Susan Boyle speaks to one of our top writers regarding her appearance on The View
Following her recent appearance on the t.v. show 'The View' Susan Boyle granted an interview with one of our top writers (TW) TW: Susan, if I may be so familiar, how did you feel when you stopped part way through your live singing, seemingly having a throat problem? Subo: Och! It wasna such a grrreat deal. Ah think those t.v. folk are a wee bit too uptight. Ah felt grrrrat masel' ye ken...
Read full storyJan Moir Mistletoe Manifesto to Save Christmas from the Gays
Still convinced she was "just sayin'" about the sordid circumstances of that business in 2009, Daily Mail columnist and large presence Jan Moir has set her sights on saving Christmas from the clutches of sex-mad gays. "I think I can fairly say...
Read full storySubo fanatics upset at recent changes in 'pat downs' at airports
Subo fanatics are up in arms at the latest security measures being put into practice at airports, mainly the more 'intimate' pat downs. They are all frequent flyers, following their idol, Susan Boyle, around the world. They are to be seen EVERYWH...
Read full storyPat Butcher in earring trauma
EastEnders fans are being told to brace themselves for "the most gruesome scene in British soap history." The scene, which is to air next week, will show Walford's regular fat slapper, Pat Butcher, tucking into a bacon sandwich when her face sudd...
Read full storyKinnocks' hypocrisy
Neil and Glenys Kinnock were seen waving their Zimmer frames with delight in Trafalgar Square as it was announced that Britain was no longer a member of the EU. "Were they not being a bit hypocritical," enquired a passing journalist, "since they...
Read full storyFruitcakes not allowed on international flights this holiday season
It has been announced that no fruitcakes will be allowed on International flights from now on. Does this mean the end to air travel as a mode of transportation currently enjoyed by Spoof Writers, Richard Simmons,Clay Aiken and the rest of the gay...
Read full storyBrave Charles and Camilla to Face Crowds Again
In a rush SPECIAL EDITION, The Daily Mail has announced the Prince of Wales and Camilla, Duchess of Co-Respondent, will continue their round of public events after a brazen failed attempt to assassinate their Rolls Royce. Drawing excessively on...
Read full storyQueen Mother's car pelted with flowers
Queen Catherine the Queen Mother was being driven through the centre of London in her maroon ninety year old high top Rolls Royce yesterday, when she was spotted by pedestrians walking past street vendors selling flowers. They mobbed the car forc...
Read full storySubo Fanatics take over The Priory Clinic in London, England
Staff and 'residents' at The Priory Clinic were taken by surprise and caught off guard when more than three dozen Susan Boyle fanatics and five 'flat Susans' (full-sized cardboard pictures of Subo) were admitted to the clinic three days ago. It wa...
Read full storySuBo fanatics sue Santa Claus!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today announced that they are suing Santa Claus for wearing red. "Only we are allowed to wear anything red. This Claus man has no right to wear red without our express written permission. People...
Read full storyBitter Disagreement in Subway Restaurant
This week I been undercover. Wearing my trusty mac and suspicious hat, I have wandered in and out of many public places, attempting to witness spontaneous drama in the flesh. It took a while. Nothing occured in Blockbuster, McDonald's, KFC or Poundland. And the usual scuffling grounds of Hollywood Bowl, Pizza Hut and Hair on Broadway proved unsuccessful. I was almost giving up hope, when I...
Read full storySimon Cowell on Talent Search for Body Double As Camilla Says "No More Bloody Public Appearances, You Twat!"
Consternation turned to constipation in certain royal quarters today after it was learned that Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, has refused to attend any more public ceremonies accompanying her husband after a near fatal confrontation with yobs left he...
Read full storyVan der Sloot Tweets Fans from Peru Jail Cell: "I guess I won't be home for Christmas!"
Tweeting from his plush Peruvian jail cell, accused killer Joran van der Sloot, incarcerated over the beating death of a local young girl, laments the fact that he won't be able to celebrate the holidays with his myriad fans from his social networkin...
Read full storyDrogba Penalty Miss Causes Hilarity Outbreak In West London - Thousands Hurt
Accident and emergency units in West London were under severe pressure on Sunday evening trying to cope with thousands of people laughing uncontrollably. Said a spokesman for the Welsea and Chestminster: "We are working flat out and staff have bee...
Read full storyBlinn College's Cam Newton Scoops Up Heisman Like A Bribed Gator With A Stolen Laptop.
A handcuffed Cecil Newton's applause echoed off the walls of the Best Buy Stadium in New York City as his son, current Auburn and former University of Florida and Blinn College quarterback Cam Newton won the 2010 "Heisman / Future NFL First-Round-Bus...
Read full storyJoy as Tony Blair's son and Cherry Bush's daughter publish engagement pics!
London - (Mario Testosterone News): As con artists go Tony and Cherie surely take the biscuit. But their respective little bastards may be outdoing them in the deception stakes this week. Posing in a St James' Palace reception room the couple k...
Read full storyUS Blizzard Expected to Reach Isle of Wight by Tuesday
US Meteorologists are saying that a major storm front bringing blizzard conditions to almost a dozen states so far is expected to cross the Atlantic and land on Britain's doorstep come Tuesday. "I've not seen anything like it in my 32-year career...
Read full storyX-Factor Matt Cardle's Dirty Filthy Shameful Secret Life Revealed - Shocking Exclusive!
Most of the TV viewing public quite correctly empathise with poor Essex painter and decorator (?) Matt Cardle off the X-Factor, because he's so humble, and because he's a proper musician as opposed to the plastic wannabes he's up against (apart from...
Read full storyDaily Mail Journalists Fight For Cleaner Media
A fun loving group of Daily Mail journalists have today started a campaign to eliminate the presence of sexually suggestive journalism across all forms of British media. The group of seven journalists have called themselves 'Children Come First',...
Read full storyX-Factor's Matt Cardle To Release Duet With Stacey Solomon?
Skoob Entertainment News can exclusively reveal that plans are afoot to release a CD featuring probable X-Factor winner Matt Cardle, with Jungle Queen Stacey Solomon. Details are a little sketchy right now, but word has it that the all conquering...
Read full storyLocal Man In Hellish Birthday Box Of Chocolates Scenario Of Doom
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock thought he had it made on his birthday last Friday, when his charming stepdaughter popped around and presented him with a box of Terry's All Gold Dark Chocolate for his birthday. It dawned on Shuttlecock however, that...
Read full storyEU Hails New Obama-Clinton Coalition, Dissolution of Congress and Formation of Parliament in US!
The Economic Union (EU) today was the first to recognize the fledgling new government of the United States after it was announced that a new ruling coalition of Barry Hussein Obama, and William Jefferson Clinton, had dissolved Congress, reinstated...
Read full storyMassive terrorist training facility uncovered in London's Canary Wharf
With their credit default swaps and their naked short selling, they may not possess the terrifying allure of a phoney Al-Qaeda - but they are better trained; state-protected and they take down whole countries and their economies with ruthless ease an...
Read full storyNelson's Column down. Dubious replacement up.
A highly controversial decision to replace Nelson's Column with a column dedicated to Nick Clegg has been met with displeasure throughout the United Kingdom. Clegg's Column, which is scheduled to be erected in Trafalgar Square by the end of 2012,...
Read full storyCarrie Fisher Insinuates That John Travolta Is Gay - Travolta Fires Back "But Not In A Gay Way"
MILWAUKEE - Carrie Fisher, the long ago star of Star Wars epics, was visiting an old high school biology teacher, Mrs. Ettie Vinnie Nutbrewster in Milwaukee. As the two talked at a local Chicky's Cheese Chalet Shoppe she was asked by one of the wa...
Read full storySubo fanatics go to great lengths - even getting plastic surgery to look more like their idol
I have a lot to thank Subo and her fanatics for. I have just looked back over òld stories....to find that the Subo stories received the most ratings of any others I have written. Thank you Susan - thank you all you red scarved fanatics. I couldn't have done it without you. I hear the true fanatics are all still going at it too. Many have actually had plastic surgery to make them look mo...
Read full storySharm El Shaikh sharks 'spawned in Princess Diana Memorial Fountain'
London - (Shark And Awe): Tiny loan shark tadpoles stranded in the Hype Park water feature have tested DNA positive. Stuxnet inspired cyberphishing expeditions earlier this year tracked natural migration and globule (sic) warring to the Red Sea re...
Read full storyX-Factor Saturday - Was Rihanna Wearing Knickers?
Speculation has been mounting over Saturday's X-Factor, following Rihanna's duet with 'painter and decorator' Matt Cardle, as to whether or not the R&B megastar was wearing any knickers. Wearing a slinky dress, slit to the tonsils up one side,...
Read full storyHeisman Trophy Winner Cam Newton Now Linked to Kim Kardashian in "Big Arse Mess!"
Cam Newton, Auburn's best football player in decades, won the Heisman Trophy in a tsunami of votes cast by Sports Writers, and later celebrated with new beau Kim Kardashian who was on hand to keep an eye on her latest conquest. Newton, who ecl...
Read full storyClegg Slips Down the Greasy Pole
Liberal Democrat headquarters, guarded by 500 police with horses, dogs, water canon, tear gas and guns, hailed a great day for Liberal Politics. Some people still backed Nick Clegg! However, Clegg has slipped down the greasy pole and his arse hit...
Read full storyCameron and Clegg to see marriage counselor
DAVID Cameron and Nick Clegg released a joint statement yesterday, confirming rumours that they were seeing a marriage counselor and that their marriage had hit rocky times of late. However, they went on to say that they were determined to make thing...
Read full storyQue Sera Sera ...
In 1900's three bacteriologists, by taking DNA from one type of bacteria and inserting it into another, discovered that the genetic characteristics are transferable. Now, can it be interpreted that life is essentially pre-determined and goes on according to a master plan. However, Carl Jung, 1875 - 1961, talked of the 'principle of opposites'. As an example, he tells us that every wish immediat...
Read full storySqueegee Guys in Manhattan Hired to Do TSA-style Pat Downs of Taxi Passengers
They used to rush up to cars stopped at red lights and do a quick squeegee wash of the windshield, hoping for a nice tip. Sometimes they got what they wanted. Other times they just earned themselves complaints. But now they've moved on to a...
Read full storyBig "Sam" changes his name
BLACKBURN Rover's manager Allardyce has changed his name, according to Lancashire County Court officials. Contrary to popular opinion, he was actually christened "Big" by his parents in 1936. "Sam" became his nickname in primary school for no particu...
Read full storyKate Middleton buys milk and isn't photographed doing so
DAILY Mail readers were utterly furious last night after discovering that Kate Middleton had bought a pint of milk from the corner shop and hadn't been photographed doing so. The slip only came to light after another customer, a Mail reader, wrote in...
Read full storyChina's Response To Nobel Peace Prize Goofed Up By Interpreter Errors
China yesterday sacked its official Chinese-to-English interpreter after it was found that translation errors had created misunderstanding about its response to the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize. Chinese Foreign Ministry Spokesperson, using Pinyi...
Read full storyPsalm 23
Yea though I walk in death's dark vale Yet will I feel no ill For thou art with me And thy rod and staff me comfort still The 23rd Psalm - Catholic version. It was a bit like that when I first discovered the Spoof. I didn't have a clue what was going on, and it was a bit daunting. But being the kind of individual who could bullshit for England, I stuck with it. I'm so glad tha...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - "IT Guy" Course to be Offered
Council Leader David Pugh was on hand today at Isle of Wight College for the grand announcement of a new "IT Guy" course. Pugh said "This is the first step for the island to diversify from a tourism based economy to become known as a technological...
Read full storyJames and the Cavaliers Being Sued
The Third District Appellate Court of Lake County, in Cleveland, Ohio, today acknowledged receipt of a lawsuit naming the Cleveland Cavaliers, a professional basketball team with corporate offices in Cleveland, Ohio, and naming Labron James as co-def...
Read full storyStar Wars 3D Update: Studio Reveals Significant Changes To Bring Saga Up To Date.
It is no secret that George Lucas, creator of legendary sci-fi tour de force 'Star Wars', is currently at work on a 3D updated version of his saga. But what wasn't known was the subtle changes he is making, to bring the saga bang up to date. We ha...
Read full storyBrett Favre Scenes To Be Recut In Temporarily Recalled Film 'There's Something About Mary'
Directors Bobby and Peter Farrelly, who directed the smash hit There's Something About Mary, are demanding the 20th Century Fox temporarily remove the 1998 movie from store shelves, Netflix queues and near-constant rotation on Ted Turner-owned basic...
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