Miley gets license after dad begs DMV: "My daughter needs this!"
Hollywood , CA: Miley Cyrus is now the owner of a brand new car. But how, you ask, she can't even drive?! Miley's father, Billy Ray, went to the DMV with her yesterday morning. She hadn't studied the manuals, or anything! Soon after Miley and...
Read full storyJamie Lynn pregnant again soon after 1st baby!
Jamie Lynn Spears revealed yesterday that she's single, and pregnant again. Her now ex-boyfriend, Casey Aldridge says that "Jamie's going to be ok. We're still friends..." Jamie's mom said: "She's doing ok, actually. We still are a bit shocked...
Read full storyAnimal protection Unit: "Walkers, please walk away"
A.P.U [Animal Protection Unit] are said to be disturbed and unhappy about the choice of flavours for the new crisps Walkers have just released and have told them to "Walk away." The new flavours of crisps include flavours such as; Onion Bajhi; Bu...
Read full storyITV launches ITV2 -1
British broadcaster ITV today announced plans to launch a new station, "ITV2 -1". The station will show many popular ITV shows such as the 6 o'clock news, but at the more convenient time of 5 o'clock. Director general Michael Grade said in a stat...
Read full storyEngland Capitalise As West Indies Players Turn Out In Flip Flops
The England cricket team looked to put their humiliating innings and 23 runs defeat at the hands of the West Indies behind them in Antigua today, as they clobbered the home side's bowling attack all around the Antigua Recreation Ground, and were 271...
Read full storyPorn Star Opens Herself Up To Ridicule
Following the news that Porn Star Stormy Daniels is to run for the American Senate, a little-known UK 'actress' and 'reader's wife' has decided to stand for Parliament at the next election. Dusty Cavern (57) aims to become MP for North Suffolk &...
Read full storyPaddle manufacturer closes Shit Creek Plant stranding billions
Today, residents of Shit Creek were dismayed to discover that the areas last, and only employer is about to go into 'liquidation'. The 'Paddle Manufacturers' were forced into closure by a combination of cash flow problems and paradoxically, a hug...
Read full storyBush Fights His Status As 'Worst President"
"Ah really don't think its fair to label me the worst President ever." said Bush II to the assembled historian conference. "After all, Ah wuz re-elected! That counts fur sumpthin'." He stopped to take a sip from a beer, a luxury he could afford now that the cameras were all on Obama and not on him. "Now take Herbert Hoover. He was always said to be the worst and he wuz only one term. I got hi...
Read full storyHot Off The Press, Psycho Bob's Horoscopes For February 14-21, 2009
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC) Even though you and your blind date already hate each other's guts within half an hour, you' still have to do the best you can until the guide dogs get unhung. Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) You need to go put those back. While I realize the "Sperm" part of the Bank light was out last night, you still should have left those things there. Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)...
Read full storyGlobal Warming: Good News At Last!
After many years of doom and gloom with regard to the threat of Global Warming, and the recent extreme weather conditions experienced by much of Great Britain, there was some good news this week, when it was announced that there may have been a stabi...
Read full storyFormat Wars: Blu-Ray superseded by Ultomato
If you were considering updating your DVD player to one of the new Blu-Ray High Definition players, you may want to hold off for a few months. A new format system is just about to be launched which makes Blu-Ray look positively old hat. Ultomat...
Read full storyA Keen Sense of the Inappropriate
When people whom I've known for a fairly short time hear that I have a funny cartoon book, they generally ask, "What kind of cartoons are they?" I've always been stumped by this question. I usually say, "Stupid and Terrible, " and they get a weird look on their face. Lately I've found that "Inappropriate" seems to be the best way to describe my sense of humor, though that still requires some e...
Read full storyThings You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
Oops! My goodness! What do we do now? So, what do we have here? Has anyone seen my watch? Yes it is sharp enough, don't worry. I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now! Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie. What do you mean he's not insured? Damn! Page 24 of the manual is missing! Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch" Bet...
Read full storyAishwarya Rai filing for divorce, blames dodgy astologers' pregnancy rumors
Mumbai - (Bollyawful Mess): Bollywood megastar Aishwarya Rai has told divorce lawyers that her marriage has been blighted by Bachchan in-laws' astrologers' pregnancy rumor mill. The stunning green-eyed movie queen has claimed husband Abhishek Bac...
Read full storyWorld's First Testicle Transplant: Superballs
Stockholm, Sweden-Testicular prosthetics aren't particularly new but the world awoke this morning to news of the world's first testicle transplant.Born with a weak set of testicles that shriveled as soon as he got married, Harold Boyd of Hoboken, New...
Read full storyFrench chefs to order a "fatwah" on Gordon Ramsay
In breaking news, the French Association of Haute Cuisine Chefs has formally announced a vehement denunciation of UK celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay and added an unprecedented order to all French members to attack the foul mouthed British cook on sight.
Read full story2097-Page Brick Passes Congresses
Savoring his first big victory in Congress, President Barack Obama on Saturday celebrated the newly passed $787 billion economic stimulus brick as a "major milestone on our road to recovery." "Of course, this thing is 2097 pages long but I'm sure...
Read full storyInmates To Buy Own Toilet Paper
According to an AP Report, Inmates at the Des Moines County jail in Burlington may have to begin paying for toilet paper. The county is facing a more than $1.7 million deficit in this year's budget and the Board of Supervisors gave department hea...
Read full storySarah Palin's Favorite Store Forced To Change Name
In Anchorage, Alaska, Governor Sarah Palin's favorite consignment shop has been forced to change its name after she brought the trendy, upscale Anchorage boutique unintended legal problems during last year's presidential campaign. Out of the Clos...
Read full storyAnother St. Valentine's Day Massacre?
In Khartoum, Sudan Senior Muslim clerics have urged Sudanese youngsters to boycott Valentine's Day, saying it is a Western institution that could lead couples astray away from arranged marriages to older more mature men. Members of the Sudan Ulem...
Read full storyNeanderthal gene discovered to exist in English celebrities
Scientists studying the DNA of Neanderthals say they have found genes shared between our closest ancient relations and English TV and music celebrities. Professor Max Mengele in Germany said that Neanderthals shared the FIX2 gene associated with c...
Read full storyAmerica's most popular sports - Rounders, Bouncy ball and Fag Rugby
A study of National sports has found that America is split three ways on which particular discipline can be regarded as their most recognisable on an international platform. American sports coverage consists of three main games: Baseball - a h...
Read full storyScrums to be scrapped by the RFU
A revolution is underway at Twickenham. News is seeping out of the home of Rugby this morning that the powers that be are ready to make the biggest rule change in the Sport since the practice of 'squeezing your opponents balls' was banned 2 years ago...
Read full storyJohn Terry Transfer Shock
Sources close to Stamford Bridge have said that Chelsea and England captain John Terry may be on his way out of the club amid claims that "the dressing room is divided". Terry said in an interview last week, that he had supported sacked boss Luiz...
Read full storyPolice admit to "oversight" in skeleton case
The grim discovery Tuesday of a man's skeleton sitting in a 1972 car has led Police to admit that there are some London streets which they haven't patrolled since the mid-'70's. The car, with a tax disc expiring March 1976, has been sitting in a...
Read full storyBusted song analysed
Professor Charles Simpson of the Nothing Better To Do University of Ipswich has analysed the 2003 Busted Track "Year 3000" and discovered that far from being a mere catchy pop tune, the song is a harbinger of things to come, and a remarkably propheti...
Read full storyUnlucky U.S. tourists help Stratford man's business
Unfortunate U.S. travellers in the U.K. looking for William Shakespeare's birthplace have helped a Stratford man beat the credit crunch. Americans starting their journeys in London ask for tube tickets to Stratford (Upon Avon) and end up at cheek...
Read full storyMadoff to Lead Stimulus Plan
Washington - President Obama has announced that he has appointed financier Bernie Madoff to lead implementation of the recently approved 787 billion dollar stimulus package. "I believe that this is the best choice for working Americans and the cou...
Read full storyBush Gives Obama His "What it means to be a man" Talk
It has been somewhat of a rarity in American history that a sitting president has had the wise council of his predecessors. Luckily for Barrack Obama, boy president, the elder Mr. Bush is still around to guide him through this troubling period of ado...
Read full storySpecial Oscar To Republicans for 'Best Act Put On By A Political Entity'
The Oscar Committee has nominated the Republican Party for a special Oscar this year- 'Best Act Put On By A Political Entity'. Mrs. Tallulah Bankaccount, head of the board overseeing nominations, stated "The Republican Party has for decades pu...
Read full storyNew DNA Coding Discovered
Washington DC: The National Institutes of Health (NIH) released new findings relative to DNA research being conducted at their laboratory facilities. The DNA replication sequence has been further decoded, providing some very startling results. Sam...
Read full storyNew housing rules bring joy to homeowners
Following Home Secretary Jacki Smith's ruling that it's legal and above board to claim that a sister's back bedroom is your main home, enormous tax savings are now possible to the average homeowner, claim accountants. The exact details have yet t...
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