Newcastle, UK: Kevin Keegan resigned today as Newcastle Uniteds Manager amid scenes reminiscent of a playground scuffle.
A club insider revealed - "After lengthy talks surrounding Keegans future, a fight broke out directly in the boardroom when Mike Ashley spilled Kevin Keegans pint."
Furious, Keegan demanded that Ashley get him another. "And make it a Stella too" said Keegan. Ashley was reported to have said he would get him another, at which point Dennis Wise stepped in and bought him a lager shandy.
Keegan apparently blew his top to reporters outside and was quoted as saying "I'm sick to death of Dennis Wise intervening in drinking matters between me and the club. All I wanted was a decent pint of Stella and that little short arsed shitbag Wise goes and buys me a lager top as a replacement. I tell ya, Wise has got to go to Hull on saturday and, and, I tell ya this, I'd love it, just love it if the little bastard was refused to be served for looking under age...fuckin lager top I tell ya, tight bastards"
Meanwhile Ashley was unavailable for comment after apparently being seen putting an arm around Paul Gascoignes kneck ushering the words "fancy a beer and a job mate?, no other fucker is daft or pissed enough to take it apart from you"
