Angelina Jolie calls it quits!
After a long and uncerimonious four word spat between her partner Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie has ended the three year old relationship that has had global media attention. Jolie is reported to have being seen slapping Pitt before screaming at him,...
Read full storyOil's Well at Man City
A shocking revelation has been unearthed about the real reason that the Abu Dhabi United group bought Man City. An insider said that satellite imagery had revealed that the Eastlands Stadium is directly over the biggest oil field in the western wo...
Read full storyBig Brother Blind Mikey Falls Down Stairs On Way Out Of House
The finale of Big Brother 9 was as controversial as the rest of the series tonight, when, in the Final round, Big Brother Blind Mikey was evicted and fell down the BB stairs! Dressed in a ridiculous Clint Eastwood-style poncho, Mikey, the 33-year-...
Read full storyLottery Darling
Alastair Darling shocked members of the cabinet today with his new plan to save the economy. He has set aside £1.5 million of treasury funds to buy a million eurolottery tickets. Alastair told the front bench team that euromillions represents the...
Read full storyNewcastle United Latest: Gazza On Way Back?
The latest, and maddest, news from Newcastle after the resignation of Kevin Keegan, is that Northeast legend Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne could be on his way back to Tyneside, this time as team manager! Mr Gascoigne has been living in a police cell sinc...
Read full storyMcCain Family Photoshoot Disaster
A McCain family photoshoot went terribly wrong when Doug and Andy McCain mistook ornamental wax grapes to be the real thing. Both brothers, who mind you, are well into their forties didn't notice anything out of place as they chomped down on over 30...
Read full storyKate Middleton ectopic phantom pregnancy fears
London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Pals of Kate Middleton say the desperate royal wannabe has an ectopic phantom pregnancy after a bit of ectoplasm emerged from her arse. "An ectopic pregnancy can be described as a constipation of the uterus," no...
Read full storySen Frank Murkowski behind Todd Palin 1984 DUI secrets gag
Alaska - (Was-iller than Ill-in-ois Mess): Butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-lying-GOP-ass Alaskan First Husband Todd Palin was named as Sen Frank Murkowski's natural son today. A report in the Juneau edition of LA FagHagSlagMag says Palin's mother Bla...
Read full storyPrincess Beatrice to be stripped
London - (IRA Mess): Twenty year-old gingernut fake princess Beatrice is to be stripped of all her pretensions of royalty and sent back to the IRA spawning pool that begat her, according to Palace sources. The desperate royal wannabe's humunguos a...
Read full storyKaren Matthews Charged With Being A Drug-taking, Pathetic, Filthy, Stinking, Ugly, Moron
Karen Matthews, the mother of little schoolgirl Shannon, who went missing before being found under a bed, has been charged with being a drug-taking, pathetic, filthy, stinking, stoney-faced, ugly moron at her trial at Leeds Crown Court. The 32-yea...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe (almost) killed by Spoofsters
Daniel Radcliffe, star of Harry Potter, has been almost-murdered this afternoon by a mob of angry Spoofsters. Radcliffe was ambushed as he arrived at the premiere of the latest Potter film, 'Harry Potter and the Deadly Sparrows'. In a mercile...
Read full storyObama groupie Annette Benning pillories Sarah Palin then ends up being savaged by Rush Limberger!
LALALAND - HOLLYWOOD - Self-proclaimed political pundit and not-so-great actress Annette (who?) Benning, pilloried John McCain's veep choice of Sarah Palin and claimed that Hillary supporters would not rush en masse to vote for her "simply because sh...
Read full storyScientists Find the World is Green Enough
National Public Radio, September 2, 2008: Kermit the Frog, who is the authority on being "green", released a statement to the press this week. He said "enough with commercializing this green thing, already!" Kermit, in conjunction with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker, did an exhaustive analysis of items that: (1) are being hawked as being green, but in reality are not and (2) item...
Read full storyNewcastle United in shock takeover bid
Newcastle UK: Reports coming out of Gateshead are that a shock takeover bid has come in at the 11th hour for the troubled football club Newcastle United. A consortium calling itself The Old Newcastle Group United Plc controversially sent in a late...
Read full storyHenry Kissinger Bids For Sarah Palin Nude Photos
Former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger has admitted that he has tried to buy photos over the internet that show the Republican party's Sarah Palin in her birthday suit. Kissinger was speaking to the BBC's Emily Maitlis at the Republican conv...
Read full storyMan with large pot-belly can't see his feet. Suffers heart attack!
A man with an enormous beer-belly has suffered a heart attack after he looked 'down' to check if his shoe lases were untied, but was instead confronted by his enormous belly staring back at him. In a frantic attempt to make sure his feet were still t...
Read full storyBetty bought a bit of butter only to find it wasn't bitter at all
Professional shopper Betty Botter has hit the news again following her investigation on behalf of the BBC's Watchdog Programme into the butter buying habits of the British public. Betty Botter was invited onto the programme by the tall, leggy pres...
Read full storyRobinho: A Crybaby In The Paula Radcliffe Mould
Real Madrid President Ramon Calderon has said in an interview in Spain, that Robinho, Manchester City's new £33million Brazilian signing, is nothing but a crybaby straight out of the Paula Radcliffe mould. Radcliffe, the British long-distance runn...
Read full storyArgentina Declares War On Railways
Thousands of people took the streets in Argentina yesterday, and a state of war was announced by commuters who attacked and killed a train in Merlo station, in the west of the capital, Buenos Aires. The attackers, who were annoyed at the lateness...
Read full storyAt last - Emma Watson gets her jugs out for all to see
Star of the Harry Totty movies, Emma Watson, has finally conceded to pressure from the Sun, Star and Daily Telegraph and has decided to publicly display her jugs for the first time. Following a month of tense negotiation with picture editors at t...
Read full storySarah Palin, whats right with America
Sarah Palin today gave her acceptance speech today to the Republican Nation Convention. Palin was chosen by the McCain's camp not to win over the disgruntled Hillary supporters and the evangelical Right Wing, not to be an experienced Ready stand in for the country in case McCain's dies, but because she is hot. You see in America Qualification and the needs of the Country pale in comparison to...
Read full storyHull City Manager Phil Brown Is Newcastle Target
Newcastle United start their search for a new manager today after the resignation of Kevin Keegan yesterday, and the name on many people's lips at this early stage, is Phil Brown, the current Hull City boss. Brown, 49, has worked wonders at Hull,...
Read full storyObama Proposes the American Wives With Disabilities and Hypocrite Husbands Act
Old Man Bush, a much better President than worst President ever W gained fame for his Americans With Disabilities Act. His son George has done little for the rights of the disabled but to be fair his wrong war in Iraq has added important numbers to t...
Read full storyCindy McCain's Face Goes Back to the Future!
Time travel scientists watched the RNC videography of possible first Lady Cindy "Botox Barbie" with fascination and disbelief. Footage of the beer baronness throughout her sheltered life at first showed the natural signs of aging. At just abo...
Read full storyPalin's Future Son-in law Arrested for Statutory Rape! Believed to Be Taking the Rap for McCain!!
Sarah Palin's 17 year old daughter is believed to have conceived a child with an 18 year old man. In Alaska such matters are considered part of nature which is why most Alaskan men never venture out of the wilderness of the 49th state. When the d...
Read full storyMcCain's AmerAsian Bastards to Vote for Obama!
Once the spoof learned that the maverick McCain had sown more than his share of wild oats before during and after his first marriage, they decided to check into his escapades in Nam. Dozens of prematurely white haired Vietnamese of a certain age bega...
Read full storyMcCain Abandoned First Wife and Three Children for Billionnaire Heiress!
Neither Cindy "Botox Barbie" nor John "Still a POW" Mccain's RNC videographies made any mention of the fact the man of honor McCain abandoned his first wife and their three children after she was in a near fatal and seriously disabling car accident.L...
Read full storyMcCain accidentally repeats Obama's acceptance speech, no one notices
In the balloon-filled finale of the 2008 Republican Convention, presidential candidate McCain delivered a mildly stirring acceptance speech to a mostly white, well-heeled audience while using Obama's notes and repeating many of Obama's promises, thou...
Read full storySarah Palin Kissed My Dick
It was 1984 - Wasilla, when former beauty queen and future Vice-President Sarah Palin kissed my dick. Hot girl had just won the Miss Wasilla Pageant and we were partying. I didn't know Sarah that well, had kinda seen her round and was friends with...
Read full storyLoose Cannon McCain Loses Elite Republican Support Hinting: There's a Change-a-Comin'
In a tit-for-tat reaction to (Re)publican presidential hopeful John McCain's blatant attempt to win over former Hillary Clinton supporters, thousands of elite party supporters are suddenly backing white-knuckled conservative Pagan Catholic Edward All...
Read full storyBush Administration Develops Hurricane Machine
Washington DC, September 5, 2008: The National Enquirer is reporting that during President Bush's Administration, $500 Billion was allocated to develop a hurricane making machine. This storm generating capability has been undergoing system testing fo...
Read full storyKeegan resigns after boardroom brawl
Newcastle, UK: Kevin Keegan resigned today as Newcastle Uniteds Manager amid scenes reminiscent of a playground scuffle. A club insider revealed - "After lengthy talks surrounding Keegans future, a fight broke out directly in the boardroom when Mi...
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