremor that shook their peaceful habitat. The tremor's epicentre was identified as being some 8.9 miles u...
Read full storyUFO astral projection launch pad discovered in ancient French village peak
Pic de Bugarach - (Lemuria Courier): The alien astral projection facility hidden deep inside the rocky Pyrennean outcrop was first unearthed by the Nazis during World War II. This week the area was reported to be teeming with thousands of New Age...
Read full storyJournalists asked to take emergency supplies to disaster areas
Large areas of the UK are currently unable to get any kind of supplies, with some areas beginning to run out of the basics such as milk, bread and toothpaste. The delivery lorries are unable to get to the supermarkets. Even the trusty Transit van...
Read full storyOffside Law Rolled Out Nationwide
Today is a historic day in British history, as the offside law makes a gigantic leap from the football field into the life of every unsuspecting citizen. Having been trialled in supermarkets earlier this year, the new "public offside rule" is set...
Read full storyCSI:Miami - Season Finale Review
So another season comes to a close on a cliff-hanger. All the Miami-Dade CSI's - except Lt Horatio Caine - were left incapacitated, lying on the lab floor. What on Earth could have happened? Do we really care? After all, they'll all no doubt be fine again at the end of the first episode of the next series after Lt Caine's determined investigation. This has been an odd season, which has se...
Read full storyThe Green Goblin Arrested for Tampering with Spider-Man Sets
The Green Goblin, wearing a green jumpsuit, was arraigned in a Manhattan courtroom early this morning. In a shocking turn of events, he's accused of tampering with theater sets and props and causing the accidents that have plagued the new Broadwa...
Read full storyMetropolitan Museum's Velazquez Is The Genuine Article
Experts at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, have changed their minds about a portrait of Spain's Philip IV. The picture, painted in 1624, was previously thought to have been executed by an assistant of the great Spanish master, Diego Vela...
Read full storyBelgium Declares War On Britain
Belgium has declared war on Britain, effective from lunchtime today. The Belgian government has expressed its ire at the fact that Britain consumes a disproportionate amount of Stella Artois and fine Belgian chocolate, leaving little for the Belgian'...
Read full storySandra Bullock "The Kissing Bandit" Confesses That Her Next Kissing Targets Are Shakira, Christina Aguilera, Cheryl Cole, and Ke$ha
AUSTIN - This year's Best Actress winner Sandra Bullock recently confided to her gynecologist, Dr. Osgood Forkingview, that she has really gotten quite the reputation for being 'The Good Looking Chick Who Loves To Kiss Good Looking Chicks.' Bulloc...
Read full storyGwyneth Paltrow and Her Mom Blythe Danner Both Deny That They Got Their "Playpens" Botoxed
HOLLYWOOD - Mother and daughter, Blythe Danner and Gwyneth Paltrow, were purse shopping at Purcharelli's Purses & Stuff when they were asked about the botox rumors. Platrow smiled and said that yes it was true that she had indeed received a li...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Has Reportedly Assaulted Her Rehab Clinic Anger Management Instructor
LOS ANGELES - Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass, the executive director of The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic, has just informed the news media that Lindsay Lohan (Patient #73013) has reportedly been involved in an altercation on rehab clinic property.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Vagina Gets a Much Needed Break
Lindsay Lohan's vagina came out publicly with a statement about how it felt about all the controversy swirling around Lindsay lately. Most young ladies use their vaginas on a limited basis. They give it out a little bit at a time fearing the reper...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Threatens the American Way of Life
Lindsay Lohan's outrageous antics the last couple of years has women's groups up in arms. Soccer moms across the nation are banding together to protest Lindsay Lohan's behavior lately. Lindsay's troubles started innocent enough to begin with. She was seen frequenting the latest hot spots, drinking to excess. Just doing the normal things almost all young adults do when they arte given the freed...
Read full storyBetty Ford Counselor Enjoyed Wrestling With Lindsay Lohan
Counselors that work in rehabs often have to resort to restraint to subdue uncooperative patients. Most of these tussles are harmless enough. People don't usually want to be in rehab or are having bad reactions to cutting themselves off from the stea...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Gets Caught, Making a Break For It. Battles With Betty Ford Counselor.
Lindsay Lohan, America's sweetheart/bad girl was caught by one of the Betty Ford staff, making a break for it, with one of her girlfriends to go out boozing it up. Lindsay, who has been court ordered, to go to an extended stay in a rehab might no...
Read full story"Obama Is So Totally a Communist" says Former USSR Vetaran
WASHINGTON, D.C. - At a press conference outside his home, Mikhail Gobachev agreed with American thinking. "Obama is definitely a commie," he said. "Oh yes. He hasn't killed millions, but yes a communist." He pointed out facts about the new hea...
Read full storyPresident Obama Signs the STAMP Act
Washington DC: President Obama signed the Spending Termination and Mandate Prevention (STAMP) Act of 2011. The STAMP Act was negotiated with House Speaker Boehner (R-OH) and Senate Majority Leader Reid (D-NV) to severely limit federal spending and un...
Read full storySeismic double whammy as Winter solstice and lunar eclipse trigger major earthquakes
Pacific Ocean - (Tremors): A Winter solstice delirium tremens hit South Eastern Iran today. The 7.4 magnitude quake near the holy city of Bam also triggered a seismic tipple - er...ripple!- effect that battered Japan's Bonin Isles 1,000 km south o...
Read full story