Gareth Williams, the MI6 man who was found dead and naked in a padlocked trunk, was into bondage and drag, it was revealed today. He also had a stock of women's clothes.
'Nothing unusual about that' MI6 Chief Sir Sidney Birch told me 'seems pretty healthy to me. Bondage is a favourite pastime of some of our agents. We have to learn how to cope if we are kidnapped and imprisoned by evil forces that lurk in the shadows of our world. As for drag that's a great entertainment. The only shows Gareth went to were Pantomimes where drag is almost obligatory.'
I was puzzled by this :'How about women's clothes?'
'He no doubt had girl friends as any James Bond follower would have. He had to have a store of clothes for them in case they stayed more than a couple of nights.'
'Why' I asked 'do you think he was found dead and naked in a padlocked trunk?'
'I know Gareth was keen on Houdini and had studied his escape routines. I should think he had encouraged some mates to lock him in this trunk to see how long it would take him to escape. Doubtless after waiting a while his mates needed a drink and left, not realising that Gareth would never escape. It was an oversight but we all make mistakes.'
So there we have it straight from Birch's mouth. I once knew his father 'Old Birch' who flogged boy's within an inch of their lives at a famous Public School. 'Old Birch' was a great joker. 'They loved it' he often told me 'many of them came back for more.' With a father like that Sidney Birch was a natural for MI5 Chief.
We can rest assured that MI6 is in good hands. They like a bit of fun like anyone else.
