Friday, 5 September 2008

image for Scientists Find the World is Green Enough

National Public Radio, September 2, 2008: Kermit the Frog, who is the authority on being "green", released a statement to the press this week. He said "enough with commercializing this green thing, already!"

Kermit, in conjunction with Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant Beaker, did an exhaustive analysis of items that: (1) are being hawked as being green, but in reality are not and (2) items that are green, but being labeled as not being green enough. Some examples are: people who died of Malaria because DDT was banned; the lack of fire breaks in CA that have caused more environmental damage from fire than the fire breaks; trees planted in Scotland that poisoned the fish in the rivers; introducing alien species to fight a problem, without thinking about the unintended consequences; complaining about noise pollution and then saying the Toyota Prius is too quiet; reducing energy consumption by employing compact fluorescent bulbs and then complaining about too much Mercury; banning both Mercury and plastic fillings as unsafe and all the marketing hype to sell existing products with "green" labels.

Kermit added that "humans should sit back and enjoy life and see those things that are really green such as": American money; green beer on Saint Patrick's Day; grass both on lawns and for smoking; The Caribbean Sea; Grasshoppers and Praying Mantises; green mold (Penicillin dummy); a "newbie" (greenhorn); green onions; slime; tea; trees; lettuce; JalapeƱo peppers and oh yes frogs.

Kermit, Dr Honeydew and Beaker would like to remind all humans "that it's not nice to fool with Mother Nature!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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