Loose Cannon McCain Loses Elite Republican Support Hinting: There's a Change-a-Comin'

Funny story written by SpaceElevator

Friday, 5 September 2008

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In a tit-for-tat reaction to (Re)publican presidential hopeful John McCain's blatant attempt to win over former Hillary Clinton supporters, thousands of elite party supporters are suddenly backing white-knuckled conservative Pagan Catholic Edward Allan Buck -- whose platform simultaneously supports (among other things) across-the-board elimination of income tax and increased defense spending.

Suffering a 'Senior Moment' that future-President Buck described as "a miscalculation that the American people would not realize what the f*ck hit them until it was too late", McCain appointed Alaska Governor and Dominatrix Sarah Palin as his sidekick earlier this week.

In the unlikely event that he does get elected, McCain has promised to appoint the following cast of people to his cabinet:

  • California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (Secretary of State)
  • Crooner Pat Boone (Secretary of Agriculture)
  • Actor Stephen Baldwin (Secretary of Labor)
  • Writer Tom Clancy (Secretary of Offense/Defense)
  • Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper (Attorney General)
  • Comedians Dennis Miller (Secretary of Commerce) and Ben Stein (Secretary of the Treasury)
  • Chuck Norris (Secretary of Energy)
  • Musicians Ted Nugent (Secretary of the Health and Human Services) and Johnny Ramone (Secretary of Housing and Urban Development)
  • Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak (Secretary of Transportation)
  • Texas Congressman Ron Paul (Secretary of Education) and
  • Idaho Senator Larry Craig (Secretary of the Posterior, Homeland/Airport Security and Veterans' Affairs).

Mr. Buck, on the other hand, is keeping his nominations a secret until after he wins the election.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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